Royal Round-Up: 22nd January

Well hello everyone and welcome to another Royal Round-Up!

Is it just me or has this been the most insane couple of weeks in royal world!? With the release of Harry’s ‘memoir’, things just got even more mental, so let’s not waste any more time…

Harry’s ‘Spare’

Yep, as mentioned above, the ‘hotly anticipated’ pile of crap that is Prince Harry’s memoir was released and boy are there ever some explosive claims in it.

After I posted the last Royal Round-Up, a story broke from the Sussex camp where Harry detailed that he had been physically assaulted by his brother, The Prince of Wales.

Yes, Harry asserted that William had bust his way into Nottingham Cottage when he and Meghan were still living there and socked him one because he didn’t like Megs and thought she was a prat or something.

According to Harry, William burst in through the front door like:

“Right ‘arry, where are ya mate – just popped over to talk about how much of a twat your wife is.”

Harry tries to make out that he was the peacekeeper in all of this and tells us that he poured William a glass of water to ‘calm him down’, like we’re expected to believe he came over all Mother Theresa and didn’t try to strike William back.

“William yah, let’s sit down and talk about this for a minute. Maybe we could try meditating? Can I interest you in some water? …or that weird brown liquid in that pot over there that Meghan’s been quietly boiling for the last month that smells a bit like feet?”

But Harry’s efforts to offer William hydration apparently went awry, when Harry tells us that William promptly set the water down, called Harry a name (we can only guess what that was) and then lunged at him– sending Harry flying across the room.

“You can take your electrolyte-infused Smart water and shove it up your arse!”

Harry tells us how he tumbled backwards and landed hard on the dog bowl, cracking it with his back and injuring himself in the process after William had apparently grabbed Harry ‘by the collar’ and thrown him onto the dog dish.

“Fucking hell, William— that was one’s royal arse, yah. Be careful with the goods.”

Throughout all of this, we are expected to believe that Harry just took his beating like a man, rather than hitting William or even trying to defend himself against this alleged attack, which seems highly unlikely for an army dude.

“Why don’t we all just sit around and sing kumbaya over a spirulina shake?”

Something tells me this is not how he settled any disputes with the Taliban though.

Harry claims that he had ‘visible injuries’ on his back, which we will have to take his word for as this altercation happened some years ago now so if there were any bruises, they disappeared some time ago.

“Well I did have a massive bruise on my nut-sack, but I couldn’t very well show you that one, could I?”

Harry also expresses his devastation over the fact that William ‘snapped’ his black necklace thing that he has been wearing for about 20 years– one that his ex-girlfriend Chelsy Davy allegedly gave him, which he was still wearing long after marrying another woman. Something tells me Meghan wasn’t too upset about that one.

“Gosh I’m so sorry, babe– I know how much that necklace meant to you!”

“I know, yah. It was a gift from Chelsy back in 2005. It had a lot of sentimental value.”
“Chelsy, huh? Baby, never mind Wills snapping it, you’re lucky I didn’t get there first to strangle you with it in your sleep.”

For some reason, Harry also claims that William called him ‘Harold’ at one point during the argument as well, which is a little odd, considering Harry’s real name is Henry and, you know, not Harold. Apparently Harry told William that he had ‘physically assaulted him’, to which William said something in response that resembled:

“Oh shut up Hilda, you big fanny– I barely touched you.”

According to Harry, William had branded Meghan ‘rude, abrasive and difficult’– which I can’t say many of us would disagree with. I mean, Harry can get upset if he likes, but it is quite clear that William was simply speaking the truth.

“How dare you tell the truth about what a total pain in the arse my wife is, yah? You’ve crossed a line now.”

Apparently it was at this point that William decided to take his leave, allegedly turning to Harry before he did so and warning him ‘not to tell Meg’ about what had happened between them– because she apparently wouldn’t have noticed the broken dog dish and, you know, broken husband?

