Royal Round-Up: 29th October

Hello everyone, and after a super long break, I am finally back!

Sorry for the ridiculously long hiatus; life has been really very busy. Here are some things that went on while I was away…

I turned the big 3-0 at the end of August and as you can imagine, there was about a month long celebration for that.

I would say I was more graceful over the celebrations than Monica Geller, but that would probably be a lie.

I topped it off with a nice week on the stunningly beautiful island of Santorini– where I actually cried on the way to the airport when I was leaving because I didn’t want to go.

Will retire here

I also had a little break in The Cotswolds, whereby I spent ages chopping grapes for the ducks, only to have all the ducks hide, two greedy swans eat them all and then have all the ducks surround the cabin on the morning I was going home and had shit all left for them.

Really?! Come on

I think I’ve missed quite a lot (an understatement), but as I started penning some paragraphs on some older items ages ago and am now unwilling to delete them and start afresh, let’s get stuck in to both (very) old and recent news…

Harry and Meghan at Beyoncé

Good grief– just when Beyonce thought she had gotten rid of them, they waft in like a fart through the arena doors.

“Bey! It’s me– Meg! How you doing hun?”
“Shit, has she seen me yet? Is it too late to cancel the tour?”

Yep, on the first night of Beyonce’s Renaissance tour, Harry and Meghan made sure they were up front and centre with Meghan’s mother, Doria (who judging by her embarrassing photos with the Kardashians, would go to the opening of an envelope these days).

I mean really– just what the fuck was going on here?

But back to Beyoncé, and Mum and daughter really got into the swing of things, with Doria taking the opportunity to snap some photos of the event.

While Harry looked as though he would rather be strapped to a nuclear bomb than be in attendance for this one

Allegedly the concert tickets were a present to Doria, who was celebrating her 67th birthday at the LA gig– but Harry didn’t appear to give a shite about his mother in law’s birthday and instead spent most of the gig with his hands in his pockets or staring at his phone– probably hoping there’d be a security emergency that would have them all evacuated from the venue.

“Haz, isn’t this just amazing babe!?”

“Oh come on– there’s got to be a nutter somewhere in the crowd with a water pistol that will shut this shit down so we can all go home.”

For once, I can’t say I blame him; making a 39-year-old man having to sit through a Beyoncé concert is a somewhat onerous task at the best of times, and especially when the man in question has the attention span of a flea.

But it looks like Meghan got the message as she returned on her own for a second night, leaving Harry at home with the kids.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come to the second show, Harry? Because if not, I hope you know you’ll be on babysitting duty.”
“Babysitting, dinner, even unclogging the bog in the en-suite… I’ll do any of it as long as I don’t have to sit through that shit again.”

So it was off to another night of Beyoncé for Meghan, where onlookers said it looked more like ‘business than pleasure’ as Meghan was seen mingling with a number of A-listers– probably trying to see whether or not anyone in Hollywood would still talk to her.

I mean, there was Kelly Rowland and Kerry Washington, but let’s face it, they’re hardly up to much either, so they probably had loads in common with Meghan in that area

She was apparently also seen talking to the Netflix CEO, Ted Sarandos, likely in a bid to get some other shit reality show commissioned after everyone forgot about Harry & Meghan and with the major flop of Heart of Invictus.

“Please, we’ll do anything, yah. The Real Housewives of Montecito? Or what about The Only Way Is Sussex? Or Selling Sussex? Come on, give us something!”

Whatever she managed to secure, it’ll likely be a pile of crap anyway and I don’t think Netflix are going to give her or Harry the time of day ever again, so I’d suggest she stops wasting her time.

Maybe Amazon Prime will have you, who knows

William and Kate in Wales

After a lengthy summer break to spend time with their kids, The Prince and Princess of Wales were back on the circuit, and boy did they come back with a bang.

The couple kicked off proceedings with a trip to Wales on the first anniversary of the death of Queen Elizabeth II.

“Isn’t it great to be back, Kate?”

“I dunno babes– it’s been ten minutes and I already need a pina colada and a nap.”

Travelling to Pembrokeshire, the pair marked the first anniversary of The Queen’s passing with a small and private service at St. David’s Cathedral, whereby Kate lay down a bouquet of flowers in front of a photograph of the late monarch.

