Well hello everyone and welcome to another royal round up! If you’re in the UK, I really hope you’ve been enjoying the glorious back-to-back bank holidays. And there’s still another one at the end of May!

Well I don’t think I need to tell you what the biggest news of the last fortnight has been as we’re all aware, but let’s start with the events leading up to The King’s Coronation and how the Royal Family got into the spirit of things…
The Prince and Princess of Wales prepare for the Coronation
At the forefront of the celebrations were none other than the Prince and Princess of Wales, who visited the Brecon Beacons in Wales, to spend time with the Central Beacons Mountain Rescue Team.

“I’d honestly rather shove the Welsh flag up my arse on live TV, but ok.”
And the first stop– abseiling down a side of the mountain, which William and Catherine approached with much gusto.

As they got into their abseiling gear, with the aid of the rescue team, The Princess was seen turning to her husband and warning him that it was ‘not a race’.

“Yeah well, you can take five hours to climb down if you want, Cath– I already need a hangover shit, so might be faster just to jump off.”
But once they began heading down the side of the mountain, the pair really got into it and couldn’t resist admiring the landscape.


The couple also took part in a few practice rescue exercises with the team, assisting with a scenario of aiding an injured person.

But the royal duo were only too happy to get stuck in to things and threw themselves into the exercise.

“William, fucking shut up and get on with it– I already slipped a disk 20 minutes ago.”
But once all the strenuous work was out of the way, it was time for a spot of lunch– which came in the form of pizzas from a nearby food truck, Little Dragon Pizza Van.

Ordering 12 pizzas for the Rescue Team, William and Catherine were only too delighted to deliver them to the staff at the national park, as they carried them away from the food van.

“Oh sorry– I must’ve missed the ‘Uber Eats Delivery Driver’ stamp on my fucking forehead.”
Heading back to the rugby club with their purchases, it was noted that the order had included three margherita, three pepperoni, three BBQ chicken and three goat’s cheese pizzas for them to tuck into.

However, it was a gesture that I’m sure was well received and the couple were only too eager to help out the team in any way they could.

And it would never be a royal visit without the chance to meet the adoring crowds, who lined up in the rain to catch a glimpse of the royal couple.

Perhaps Kate was having a better time with her meet and greet?

“Ugh, cheers love– I’ll use them to cover my head when this shitty £2 umbrella gives out.”
But with Wales under their belt, it was time to look forward to other pre-coronation events, and the next stop was a little journey on the Elizabeth Line for the Prince and Princess.

“Fuck that– I think it might be faster to get Louis to run headfirst into them instead.”
As it clearly isn’t their usual method of transport, using the barriers took some getting used to, with the couple being provided with Oyster cards for the journey.

“It’s not accepting my RAF Pilot license either– what sort of station is this?”
Taking the new train line between Acton and Tottenham Court Road, the pair stunned onlookers as they made their way onto the platform and joined other commuters.

Taking their seats on the train, the couple chatted happily to others around them as they departed from the station and headed for Soho.

But by the time they reached the other end, the royal couple were positively parched and couldn’t wait to visit their next stop– The Dog and Duck pub in Soho.

“Kate, put your fucking hand down yah, I’m gasping for a pint– we’re not saying hello to anyone until I’ve attacked a Peroni.”
And inside the pub, the couple got to work learning how to pour pints– something that Prince William was clearly enjoying getting to grips with.

But after a lesson in pint pulling, it was time for the couple to sit down and enjoy the fruits of their labour behind the bar– where they had their beers brought over by a member of staff.

“So that’s one for the Princess… One for the Prince….”
“Oh do hurry up Mary– by the time you put those pints down on the table, we’ll be prepping for my coronation.”
Chatting happily away to staff and customers, William and Kate seemed to really be enjoying the social aspect of the visit.

“Yeah, I’ll be with you in a minute, mate– just trying to finish my pint in a rare moment of peace.”
Following their pub sesh, it was outside to greet the crowds that had gathered to say hello to the Prince and Princess.

Before long, it was time for the couple to head home for the day– clearly having enjoyed taking in the pre-coronation atmosphere.

But continuing with the ‘meet and greet’ theme the day prior to the coronation, The Prince and Princess of Wales undertook a walkaround on The Mall with King Charles and Queen Camilla, to speak with the public ahead of the big day.

“Bloody hell–we’re not a very good looking nation, are we?”
Speaking to the crowds who had lined up to meet the royals, The Prince and Princess were keen to discuss the coronation day ahead.

It was also a prime occasion to take selfies with the public– something the royals have gotten more into doing recently.