“Ugh Harry, whack that kettle on and get those fancy biscuits out the cupboard will you– the department stores were horrific today and I just need to park my arse in front of the tv…. What’s up with you, something’s different?”
“Nothing, I er… had a shower today.”

But according to Hazza, his wife, ever the shy and retiring wallflower, was not ‘angry’ with William, but rather ‘deeply upset’ about what had occurred between the brothers and disappointed about the fall-out.

“Of course I’m upset, babe– that dog bowl was a bespoke Cartier for Guy, do you know how much that will cost to replace?”

Once the altercation was over, Harry did not actually phone Meghan first but instead rang up his therapist to let her know what had just happened with his older brother.

“Susan? It’s Harry. You will never guess what just happened, yah–“
“No I’m not going to guess because I don’t give a shit, Harry. It’s 2am and I don’t get paid enough to deal with this crap. Go to bed.”

All jokes aside, I’m really struggling to picture this one. I mean, there must be some element of truth to it as I’m sure even Harry knows he can’t put blatant lies in a published piece of work, but I do feel that it has been twisted and exaggerated to a certain degree.

Firstly, if this really happened the way he said it did, why have we not heard about this before? Harry treats this anecdote like some sort of an afterthought when it sounds like quite a big deal?

“For years, I have lived in my brother’s shadow. He has always stormed ahead and left me behind in the dust… Stole my toys as a kid… Oh, and then there was that time he beat the shit out of me in my own home. Did I tell you about that?”

But things were about to get a whole lot worse for Harry and Meghan when Meghan made a rude comment towards Kate in the lead up to her and Harry’s wedding– something which Harry still asserts was not Meghan’s fault, even though she was being a total dick.

“I fail to see how this is Meg’s problem, yah? Sometimes she just speaks without thinking but how exactly is that her fault? This is pure discrimination.”

Apparently Meghan told Kate “you must have baby brain” while she was pregnant with Prince Louis, which royally pissed her and William off– quite rightly, might I add.

I’m not sure how many pregnant woman would take too kindly to the stuck-up fiancé of their brother-in-law making such a rude comment, but I don’t blame Kate for being upset.

“Bitch, if I’ve got baby brains, you got shit for brains.”

But it wasn’t just Catherine who had the knives out– Prince William was none too thrilled about the remark made toward his wife either and politely told Meghan that “this is not how we talk to each other in this family”– or words to that effect.

“Listen Kim Kardashian– why don’t you do us all a favour and shut your mouth before I shut it for you.”

But Meghan didn’t take too kindly to the delivery of this warning from Prince William, with her and Harry asserting that William had ‘pointed his finger in her face’, with Meghan apparently telling William to “kindly remove your finger from my face.”

“I won’t tell you again William, yah– get your fat sausage fingers out of my face.”
“Yeah yeah, you can have this one for free, you jammy tart.”

Apparently the palace’s beef was that Meghan simply did not know Kate well enough to make such a comment, which is a fair observation. I wouldn’t turn around to a pregnant woman I’d known for all of a few months and say something like:

But Harry, keen to forever believe that the sun shines out of his wife’s arse, took offence to William and Kate taking offence and called them out on being upset over Meghan’s rude comment.

“Who the bloody hell do those two think they are? The future Monarch and Consort or something?”

Real talk, I do find the following really quite funny to try and comprehend:

  • Firstly, that it’s ok for Meghan to make a rude comment toward someone else, but then come over all offended because William has apparently pointed at her
  • Secondly, that Harry is allowed to defend his wife but William is not? Does Harold have the copyright on that or something?

It’s just super odd behaviour from the Sussexes and further highlights how utterly entitled they are. They really do live in their own little world. I just wish Kate had handed Meghan’s arse to her, pregnant or not.

“Why don’t you come back here Megs and I’ll show you how we whoop ass Windsor Wife-style.”

Andddd… then the claims got even wilder still. Harry must’ve been reading some of the old Twitter posts we made about his own racist behaviour because suddenly he’s admitting to all his faults, referring to himself as a ‘bigot’ before he met Meghan, amongst other things.