“This is a big bouquet compared to what I normally get on royal visits and I’m still bloody alive.”

William and Kate stopped for a moment in silence to pay their respects to William’s grandmother inside the cathedral, clearly deep in thought over all that had occurred the last year since her passing.

“Fuck me Nan, if you were still here, you wouldn’t believe the shit Harry and Meghan are still getting up to. Wouldn’t hurt for you to pop over to Montecito in poltergeist form every now and again and give Megs a scare when she’s on the toilet at 3:00am.”

But once they were done with the service, it was time to head out and meet the crowds who had lined the streets to meet them– some waiting hours for a glimpse of the royal couple– along with members of the Cathedral.

“Are you excited to be back in Wales, Your Royal Highnesses?”

“Well, I think Wills and I would be more excited to be back on the beach in Sardinia, but this will do for now, I guess.”

Afterwards though, it was on to a slightly more physical task, where the pair visited a seaweed farm– with Kate finally getting her own bouquet of flowers.

“See, this is exactly the kind of shit I mean– where did you find these, the bins outside Asda?

The seaweed farm is called Câr-Y-Môr, which is known as the first ‘regenerative ocean farm’ in Wales.

“As you can probably tell Your Highnesses, it does have quite a peculiar smell..”

“Oh, is that the seaweed? Thank fuck– I thought William had let one go.”

The pair also spoke to staff at the RNLI lifeboat station, where Queen Elizabeth II had been patron up until her death.

“I haven’t spent much time on many boats previously– apart from one of those party ones William and Harry chartered for my 30th birthday some years back that goes around the Thames, where we whacked a tab behind the bar and everyone got rat-arsed. Is that similar to what you do here?”

“Eh… slightly different, Your Highness.”

The pair were also gifted some honey by 2-year-old Albie, the son of deputy coxswain Judd Kohler and crew member Ellen Evans, which was handed to Prince William.

“Thanks mate– awfully nice of you. Honey does give me the shits though, so I’m gonna have to put this in the bin, but I appreciate the thought.”

All in all, a nice return to Wales for the couple to kick off the rest of the year’s engagements.

“Right, we’re off, thanks for a lovely day guys. Can you drop us off at that pub over there? Might pop in for a swift half before heading back to England and picking the kids up from school.”

Harry returns to the U.K. (and Germany)

In September, Harry sadly made his way back to the UK for some crap or another, ensuring his visit coincided with the death anniversary of his grandmother.

“Listen, let’s make this quick, yah– I hear my brother has MI5 on the hunt to remove me from the UK and I’ve barely sat down with a pint yet.”

The first stop for Harry was the Wellchild Awards here in London, which celebrates seriously ill children and their families– but for some reason, looked as though he had a pole wedged up his arse from start to finish.

The rest of them look like they’ve got a cattle prod stuck up there too and I can’t say I blame them

Attending the event on the eve of his late grandmother’s death anniversary, Harry (ever the name dropper when he realises he has no other card to play) ensured that he mentioned Queen Elizabeth in his speech onstage to garner what little sympathy he could.

He went on to say:

As you know, I was unable to attend the awards last year as my grandmother passed away.

As you also probably know, she would have been the first person to insist that I still come to be with you all instead of going to her, and that’s precisely why I know exactly one year on that she is looking down on all of us tonight, happy we’re together, continuing to spotlight such an incredible community.

I can only imagine what QEII was thinking listening to that crap from up above.

“I really couldn’t give less of a shit about watching over your petulant arse. I just keep an eye every now and again to make sure you’re still far away from the crown jewels in America.”

Harry went on to talk about the support needed for such vulnerable children in the community, saying:

It is our collective responsibility to continue to provide new and existing resources for you, to advocate on your behalf, and to help in any way we can.

I’m really not sure who ‘we’ is though, I must say?

“Yes, we really must support the kids in any which way we can, be that emotionally or financially.”
“Lol, not me though, I’m on a plane back to Cali next week.”

But later in the night and chatting to Wellchild award winners at the ceremony, which took place at The Hurlingham Club, Harry apparently appeared ‘relaxed’ in his demeanour– which shouldn’t have come as a surprise, considering he was sat on his arse talking crap, not running the London marathon.