Kate stood chatting happily in the sunshine to well-wishers about the family’s ‘excitement and nervousness’ over the coronation the following day, following months of rehearsals at the Abbey.

The King and Queen Consort also took to The Mall, with The King keen to greet his loyal subjects who turned out in their droves to wish him luck.



And with the final public pre-coronation appearance done, it was time to turn our attention to the big day…
The Coronation of King Charles III
On Saturday 6th May 2023, King Charles was crowned as Charles III at Westminster Abbey in London– a momentous occasion as it was the first coronation to take place in 70 years.

The day started early, with the Abbey undergoing final preparations just hours before the King was set to enter the building.
And at a little past 10:00am on a grey and rainy Saturday morning, King Charles and Queen Camilla set off in their carriage from Buckingham Palace to Westminster Abbey to be crowned.

“Oh sorry babes, that was me– I had a quick ciggie in here before we set off.”
Slowly making their way down The Mall and past the crowds, The King and Queen waved to their subjects and took in the atmosphere on what was a truly historical day.


Coming in just behind them was The Prince and Princess of Wales, with their two youngest children, Princess Charlotte and Prince Louis of Wales.

“How? It’s only quarter to 11?!”


With the skewed arrival times sorted, it was time for Charles and Camilla to proceed down the aisle to Parry’s coronation anthem ‘I was glad’– followed in by the Wales family, who were the epitome of class and grace.

Of course, the family were sans Prince George, who was already in the Abbey to undertake his duties as pageboy for his grandfather.

And what of Harry The Traitor? Flying in on a private jet the night before, he showed up at the Abbey the next morning to watch his father be crowned King before heading straight back to Cali just after the ceremony.
Honestly, the speed in which he entered and left the UK, you’d think he popped to the pub for a swift half, rather than flying 11 hours to see his dad be crowned the King of Great Britain.

But once the procession made it’s way through the nave and choir and all guests and family (and Harry) were seated, it was time to get the proceedings underway, with Charles and Camilla making their way down the aisle to Parry’s “I was Glad”.

The ceremony was two hours in length, just one hour shorter than the coronation of Charles’s mother, Queen Elizabeth II– but it was so long and boring it seems even The King was having a tough time staying awake.


Most of the ceremony was actually spent handing Charles an array of weird objects as part of the ‘crowning’ process– most of which left him looking rather perplexed too.

And of course, there was the religious aspect of Charles’s oath as King, with him making his own pledge to God.

I have to say though, he did look a little like a rabbit caught in headlights for a large majority of the ceremony; whether that was the weight of his new responsibilities weighing on his shoulders, the fact the Abbey was probably far too hot or just general boredom, who knows.

There was also a sweet part of the ceremony where William, Prince of Wales pledged allegiance to his father as the now heir to the throne, where he then placed his hand on the crown.
Well.. I say ‘placed his hand’– he could’ve been trying to nick it for all we know.


But with a failed attempt at grabbing the crown, it was a quick kiss between father and son and time for William to take his seat back at the altar.


But what of the children? While George performed his page boy duties, it was a long time for Charlotte and Louis to sit still, particularly William and Kate’s youngest who is only 5 and at that age, probably has the attention span of a flea.


And then there was the moment of Queen Camilla’s crowning– something that many Diana fans would have seen as bittersweet. I’m not sure even she could quite believe it had happened, to be honest.

Before anyone kills me, I’ve nothing against Camilla and don’t actually have an opinion on her. But even you have to admit she seriously levelled up by going from mistress to Queen.

But with the ceremony over, there was still a long day ahead as the royals made their way back to Buckingham Palace in a procession from the Abbey– with the Wales family having their own carriage attached to the back of King Charles and Queen Camilla’s.

The children also seemed to enjoy the procession as they waved to the crowds down The Mall.


But for Harry, it was a shared car with Prince Andrew somewhere near the back of the procession.

At some point off camera though, Harry’s vehicle veered away from the procession and on to Heathrow Airport, where he caught a flight back to California.

With Harry safely 38,000 feet in the air and en route back to Cali, the family could relax a little: sort of like when you can finally let out that fart you’ve been holding in after a date.

Heading back to the palace, there was a formal fly past over the balcony, where the family gathered to watch– and where the crowds gathered to glimpse the newly crowned King and Queen.

The flypast was shorter than usual, lasting just two and a half minutes, but featuring some poignant participants, such as the Red Arrows. It really seemed as though the family were enjoying themselves.

The majestic vibe was certainly not lost on other (more grown up) members of the family, who took in the atmosphere as they gazed out across the horizon.