“Well yeah, obviously I’ve been an over-privileged racist, not to mention a chauvinist, a bigot and a bully, but don’t you think that puts me in the best position to lecture you all about how NOT to be like that?”

I should also add that this particular claim was not the wild one (we all know he’s a twat), but on the matter, Harry tells us all that it was William and Kate’s idea for him to dress as a Nazi in those famous photos taken all those years ago.

Oh aye, and they put that drink and cigarette in your hand too, I’ll bet.

That is one thing I’ve never been able to stand about Harry– he is totally incapable, even now at almost 40, of taking responsibility for this actions. It’s always someone else’s fault, someone else’s issue and never his. The bloody audacity to blame William and Kate over an outfit!

“So Kate, you remember when you asked me to dress as a Nazi, yah?”

“No I don’t, Harry– I asked if you were coming to the party, not if you were coming as a Nazi.

Harry claims that the now Prince and Princess of Wales ‘howled with laughter’ when they saw him turn up to the party in 2005– where we only really have Harry’s word that they found it funny as it was 18 years ago and there is zero proof William and Kate were even at the party.

But according to Harry, his brother and future sister-in-law rang him up beforehand and told him he should ‘definitely go as a Nazi’. Can I really see the future King advising his little brother to dress as something so offensive? Not really.

“No I bloody didn’t– we agreed to go as Shrek and Fiona! And Kate, you were going to be Lord Farquaad but we couldn’t find the wig in time, do you remember?”

Also, Harry– can you not think for yourself? At 20, you’re old enough to decide what to go as to a fancy dress party without having to phone your big brother and ask.

“So Wills yah, what are we doing for this costume party? I know there are a billion things I could go as, but I can’t think of one right now.”
“Oh, well there are loads, mate. You could go as Sadam Hussein, Mussolini, Hitler… use your imagination. I mean, I’m going as Bin Laden. Kate’s cutting off some of her hair for me now to stick to my face as a beard.”

Harry laments that it was ‘one of the biggest mistakes of his life’ (no shit) and has been finally forced to express faux remorse so many years later because he probably saw what we all said about him being a hypocrite and shat himself.

“I am deeply remorseful… over there being paparazzi around at the time, because otherwise none of you would’ve known and I wouldn’t be sat here now peddling out a bullshit apology.”

But he wasn’t done taking aim at his family! Next to face Harry’s personal firing squad was none other than Britain’s Queen Consort and Harry’s step-mum, Camilla.

“Yeah, just you try it, you little shit.”

One such article worded it as the following:

In Spare, the Prince reveals that he and William held private meetings with Camilla as a way to formally get to know her when their father began seeing her publicly. In the interview, Harry claims his stepmother leaked details of those conversations to the press.

Harry himself writes:

Shortly after our private summits with her, she began to play the long game. A campaign aimed at marriage and eventually the crown, with Pa’s blessing, we presumed. Stories began to appear everywhere in all the papers about her private conversation with Willie. Stories that contained pinpoint accurate details, none of which had come from Willie, of course. They could only have been leaked by the one other person present.

Royal girlfriends leaking information to the press?

Seriously, did Diana drop him from the Buckingham Palace balcony and onto his head when he was a baby? Mate, you married a woman who has done nothing but open her mouth to the press over the last 7 years– are you really that stupid? She gave an interview to Vanity Fair in 2017 where she all but told us about their sex life.

“And we all know how I just abhor talking about my relationship with Prince Harry and I like to keep things discreet… but we’re really into BDSM and occasionally attend swinger parties.”

I also cannot get over the sheer hypocrisy of Harry telling us how Camilla allegedly leaked private conversations between the family to the press, when all he has done within this book and the promotion of it is… leak private conversations between the family to the press.

“Yeah but that’s different innit– I’ve got a book to flog and a wife who will kill me if I don’t keep her in 12-bedroom mansions and Givenchy dresses.”

And don’t get me started on Harry talking about how Camilla’s goal was always ensnaring the Prince and making a beeline for the crown as though his own wife married him for his winning personality and blindingly good looks.