Harry apparently asked the kids about their hobbies and discussed the balloons dotted around the event, which were shaped like animals.

“The giraffe one you had was very cute; however, I think your daddy accidentally picked one up that was meant for the bachelorette party next door instead of a children’s event. Put it away Graham please– there are kids about.”

Once done at Wellchild and keen to show he really gave a shit about his late grandmother, with energy he couldn’t muster while she was alive, it was over to Windsor for Harry, whereby he visited St. George’s Chapel to pay his respects to his gran at her place of rest.

“Well Harry, thank you for stopping by, it was nice of you to come and pay your respects.”

“Not at all, yah– although I only really came in because I needed a dump and I’m not allowed inside Windsor Castle itself to use the toilet anymore.”

I’m honestly not sure why he bothered. I mean, I know she was his grandmother, but he put her through so much over her final years, it just seems farcical to go and ‘pay his respects’ now when he never had any before.

“I have no idea what you mean, yah; we abandoned her when she was elderly, refused to do royal duties in order to support her, dragged her name through the mud and called her a racist, but that’s just any standard British family, you know.”

One thing I will say is that I’m really glad Meghan didn’t take this as an opportunity to fly over to England with him and get her face plastered in all the papers. She must really hate the UK if she can’t be bothered to even come here for that now.

“Why the fuck would I be ignored at Buckingham Palace when I can be ignored at a Beyoncé concert instead?”

It has also been said by some royal reporters that part of the reason Meghan doesn’t want to visit is because she doesn’t want to curtsy to the Princess of Wales when she gets here, which she would likely find infuriating.

“Bitch, I ain’t bending the knee to you.”
“You’ll be bending more than that when I smash your face against my new granite worktop.”

But it seems that Harry did not want to spend much time here either and before long, he left for Dusseldorf for the Invictus Games, where he looked decidedly happier.

“It’s good to have you here, Harry.”

“Well, it’s always good to be somewhere where I have less of a chance of having a box of raw Duchy of Cornwall eggs pelted at my head.”

Arriving ahead of the games, Harry gave a speech onstage (because just like his wife, he really loves the sound of his own voice). I couldn’t be bothered to read a transcript or hear what he said, but I was rather distracted by the backdrop behind him that read ‘A Home For Respect’.

Well that home definitely isn’t Chez Sussex

I’m beginning to think they are taking the piss with this ‘respect’ stuff. Harry and Meghan– two people who can never be bothered to even nod in the direction of either of their families– think they have the right to preach about respect? That’s like Putin telling us all to ‘love thy neighbour’.

“Why don’t we all just have a cup of tea and hold hands, guys?”

I mean really– what does this dickhead know about respect?

In any case, it wasn’t long before the situation got a whole lot worse and Markle showed up in Germany, clearly desperate to go somewhere where people sort of liked her.

“Yes, I know. This is such a huge moment for you. I’d be in awe too.”

Making sure every part of her arrival into Germany was documented, Meghan even ensured she was pictured with Yuliia “Taira” Paievska, a medic who founded the volunteer Ambulance Corps ‘Taira’s Angels’ during the Russia-Ukraine war. As this was a notion to help others, I don’t imagine Meghan understood much of it.

“So how I starter ‘Taira’s Angels’ was really quite unique, in that–“

“Sorry Tara, let me just stop you right there; I just needed a photo of me with someone more disadvantaged so that the media could paint me as the next Mother Theresa. You can let go now.”

Clearly enjoying the fact that apparently no one in Germany has read about how much of a cow she is yet, Meghan was all smiles and hugs as she greeted the gaggle of idiots who actually lined up to meet her bone idle backside.

“In the UK or USA, we usually just get booed or have people tell us to fuck off, so this is really exciting. Better start looking for a property in Germany, Harry.”

But it wasn’t long before Harry and Meghan were back to their favourite spot – onstage and listening to themselves talk – and the pair really could not contain their excitement.

“God Harry, look– the lights, the cameras, the cheers… Have you ever seen such a beautiful sight?”