“I think the flypast at our own coronation better involve more planes and last longer than two fucking minutes, or I won’t be attending.”
And with an ‘encore’ appearance from The King and Queen in front of the public, it was time for the family to head back inside and enjoy the rest of the day privately.

But the celebrations didn’t stop there!
The next day, The Prince and Princess of Wales joined The Big Lunch in Windsor, where they got a chance to speak with members of the public.

After what must have been a pretty late night for them both, the couple were both fresh faced and eager to greet Windsor residents following the coronation.

Getting stuck into some drinks and snacks, the pair mingled with the public as they discussed the day before and looked ahead to the rest of the coronation weekend.

And later on that night, it was time for the Coronation Concert in Windsor, with the whole royal family in attendance– sans Prince Louis who had been banned after last year’s jubilee concert.

“Because I don’t feel like doing 25 to life, Richard.”
The Wales family were captured arriving, with Prince George and Princess Charlotte accompanying their parents for the outing.

Taking their seats in the VIP section ahead of the monarch and consort, the Wales family looked around the arena that had been set up for the big evening and in honour of The King.

“Who’s Aunt Meghan?”
And with the arrival of The King, it was time to get celebrations underway!

But it was the kids who really got into the spirit of things, with George and Charlotte at the forefront, really showing a united front at siblings.


I don’t know though, I think Charles and Camilla were really getting into things too. There was a lot of flag waving from both of them, at any rate…

The excitement did, however, eventually calm down– even for the monarch, who keenly observed the evening’s musical acts.

But with Sunday drawing to a close, it was on to Monday, and as part of an initiative called The Big Help Out, The Prince and Princess of Wales took their three children out in Berkshire to visit a scout group.

As President of the Scout Association, the Princess of Wales is used to attending events such as these– but even if her children were slightly newer to the idea, they got stuck straight in with helping out.


But while Charlotte cracked on with her duties, Louis decided it was time for a break in the form of a sit down and a snack.


Prince George also seemed to be getting into the swing of things, helping out with a bit of drilling while his mother looked on. It seemed like he was quite keen to learn the ropes.

“Let me just stop you right there, Steve– I’m the future King, I doubt I’ll ever need to use a bloody drill myself. Let’s just get a photo of me holding it and then I’m fucking off for a marshmallow.”
But it wasn’t all manual labour! The kids got to try their hand at (a slightly less dangerous version of) archery, which they really got into.

There was even the opportunity to try their hand at manoeuvring an excavator– with Princes George and Louis joining father William onboard one.

“Why do you guys keep showing me how to do shit I’m never gonna use?”
Before leaving, the kids got the chance to put handprints on the wall in order to leave a mark of their visit and fun day in Slough.

But where oh where was dear Meghan over the weekend? That’s right– trying to stay relevant in the USA while she called the paparazzi to photograph her… taking a walk with her ‘mates’.

Yep, Megs decided to go out on a hike shortly after the coronation, sans kids and husband and thought that the world might want to see documented evidence of this.

This little outing came after Meghan’s PR people confirmed that son Archie had been thrown a ‘private’ birthday celebration at home in Montecito to mark his birthday the weekend before– which was on the day of the coronation.
The use of the word ‘private’ really interests me in relation to a birthday party.

According to reports, Archie was treated to a lemon cake by his mother, from the fruit grown in their back garden; because despite the fact Harry and Meghan live in an $11million mansion, take a private jet to the local Arby’s and spend all their time fighting with their family and suing people, we’re expected to believe amidst all this that Meghan is out slogging it in the allotment.

Walking around with some of her equally dodgy looking friends, Meghan tried her hardest to pretend she hadn’t seen the cameras– even though it was still obvious even while she is wearing sunglasses.

The more hilarious part is that their PR team were trying to push the angle that Harry had actually flown commercial to be in England for the Coronation– as though we are expected to believe he has finally worked out that commercial airliners exist.
The articles put out were practically reporting on the flight number, which seems overly suspicious to me… sort of like they were trying a little too hard to make it look like he didn’t take a private plane, even though one was seen landing in from California on the eve of the coronation?




So I’m aware there was also a garden party at Buckingham Palace the other day, but I have typed so much on this post that I think my fingers are going to fall off, so I’m going to leave it here for now.
I’m off on holiday tomorrow for about a week (to get some sun because the UK is doing a crap job of providing that), so once I’m back and feeling more well-rested, I will pick up any new items.
Until then, have a great rest of the weekend, week ahead and I will see you all next time!

Leave a Reply