If you didn’t have ‘Prince’ in front of your name, she wouldn’t have looked twice at you, mate. See how long she sticks around once the Duke and Duchess titles are taken away.

“But Meghan– where are you going, yah? I thought we were together forever. In sickness and in health… For richer or poorer?”
“Fuck that! That was only when I banked on being a Duchess for the rest of my life. Now I gotta go pimp myself out in my 40s to a Saudi businessman or something. I’ll text you my bank details for the child support, but I think the kids should probably stay with you anyway– they’ll only slow me down.”

Yes, I do believe Rachel Meghan Markle had only the truest of intentions when stepping through the doors of Kensington Palace and that none of those were even remotely related to money, titles and status.

In any case, whether he or anyone else for that matter likes Camilla or not, she is now the Queen Consort and hating her isn’t going to change that, so time for him to move on.

Actually… I don’t really want to move on, because the next part was Harry giving a description of losing his virginity, which made me fetch up whatever I was stupidly eating while reading the excerpt.

I could’ve gone my whole life without knowing the finer details.

Harry writes (and I wish he hadn’t):

She liked horses, quite a lot, and treated me not unlike a young stallion. Quick ride, after which she’d smacked my rump and sent me to grace. Among the many things about it that were wrong: It happened in a grassy field behind a busy pub.

There goes my lunch.
Christ almighty– somewhere in Windsor, Queen Elizabeth II is spinning in her grave.

What honestly possessed him to write this shit? I would say the only thing worse than what he wrote is how he wrote it. He sounds like he’s writing erotica for an equestrian fetish fandom.

Did it really need to be that flowery? I think I would respect him a lot more if he had just said:

“Had a few pints down The Black Horse, chatted up this bit of crumpet, she took me in the field round the back and I gave her one. Then I got a kebab, hopped in an Uber and buggered off home to roll a spliff and watch some Black Mirror innit.”

Moving on swiftly, and believe it or not, it gets much worse: we now need to hear about when Harry got frostbite on his Crown Jewels and spent all of William and Kate’s wedding day scratching his balls or something.

I can just picture him while the cameras were off him and on William and Catherine during their vows:

“I, William Arthur Philip Louis, take thee, Catherine Elizabeth…”
“Yeah yeah, they take each other, very happy for them both. Now can we wrap this up so I can hit up a pharmacy and get some ointment for whatever’s on my frankfurter?”

And how did this happen? Well, there’s always a fun period of speculation.

Perhaps he got it stuck on a carefully crafted ice sculpture at William and Catherine’s rehearsal dinner the night before while messing about after a few vodka and cokes?

“Wills? Come get me out of this bro– my todger’s stuck to Ice Kate’s head!”


Maybe things got wild on William’s stag do and he passed out in the snow in Verbier after a day on the slopes and a night on the piste piss?

“Harry, what the fuck are you doing, yah? That’s not the hotel and our flight leaves for London in two hours.”

But in actual fact… it was because he had trekked across the North Pole in the lead up to William and Kate’s April 2011 royal wedding and didn’t cover his penis with a pillow.

Yes, apparently you are supposed to cover your parts with some sort of cushion in your pants when you trek through zones with below freezing temperatures but Harry didn’t know this, for some reason.

“Well I’ve been skiing a lot in my life, so I figured, just how cold can the North Pole be, right? I just packed a few jumpers and a hot water bottle.”

I’m quite surprised that he didn’t bother doing his research on adequate equipment to wear and pack when leading these expeditions, but that’s his issue I guess. Although it would be like your pilot telling you he knows squat about the aircraft five minutes before take-off.

“Ladies and gentlemen, keep your seatbelts fastened at all times– we are expecting some severe turbulence, largely due to the fact I have never flown a commercial airliner before. The emergency exit will be wherever the plane breaks in half. Thank you for flying United.”