“Beautiful sight indeed– check out the rack on that chick in the first row. God bless Germany.”

The two made sure to attend as many games as they could, mainly for Meghan to maximise her chances of getting her mug in the media again, and were keen to cheer on competitors.

“I really do think the Germans stand a good chance in this game. Fantastic side, great athletes–“

“Yeah, can you shift a bit to your left? Your shoulder’s blocking the camera’s view of me.”

Meghan, as usual, seemed more interested in hanging off of Harry during the matches and trying to talk to him throughout, which would’ve annoyed me something chronic if I were him. He was there to watch people compete– not listen to his wife bleat on about some crap or the other in his ear.

“So babes, I just had the interior designer on the phone from Montecito and they’re thinking white marble for Lili’s en-suite and maybe oak flooring in the sixth bedroom? What do you think? …Babe?”
“Meghan, will you fuck off, yah? I’m trying to watch the game– not discuss toilet brush colours.”
“Ok… just quickly, confirm if you’d rather have black or white toilet paper in the downstairs bathroom?”
“Here– stick this in your gob if it’ll shut you up for three minutes.”

Luckily for Harry, it wasn’t long before the hell was over and he could bundle his wife onto a plane and back home to Cali.

“Ooh careful there, babes! You nearly broke my nose with your elbow.”

“‘Nearly‘? Bugger. I was so sure I was right on target that time.”

William and Kate’s Rugby Podcast

Meanwhile in England, William and Kate were keen to ignore Harry’s birthday and Invictus and instead teamed up with Mike Tindall and some of his rugby pals to chat on a sports-focused podcast.

“Firstly, thank you all for taking part and making the time to be here today.”

“Yes well, Wills and I were promised a free glass of wine and we had nothing better to do, so here we are.”

Joined by Mike’s mother-in-law Princess Anne, the group talked all things athletics, mainly learning more about the Prince and Princess of Wales’s sporty sides and what they enjoy doing when they are off duty.

Firstly, claims were addressed of the royal couple being super competitive with one another– a rumour Kate vehemently denied. The Princess responded by saying that she ‘wasn’t sure where she claims had come from’.

“I have no idea who comes up with this shit. I’m not that competitive, am I, Wills?”

“…Babe, you chucked a cricket bat at me last week because I threw the ball too low.”

Mike chimed in, joking that if the pair ever played a game of table tennis it would ‘last hours and hours’, with Kate responding that she “didn’t think her and William had ever actually finished a game of tennis.”

“We don’t typically finish games of tennis, no. Largely because Kate has smashed the shit out of the racket by the end of the first set.”

Keen to deflect from the Wales’ competitive personalities, and just in case The Princess brought out the cricket bat again, Mike then asked the pair if an interest in sports had been passed down to their three children– Prince George, 10, Princess Charlotte, 8 and Prince Louis, 5. Kate told Mike:

What I think is really interesting is that they are all obviously very different temperaments. They are growing and trying out different sports. They’re obviously still really young. It’s going to be interesting to see how that grows and develops.

“George! Pass me the ball! I swear I won’t score an own goal this time.”

“Fuck off Charlotte. Why don’t you stick to ballet or knitting instead, you useless cow.”

But proud mum Kate was keen to explain that her kids had taken early interest in sports, noting that George and Charlotte had taken up football and were keen to partake in their school Sports Day… as were Mum and Dad, by the sounds of things.

The Princess talked of how the kids’ school had called a ‘parents race’ at the last minute on Sports Day this year, describing her and William’s eagerness to take part.

“So you took part in the parents’ race too, did you Wills?”

“Yeah. Mainly because Kate kicked me in the nuts to get me to agree. I was happier sat there with my pint and packet of pork scratchings, to be honest.”

It was revealed that William had gone to extreme lengths to overtake some of the other dads and did quite well, while Kate admits that she ‘was definitely not in front of her race’.

“No no, unfortunately I came last, but I’m fifty times better looking than the other mums and I’m going to be Queen one day, so fuck them, quite frankly.”

It was also revealed during this chat that Kate enjoys other sporting activities such as ‘cold water swimming’ at night– something William cannot quite understand. She said of her hobby:

I love swimming wherever I can. Cold swimming – the colder, the better. I absolutely love it. Slightly to the point where William’s saying ‘You’re crazy’ and it’s dark and it’s raining’. I will go and seek out cold water.

