Hello everyone — it’s that time of the week again!
Hope you’ve all had a good week! I feel like nothing happened in royal world at the beginning of last week and then everything happened all at once in this last week, so I’ve had to scramble.
So— let’s take a look at some highlights, because bloody hell, have there been a few…
William at The Orangery
So last week, The Prince of Wales visited The Orangery restaurant and it’s staff in Lostwithiel, Cornwall.
Making the four hour drive from his home in Windsor, Prince William was there to formally open the venue, which serves as part of a 9-month extension plan to create sustainable living.
“…Those are not actually ours, your Royal Highness– they’re leftovers from the takeaway lunch we had before you got here.”
William took a tour of the central atrium, where he met the staff who have been heavily involved with the project.
“It’s commonly known as a ‘job’, Your Royal Highness.”
Moving over to The Glasshouse, Prince William got a chance to hear all about the large variety of plants for sale, alongside the adjoining Bumblebee Garden.
The Bumblebee Garden looks at preserving the declining bumblebee population within the United Kingdom– something that would surely have interested William’s wife, The Princess of Wales, who recently revealed that she keeps bees at home.
“Oh, it’s a pain in the arse, yah– quite literally. They’re all over the gaff. I didn’t see one on my favourite armchair before sitting down last week and now have a whelk on my backside the size of Devon. Frankly, after that, I couldn’t give a shit about the bees.”
Before leaving though, it was time to formally open The Orangery– with the aid of some little helpers.
And with that, it was time for the Prince to head home after a lovely day in Cornwall.
And now for the big news of the hour…
Harry and Meghan are taking time apart
Well, bugger me!
So I think it was my last blog where I predicted a timeline for their split and guessed it would be a year before the separation announcement, but it now looks like we’re well on track for something before Christmas.
Yes, it has come out via various news sources in the last 48 hours that Harry and Meghan have decided to ‘take some time apart’ in the ‘face of financial struggles’.
There is an awful lot to unpack here…
Firstly… ‘taking time apart’, which is a nice way of saying ‘this relationship is definitely fucked and we’re easing you and ourselves in ahead of a divorce announcement’.
It is thought that the pair are trying out a ‘trial separation’ after ‘months of fighting’ due to ‘humiliation over their failed ventures’.
Apparently the ‘trial separation’ will hopefully allow the couple time to reflect on what has happened the last few years and hopefully allow them to find their bond again.
“Ohhh.. no. I said I would work on going through your stocks and bonds and your trust fund to see what was left of it. You must have misheard, baby.”
When most couples decide to take a break, they are usually in different towns, or even different cities. But with Meghan remaining at the couple’s Californian mansion while Harry heads to Africa to film his documentary, it seems like the two just can’t get far enough from each other.
The other part that made me laugh was when the tabloids suggested they were facing ‘financial difficulty’. I mean, for Harry and Meghan, what exactly is ‘financial difficulty’? They live in a $15million mansion.
I find it hard to believe they’re struggling.. I mean, didn’t they get something ridiculous like $100million for the Netflix documentary? What the hell happened to that money? The documentary only came out about 8 months ago!
I’ve said it before (repeatedly) and I will say it again– it was quite clear Meghan was going to be done with Harry when she could not squeeze another drop from him. It is no surprise the cracks have started to show once she realised he could do absolutely nothing further for her image.
I can just see her sat on Oprah’s sofa, giving the first post-divorce interview like:
This all comes as it was revealed the other day that the Department of Homeland Security in the USA refused to comment on the status of Harry’s visa application, citing his ‘right to privacy’.
The intrigue surrounding the application was largely due to the fact that Harry had admitted extensive drug use in the past, which he had apparently not declared in his initial visa application to live in the United States– which was met with public uproar.
Given the fact him and Meghan are on the rocks though, I highly doubt it matters to Homeland Security now.
In all honesty, I doubt his application is even active now– he has probably pulled the plug on it himself after realising that life in Cali isn’t for him and that his wife is going to divorce him anyway.
But when the inevitable divorce does happen, what will be waiting for Harry when he gets back to England? He has completely alienated and disrespected his family, so I doubt he will get a warm reception– especially from the Wales clan.
I also can’t imagine it would go down too well with his older brother William, who likely wouldn’t be too keen on a reconciliation.
It will certainly be interesting to see how this plays out anyway.
Aaaand speaking of flying between the UK and the USA, perhaps the funniest news story to arise this week was that Harry and Meghan had expected to fly on Air Force One after attending Queen Elizabeth II’s funeral here in London.
I just want to know at what point Harry and Meghan actually thought that this request would be considered by the United States government? An exiled royal and a failed actress wanted to hitch a ride on the President’s plane? Just how exactly did they even arrive at the idea for this?
I mean, I don’t blame Meghan for trying; she is clearly obsessed with the idea of getting into politics and let’s face it, this is the closest she’d come to sniffing the jet fuel from that aircraft as she’s never going to be President.
But I also don’t need to tell you that the White House were (understandably) like:
Yes, keen not to shit all over their relationship with the palace and new King, The White House declined Harry and Meghan’s proposal to hitch a ride on Joe and Jill’s plane and the couple were instead forced to find another mode of transport.
“Meg, we’re flying United and that’s the end of it.”
Anyway– I can’t wait to see what comes out of this trial separation and how this unfolds. Popcorn at the ready, guys!
The Wales Family at The Royal International Air Tattoo
Back to Britain, and it was a day out for the Wales family at the RAF Fairford in Gloucestershire, now that the kids have broken up from school for the summer.