But… oh… then it got soooo much worse and I cannot believe I sat through the Amazon audiobook segment of this. Harry then details how he was told to put a specific cream on his wiener to combat the frostbite– only then realising that it was the same cream his mum used on her dry lips when he was a kid.

He says, and I shit you not:

My penis was oscillating between extremely sensitive and borderline traumatized. The last place I wanted to be was Frostnipistan. I’d been trying some home remedies, including one recommended by a friend. She’d urged me to apply Elizabeth Arden cream. My mum used that on her lips. ‘You want me to put that on my todger?’ It works, Harry. Trust me.’ I found a tube, and the minute I opened it, the smell transported me through time. I felt as if my mother was right there in the room. Then I took a smidge and applied it…down there.

Good grief– the only thing that’s traumatised is me.

Firstly, I don’t care who you are– please never reference thinking about your mum while you’re lathering up your wang with cream.

Secondly– you are a literal Prince of Britain, why didn’t you just go and see a bloody doctor? For most other men with the same issue (and there probably aren’t many), their dick would probably fall off waiting for their GP to see them– but if you asked, I’m sure they’d bring the entire doctor’s surgery to you.

“All units dispatch to Kensington Palace. The fate of Prince Harry’s penis lies in our hands!”

I can only imagine he did not realise it was frostbite and was instead probably worried it was an STD, so stayed quiet and tried to treat it himself at home.

In any case, I’m done talking about Prince Harry’s Pork Roll and done talking about the mess that is ‘Spare’; it’s out, he’s played his hand and hopefully he’ll stay quiet now… until next week at least.

William and Kate in Liverpool

Now time for the weekly palette cleanser consisting of The Prince and Princess of Wales.

“Gosh Kate, aren’t you so moved by the number of supportive people here to see us?”

“William, I am bloody freezing– the only thing that needs to move is your arse indoors before my nipples fall off.”

Last week, in their first joint engagement of 2023, William and Catherine were in Liverpool visiting the Royal Liverpool University Hospital, sitting down with mental health workers and finding out more about their support services.

“Ta love– mine’s a milk and two sugars. Some Rich Tea biscuits would go down a treat as well.”

It was a great opportunity for the Prince and Princess to learn about the hospital’s key areas of focus and how they function day to day.

“Oh no, I’m quite sure I don’t need to see the gastroenterologist– it’s just a bit of wind from the lentils and cabbage I made for supper last night. Nothing a Rennie can’t sort.”

The couple looked thrilled to be back to royal engagements following the festive period and clearly looking forward to getting stuck into the year ahead.

“You work 14 hour shifts?! Fucking hell– Wills and I have only been here 14 minutes and are already in dire need of a nap.”

William and Kate were even happy to take the time and pose for selfies with members of the public who turned out to see them, which was really quite sweet.

“Oh no, take that one again– my hair looks so screwed from the side”
“Jesus, at least you have hair– I’ve never looked balder.”

Now historically, it was thought that this was not allowed as Markle had told a couple back in 2017 during a walkabout that ‘we’re not allowed to take selfies’, yet there doesn’t appear to be much evidence of this rule.

I expect it was just Meghan who was told this, as they were probably worried that once she saw a camera, they wouldn’t be able to prise her away from it.

“Meghan, we have to go!”

“Just two more selfies, please. JUST TWO!”

In any case, there were many words of encouragement for William and Catherine as they left Merseyside, with one woman telling William to ‘carry on’ in a sweet display of support, to which William replied that he would.

There was also the inevitable shouting of questions regarding Harry’s stupid book and what their reaction was to it. It’s a good thing they managed to remain calm and composed and didn’t respond to these.

“Make no mistake– when I see my brother again, one is going to pop a cap in his royal rump.”

“…William please, just get in the car.”

This comes off the back of Catherine apparently saying that “therapy does not work for everyone”, with many believing she was taking aim at her brother-in-law, The Duke of Sussex. I actually don’t think she’s that petty as a person and was just making a general comment related to mental health, but if it was an underhand shot at Harry, then…

She is right though: clearly this hasn’t worked for Harry as he seems worse off now than he was 20 years ago, so one does wonder what exactly has gone on there.