I have to say, I agree with William here; despite being a born and bred Brit, I cannot handle being even slightly cold and as for rain or being drenched? Fucking forget it. I have a meltdown if there’s a slight shower and I realise I’ve left my umbrella at home.

“So you don’t usually join Kate on her nightly swims, Wills?”

“No bloody way. She’s only out there so late because I lock the doors behind her when she heads to the outdoor pool so I can get a bit of peace and quiet for a few hours. She’s come to enjoy late night swimming because I don’t usually open the doors again until the next morning when it’s time for her to do the school run.”

In any case, it’s good to hear the Wales family love staying so active. I barely get off my arse ever, so I’m quite impressed.

William goes to NYC and Kate goes to prison

Yep, it was divide and conquer last month when William flew over to New York City to promote the Earthshot Prize, while Kate remained behind in the UK undertaking her own slew of engagements.

“What’s up New York, good to be back! Looking forward to a luxurious time here, like a trip up Rockefeller and dinner at The Waldorf Astoria. It’s going to be amazing.”
“Actually sir, we’re going to dump you in some water and have you walk pretty far out so that you can drop off some oyster shells.”

“…Are you taking the piss?”

Visiting the One Billion Oysters Project on Governors Island, which aims to fill the waters around it with one billion oyster shells by 2035 to act as natural water filters, William was thrown straight into the action.

“So just trying to get this straight– you want me to get in the water and start dropping shit off like an Uber Eats delivery driver?”

Donning some waders, William joined those working on the project as he made his way through the East River water and dropped off some oyster shells as contribution.

“Yah thing is, I’m actually the heir to the throne in Britain, which is fairly important where I come from. I wouldn’t go and spend a Monday cleaning algae out of ponds in the local park or something, you know? It’s a little beneath me.”

He also got a chance to see the large stack of oyster shells that has been donated from across 75 New York City restaurants in order to support the initiative.

“And are we going to be eating at one of these 75 restaurants any time soon? One is simply famished, yah.”

According to the director of the project though, William had told everyone how much he ‘seriously enjoyed’ wading through the East River and learning more about what the goals and aims were.

“Yes, it was fairly enjoyable– but after an 8 hour flight, I do really think I’d have enjoyed a beer and a pepperoni pizza a little more.”

But there was no time for rest yet and after his visit to the oyster farm, William was off to meet with the U.N. Secretary-General António Guterres– presumably after he had some lunch.

“To be honest, they’ve only really given me a pack of Cheetos in the back of the car on the way here. Haven’t got any sandwiches have you, mate?”

During their sit-down, the Secretary-General and the Prince of Wales discussed what was required in the fight against climate change and to protect the environment.

“Firstly, we need to get the average citizen to take charge of lowering their own emissions by walking and cycling where they can and where they cannot, they must use hybrid cars.”
“I mean, someone’s gotta work hard to offset my own carbon footprint I made by flying on a private Boeing 747 to get here. And it ain’t gonna be me.”

They also discussed the efforts needed to enhance the implementation of the Sustainable Development Goals, as well as crucial financing for development in order to support the cause.

“And then there’s the issue of money. Of course, we could increase the taxes of US citizens everywhere, starting with New York and New Jersey and then once they can’t afford it anymore, we’ll hit California. We’ll go after my brother and his wife specifically.”
“And how much will you be donating, Your Royal Highness?”
“Listen mate, I’ve got three kids in exclusive English private schools, a wife who wears £2,000 outfits to pop to the local supermarket and annual house renovations to pay for once Kate decides the state-of-the-art fridge we bought only six months ago is now a piece of shit. Do I look like I’m particularly flush at the moment?”

The Prince also visited the Ladder 10 Firehouse in Tribeca, whose rescue efforts were at the center of the 9/11 terrorist attack in 2001, where he was greeted by large crowds upon his arrival.

“Truly wonderful to see you all. Thank you so much for coming out just for me… Sorry, what?”
“What do you mean ‘where’s Kate’? Listen fuck off yah– I think you’re all forgetting who the blood born royal is, here.”