As it is the world’s largest military air show featuring over 250 aircrafts, we can only imagine how excited the kids must have been to spend the day there.
“I don’t give a shit, mum— why does this look more like Birmingham than Bridgetown? I thought we were going on holiday?”
Wanting to honour their strong relationship with the RAF, owing to William’s time as a search and rescue pilot, the couple were thrilled to be able to take their three kids– Prince George, Princess Charlotte and Prince Louis– for a fun family day out.
Upon arrival at the Air Tattoo Show, the family were greeted by Air Marshal Philip Osborn, Chairman of the RAFCT– and treated to a look at a C-17 plane that was on display.
The family seemed to enjoy viewing the various planes as as they made their way around the show, with Kate visiting an area called the ‘Techno Zone’, designed to inspire young people to explore science, technology and engineering.
And back outside, it quickly became abundantly clear that 9-year-old Prince George wasn’t keen on exploring any career options either.
But it does seem a nice day out for the family and especially the children, who are usually quite captivated by planes, especially during Trooping The Colour and other such events.
Harry and Meghan are up for an award for Netflix series
I’m not really sure where to begin with this one… just who exactly is handing over a gong for that pile of crap?
Nope, apparently it is from the Hollywood Critics Association TV Awards for Best Streaming Nonfiction Series. Of the nomination, it is said that the series ‘captured the public and media’s attention across the globe’… when in reality, the public were actually sat there watching it like this:
Secondly, it’s pretty bold to call it a ‘non-fiction’ series when it was very clearly story-telling of the highest calibre. I mean, did they utter even one sentence that was true?
“Actually babes, our real names are Henry and Rachel, not Harry and Meghan.”
The Netflix series detailed how the pair had first ‘fallen in love’ and a look at their ‘budding romance’ under the watchful eye of the British media. I just wish they had gone back just a little bit further to show how Meghan had plotted to get Harry.
I can just see her meeting up with her PR team and pitching her idea to marry a high-roller, like:
But the path to stalking true love wasn’t easy and the docuseries follows how Meghan really had to put her arse into it to ensnare the Prince.
Now that is a Netflix show I would watch! Because let’s face it, the other one isn’t going to win shit.
The Wales family at Wimbledon
There was another Wales family outing in the form of the Wimbledon’s Men’s final in SW19, where the Prince and Princess of Wales attended the match with their two eldest children, Prince George and Princess Charlotte.
The family made their grand entrance ahead of the match between Novak Djokovic and Carlos Alcaraz, marking a second visit for Prince George at the tennis tournament and a first for Princess Charlotte.
“No George, you mustn’t play with the peasants– you might catch something. Straight to Centre Court, darling.”
Before taking their seats for the hotly anticipated game, the family stopped to talk to members of St. John’s Ambulance and the Royal Navy.
“Yes, but also for the free Pimms. The game, definitely… but also the Pimms.”
Once seated in Centre Court, Kate chatted happily with her children about the game ahead; an avid tennis-lover herself, she was no doubt explaining the rules of the game to her two eldest children.
“Do you remember that time mummy hit Aunty Meghan with a tennis racket over the head because she called me ‘Cathy’ instead of ‘Your Royal Highness’? Yes, well with the same sort of force.”
With the game underway and heating up, it was quite clear the family were getting stuck in to the action on Centre Court.
“–George, just get your sister to swipe the hip flask next time Mum gets up to hit on Brad Pitt again.”
It seemed little Charlotte was seriously getting into the game too, as she reacted much like her mother to many of the ups and downs of the match.
“Yeah, one sec mum, I’m just making sure the photographers snap my cool shades.“
But Carlos being down in the first set really got tensions running high and the little Princess began to feel the stress.
“Yes, later darling– not in front of the cameras; one can only imagine the headlines tomorrow.”
But in the end, it was the 20-year-old Carlos from Spain who was victorious, clipping a win over Djokovic, with both tennis players being presented with their awards by the Princess of Wales.
“Sorry Your Royal Highness, I’m married.”
“Just leave her mate honestly, I gave up years ago.”
But across the Atlantic, and likely annoyed with the press attention the Wales family were getting back in the UK, Meghan arranged a little pap walk of her own doing… fuck knows what.
Apparently dear Meggy thought this was a good time to get someone to photograph her attending a farmer’s market– because let’s face it, she doesn’t really do much else these days.
Strolling along in the Californian sunshine, clearly desperate to be noticed by anyone who may have a vague idea who she was, Meghan stopped to pick up some flowers– which kind of made it look like she wasn’t interested in anything else there and had to buy anything she clapped her beady eyes on so that she didn’t look cheap.
But another thing Meghan did was ignore the ‘no dogs’ rule, and instead took along one of her long suffering pets, a beagle — whose name I’ve no clue.
What’s interesting about Meghan is that she can take her dog to a farmer’s market where they don’t allow them, when she could’ve left him at home for a 40-minute jaunt, but couldn’t move her other dog across the Atlantic when she moved to the UK to marry Harry.
“Lady, right now you’re just a stuck up bitch who won’t play by the rules.”
Ah well. Let’s hope she had a good day at the Farmer’s Market and that this generated the press attention she so clearly craves.
Well that’s all from me for this week, guys; I accidentally deleted the whole post earlier by mistake and had a meltdown (thank god for restored versions) so I’m signing off now.
It just remains for me to wish you all a great weekend ahead and a very happy 10th birthday to Prince George of Wales for tomorrow!
Take it easy out there and see you next time!
Leave a Reply