I’m 100% sure her remark was not for Harry… Well… 98% sure at least.

“Well I’m not saying that comment was for Harry, but… that’s £25,000 in therapy fees we may as well have wiped our arses with.”

William and Kate’s solo engagements

But The Prince and Princess of Wales were also out and about separately this week on their own solo engagements.

The Prince of Wales started off by visiting Together at One, a charity in Slough that tackles gang violence.

“So I’m assuming you’ve invited me here today because you’ve heard about me lamping Harry a few years back and want to learn how to throw a decent left hook in case one of those gangs come after you.”

William even joined in where a team of young carers were learning about food and nutritional skills at the charity for the day.

“So if you just turn on the stove, Your Royal Highness—“

“Right, yes… and… how would one do that?”

But once the buttons to the stove were fully located, Prince William was in his element, helping the team make teriyaki noodles.

“So once it’s cooked, do I just hold it like this until the butler comes to put it in the bowls?”

But while the teriyaki noodles may have been a success, The Prince had to come clean about the fact that he wasn’t always so gifted in the culinary sense. He told teacher and chef Kevin Muhammad that his sauces came out “lumpy and dry.”

There’s such a thing as oversharing, William.

Kevin, however, said that William was in fact very pleased with the food they made in there and really enjoyed the spices and seasoning.

“Yes, don’t get too excited – one spoonful for each of you – I’ve gotta take this home to feed a family of five so the cook can have a night off.”

But The Prince eventually came clean when he told Mr. Muhammad that he was not such an awful chef after all and cooked a “mean steak”.

“I cook a bloody good whale steak, but only once a year and we have to share it amongst the whole family. Standing for anything longer than 3 minutes in the kitchen is tiring, isn’t it?

At least if his cooking skills weren’t up to par, he was at least able to confer some wisdom in relation to his self-defence skills.

“So you wanna give a really hard shove— don’t be afraid to put some force into it. It helps if there’s a dog bowl around for them to fall onto…”

Elsewhere, his wife Catherine, Princess of Wales was undertaking her own solo engagement in Luton at the Foxcubs Nursery as part of her work raising awareness on the importance of the early years.

“Do my children go here? Oh fuck no, darling– they’re in £20,000 a year private schools in Windsor. I’d never send them to this hovel. Anyway good morning– thank you for having me.”

Travelling an hour from her home on the castle grounds, Catherine arrived at the nursery shortly before 11am, before speaking to a teacher about the number of kids being back in for the first day of school, making reference to the number of flu cases that have crashed through England over the last month.

“Did your children catch any of the coughs and colds going around, Your Highness?”

“No, no they didn’t– but they do all have a major case of pain-in-the-arse-itis. It was a real joy to drop them back off at school this morning.”

Kate spent some time with the kids at the sand pit table, messing around with some masks that the children were making and holding one over her face.

“There! Now you can’t tell who I am, kids!”

“…we’ve no bloody idea who you are anyway.”

Before long, it was time to say goodbye and prepare for the next engagement– and it was clear Kate had thoroughly enjoyed the day.

“Would you like to stay for a coffee, Your Highness?”

“Oh gosh, no thank you. I don’t even spend this amount of time with my own kids and definitely need something a bit stiffer than a latte now.”

But it’s another day and another engagement for Kate, as she headed to meet England’s World-Cup Winners of the Wheelchair Rugby League, where she discussed the family’s love of sport.

“I mean, William and the kids are really into football and rugby. While they run around, I undertake my own form of exercise– lifting a gin and tonic glass to my mouth, which is more strenuous than people might think. It really sculpts the biceps and forearms.”

But Catherine shared the information that it was her youngest child, 4-and-a-half-year old Prince Louis, who is the biggest rugby fan in the family, currently playing tag rugby at school.

“I mean, it’s just the basics at the moment; running, passing, that sort of thing… But when it comes to tackling, as we all know, I’m sure his father will be able to provide some tips.”