However, William seemed to very much enjoy his day walking around the FDNY Firehouse and learning more about the part they played on that terrible day 22 years ago.

“I mean, I understand a lot of the work carried out. I used to be a search and rescue man myself, many moons ago.”
“I mean granted, I used to just fuck off for a McDonald’s when my team were doing the actual rescue work, but I sent them good vibes while I enjoyed my Big Mac.”

And as William took on the Big Apple, Catherine was holding the fort back home, paying a visit to HMP High Down, a Category B prison in Surrey.

Yes, well when you think ‘princess’, you don’t typically think ‘prison’ in the same sentence, but here we are.”

The aim of the visit was for The Princess of Wales to speak with prisoners on how they were overcoming drug and alcohol addictions, as part of her work with The Forward Trust and within Addition Awareness Week.

“I totally understand how easy it can become to reach for something to alleviate stress. I mean, we had 200 bottles of wine in the Adelaide Cottage cellar when we moved in last year and after having to spend a few hours with the kids each evening, we are now down to about 4.”

But prior to talking to the prisoners, Kate was not exempt from an airport security style-exercise, where she learned more about what the families of prisoners had to do before visiting their incarcerated loved ones.

“So just to be clear, you’re not actually going to search me, are you? I mean, I don’t have anything on me, but I’m a Princess of Britain. Surely that’s against the law.”

Once inside, Kate was introduced to a sniffer dog who routinely inspect any visitors for any prohibited substances before they visit the inmates.

“Oh how sweet! You have emotional support dogs.”

“No Your Highness– these are drug sniffer dogs.”
“Oh.. Heh… That was a joke right? Yes?”

And before long, Kate was made to sit in a waiting area with others with her hands on her knees as the dog did its rounds of checking everything was as it should be.

“Fuck. I hope he doesn’t detect that spliff I got from Tony down the road and put in my bra earlier for Wills and I to enjoy tonight once the kids are in bed.”

But after the relevant exercises were over, it was time for Kate to leave the prison and head home for the day.

“Whew– that was a close one. Time to fuck off and enjoy that joint. Bye all. Stay sober.”

During September, Kate also joined a portage session in Sittingbourne as part of her work with ‘Shaping Us’, where she met with families of disabled children who require special educational needs.

“It’s such a pleasure to be here, not least because I had no idea where Sittingbourne was until about two hours ago. Thank fuck for Google Maps.”

Visiting the Orchards Centre in Kent, Kate was there to highlight the importance of supporting children with special needs, alongside their families.

“I can totally understand how difficult it must be having to provide that level of support. I mean, we have a nanny, housekeepers and my parents on hand for our three, and I still feel like I’m losing my shit most days when all I have to handle is bedtime.”

Kate joined a sensory development class which involved a group of children with who have a range of needs and conditions, such as social communication difficulties, autism and Down’s Syndrome.

“I get it– Louis has a lot of social communication issues too, in that he just doesn’t like people. He told a Windsor Castle guard to ‘fuck off’ last week because he asked him how school was going.”

Kate also met with some of the front-line practitioners to understand more about portage and how it is that they support families on a daily basis. She was also able to learn a lot about the struggles the parents face on a daily basis too.

“Bloody hell, so you actually spend that many hours a day with your child? Oh, I could never. I sometimes just barricade myself in the en-suite with a bottle of vodka to escape the madness. Kudos to you.”

The families all seemed quite delighted by their meeting with Kate, talking of how she seemed ‘genuinely interested and engaged’ with the children.

“Look! Shredded paper that has completed destroyed the carpet– how exciting! Very glad I’m not the cleaner here.”
“Yes, throw it at mummy and not at me, please– only one of us is wearing a bespoke £3,000 Chanel jacket.”

But after an hour at the centre, it was time to leave– with the Princess waving enthusiastically at the onlookers outside, waiting to catch a glimpse of her.

“That was absolutely fucking exhausting. Time for a tipple and a nap. Laters, Kent.”

Harry and Meghan – Mental Health Week

So these two twerps were back at it this month, practically wetting themselves in excitement at the prospect of Mental Health Week, as it gives them an opportunity to spout yet more hypocritical crap.