Kate did, however, share her own exercise regime and how she stays so svelte after having three kids– jumping on the trampoline before they go to school every morning!

“We try to let them out on it for about 20 minutes every morning or there are tears and some serious tantrums.

“Children, eh!”

“…Children? I was talking about Charles and Camilla.”

She also said that she keeps fit by ‘running around after the kids’ because they are at an age where they ‘just love to do that’.

“So you’re really hands-on, Your Highness: you really get your best exercise chasing after George, Charlotte and Louis?”

“Well, I try to do it for about 2-3 minutes a day before I let the nanny take over because I’m positively exhausted. You should see how fit she is– like The Rock but Spanish and with long hair.”

So now royal engagements have kicked off for 2023, there will be lots to post about. As I’m also sure the Dastardly Duo in California won’t be able to keep their traps shut, there will be even more to go off shortly as well.

I did want to cover Harry’s interview with Stephen Colbert too, but may have to do this in the next segment as there was already plenty to write about this week!

Also— I’ve now set up an Instagram if you want to follow me for a few small (daily) laughs alongside the blog!

I’m over at: 📸 crownsofbritain

Until next time lovelies– stay safe, stay warm (if you’re in freezing Britain) and I will see you all again soon!

And a very happy belated birthday to Catherine, Princess of Wales, who turned 41 on the 9th January

17 responses to “Royal Round-Up: 22nd January”

  1. Enjoyed your blog as always. I’m with you on finding their hypocrisy and refusal to take responsibility for anything extremely annoying.
    Catherine said that talking therapy doesn’t work for everyone, which seems to indicate that some might need medication. That is probably true of Harry, but does not mean the self ‘medication’ he continues to do.

    1. Absolutely agree– the hypocrisy is astounding and Harry is definitely a lost soul. Thank you for reading my love xx

    1. Thank you my love! 🙂 xx

  2. Hilarious and entertaining as always! Thank you!!😊

  3. Brilliant, as always. We all know FAR too much about Harold’s anatomy.

    1. Haha– I would agree it’s TMI now! Thank you love xx

  4. Thanks for a very enjoyable read! I broke out laughing a few times. The pictures you find are so great but it’s your description underneath them that are hysterical. Saffy, you are a gifted writer!

  5. Thank you very much for today’s writeup. I love your dry sense of humour.

    With friendly greetings from Bavaria!

    1. Thank you very much my lovely! xx

  6. As ever a jolly start to the year. What surprises me most really is that William only knocked Haznoballs over once! If he’d been my little brother I think it would have been a daily event! So in 40yrs/38yrs Wills only knock Haznoballs over 1 time & Haznoballs has to WRITE all about it as if it weren’t normal? Haznoballs needs to go & live with a normal family of boys & see just how pathetic his tale/tail end is!

    1. Thank you darling! I was thinking the same!? Since when is it rare for two brothers to get into a scrap? You’ll be hard pushed to find any brothers across the planet who have not gotten into a physical fight at some point! xx

  7. Thanks so much for making me laugh so much. The hypocricy is incredible…Harold really is a little shit.

    1. You are so welcome! So glad you enjoyed and I totally agree he is! xx

  8. Oh my! You never fail to bring laughter to such a ridiculous situation.

  9. Sorry to be tardy. as I’ve had a near death virus. I had to comment that this is one of your most hilarious yet. You are a wildly talented and original voice in the swamp of “sweet nods, olive branches and bombshells (that fizzle) proliferating these days in whatever passes as mainstream media. I, for one, have given up on it, and get my information from sources such as this one. Thanks for being you, and please continue for as long as you can. You’re a clear voice in the wilderness of spin and mass gaslighting.

    1. Janet!!! Oh my gosh, hope you’re feeling much better now? I’m so sorry to hear you were so sick— there were a lot of nasty viruses going around the back end of last year. Hope you’ve made a full recovery ♥️ thank you as ever for your sweet words and I hope you’re well xxx

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