Joining a summit for World Mental Health Day in NYC, the pair decided it was a great idea to give yet another speech on something neither one of them fully understands.

“It is really so amazing to be able to speak in front of you all here today. Mainly to listen to my own voice for 45 minutes, or my own mental health suffers.”

Harry and Meghan joined a Carson Daly moderated panel to speak to… drum roll please... parents who had experienced tragic loss, connected to their child’s social media use.

Sorry… am I the only one that doesn’t get this? Who picked these two to speak on a panel about something neither one of them has experienced?

“Well look, we might not have directly experienced it yah– but you may recall that Meghan had a miscarriage 3 years ago. She was scrolling through Twitter and reading negative comments about us before this which stressed her out, so technically.. we lost a child due to social media and have every right to be sat up here now.”

Their kids can just about walk let alone use social media– what in the fuck did they think they were doing sitting up there to discuss a topic they have no knowledge of? I mean, it wouldn’t be the first time they’ve opened their mouths about something they didn’t have the first clue on, but this is a different ball game.

“I can totally identify. I mean, social media almost drove me to suicide while I was pregnant with my son and even though I’m not a child, nor have I lost one, I can be moved to tears if I imagine something as sad as that… like going bankrupt or not being able to afford that new Louis Vuitton handbag I’ve had my eye on.”

Meghan told the audience: “As parents – our kids are really young, two and a half and four and a half – but social media is not going away.”

She also went on to say: “Being a mom is the most important thing in my entire life, outside, of course, being a wife to this one. I feel fortunate that our children are quite young, so this isn’t in our immediate future, but I also feel frightened by how it’s continuing to change and this will be in front of us.”

Firstly… I do laugh that Harry was first referred to as ‘my husband’ and is now simply ‘this one’.

You’re next on the scrapheap, dude

But on a more serious note… I cannot be the only person who finds it weird that Harry and Meghan talked fairly incessantly about their own kids in a room full of people who had recently lost theirs?

I’m not a mother but I’m trying to imagine sitting on a panel and talking about something your own two young, privileged and healthy children are totally untainted by and thinking what you’re saying actually resonates with the parents in the room who lost their kids to suicide.

Meghan Markle honestly strikes me as the type of woman who would walk into a fertility clinic with her newborn baby in her arms and be like:

“See? Even though I had no issues getting pregnant, even at the age of 37, it happened to me so it could happen to you too! Just keep on believing.”

These two are so fucking tone deaf I cannot even begin to scratch the surface. Not every appearance needs to be turned into ‘the ‘The Harry and Meghan Show’ whereby they bring every story back to themselves. You were there to support others and this was not about you!

And to make matters worse, back home in California, they had some paid for crony friend tell the press all about what they are like as parents, while they sat on a child bereavement panel, saying:

They are loving life as parents of two. Meghan is the best mom, and Harry is always on the floor playing with the kids. They are still such a team.

Given the fact they are both almost always in another city or country without said children, I do have to question how hands on they actually are. At this stage, I’m surprised their kids even recognise them when they walk through the door.

“Hey kids! Mommy and Daddy are home!”
“Archie, who the fuck is that? One of the Kardashians?”

Well that’s all for now– I’ve tried to play catch up as much as possible, but there were some things I had to leave out as I just couldn’t type any more.

This past week was also a little quiet as William and Kate were not on the circuit much, probably due to the kids being off for half term holidays, so I’m sure it’ll be back in full swing this week.

I will be back posting regularly now (I promise!) so I will keep an eye on all things royal and be back again next weekend.

Until then, stay safe, stay sane and have a good week ahead!

9 responses to “Royal Round-Up: 29th October”

  1. Nice to have you back!! Miss you!

    1. Thank you darling! Life always gets in the way but I’m committed to sticking around now! ❤️

      1. That’s good to hear. You have been missed X

  2. Glad to see you back X

  3. Happy Belated 30th! Glad you were able to enjoy it fully.
    Good to have you and your blog back.

    1. Thank you darling! ❤️

  4. LOL on a grey, wet monday morning. Thanks as always.

    1. You’ve very welcome and thank you love! ❤️

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