It’s that time of the week again!
Yes, hello and welcome to another Royal Round-Up!
I am desperately trying to clear the backlog from the last couple of weeks while juggling my day job– so in showing dedication to my company, I have found it is better to do this on my Working From Home days where I can block out faux ‘admin’ sections in my Outlook calendar so they can assume I’m swamped.
Anyway, I’d grab a snack as this is going to be a long one, so without further ado, let’s take a look at some recent royal highlights…
William and George at The Ashes
Last weekend, Prince William (The Prince of Wales) treated his son and heir, Prince George, to an England vs. Australia cricket match at Lord’s Cricket Ground here in London.
In some special father-son time, the pair appeared relaxed as they sat in the stands and took in the day’s events; it is, after all, not the first time William has taken his boy to a sports event– so George is pretty well versed in attending sporting matches by now.
“Sorry mate– there was a long queue and I got distracted by a fit barmaid. There’s some chewing gum stuck under the seat if you’re feeling peckish?”
The two royals were seated next to Richard Thompson, the chairman of the England and Wales Cricket Board, alongside Stephen Fry– and Britain’s Prime Minister, Rishi Sunak.
But while he may not have received a platter of nachos, Dad Prince William saved the day by getting his eldest child a pizza to munch on during the game, much to George’s delight I’m sure.
“To be honest Dad, it tastes like Gandhi’s flip-flop; but I’m so bloody hungry on account of you chatting up some tart at the bar instead of feeding me, I’d eat the cricket ball if I had to.”
All in all, a nice day out for father and son in the sunshine, watching a bit of cricket without the distraction of the rest of the family.
“What– did Mum phone again?”
“No I meant from sitting on these chairs… but I see where you’re coming from.”
Kate opens the Young V&A
And kicking her royal solo engagements off, The Princess of Wales visited the Young V&A, where she opened the museum ahead of its official public opening on the following Saturday.
Upon arrival, Kate greeted the children within a storytelling session, where she shared with them just how much her own three children– Prince George, Princess Charlotte and Prince Louis– love to share their own stories with her, further proving just how great she is with kids.
The Princess also learnt about how parents, teachers and donors contributed to the colossal three-year transformation of the museum, with their ideas on art and architecture.
Catherine actually became the first ever royal patron of the V&A Museum, assuming the position around five years ago. Since then, she has made several visits to the museum, regularly discussing her love of photography and art with those who work there.
Kate also spoke to children at the museum to see the artwork that they had created and to learn more about what inspired the ideas behind their own creations.
But after spending the morning with the kids at the museum, it was time for the Princess to say goodbye– but not before she was attacked with hugs.
Harry wants to return to charity work
So it’s come out in the news over the last week to so that in actual fact, Harry wants to return to his royal roots and focus more on charity work going forward.
It is said that the 38-year-old Duke is ‘tired’ of the showbiz lifestyle his wife keeps trying to break her way into and really just wants to focus on the more important things in life.
Firstly, has he run this past said wife yet? Can’t imagine that one went down too well.
It’s been said that Harry wants to go back to spending more time in Africa and plans to film a documentary whilst out there— but that it is unlikely that his wife will join him on the continent— probably because she won’t get to be the star of the show.
Back last year when promoting failed podcast Archetypes, Meghan had said of her and husband Harry that they were like ‘salt and pepper– we always move together’ in relation to their life goals and “”work””, but if these claims are anything to go by, it doesn’t seem that this is the case for them anymore.
Realistically speaking, if they’re not even aligned on their projects now, I would say this is the beginning of the end for them. If Meghan doesn’t want to join Harry on his charitable ventures, they are definitely veering off in two different directions.
While Harry tries to return to his humanitarian work, Meghan is instead turning her attention to fashion, food and therapy– three things she knows fuck all about considering she can’t dress to save her life, likely has no idea what a frying pan looks like and doesn’t seem to have benefitted from any therapy she might have had in her life.
Markle is also said to be hiring a PR guru in attempts to pick up what is left of her ‘reputation’ after several failed attempts at trying to become top dog. She is reportedly paying through the nose to ensure that the person hired completely transforms her image and re-launches her as a globally adored megastar.
All I can say is that whoever she hires has their work cut out for them and will face quite a brutal sacking when Meghan quickly realises that they cannot pull a miracle out of their arse for her.
And as for Harry, if he cannot learn what type of woman his wife is by now– solely from the fact she would prefer to spend time and millions on making herself look good rather than undertaking charity work– he is a total lost cause.
Real talk, we all know what will happen now; it’ll be a barrage of stories in the press about Harry heading off to Africa and carrying out his charitable work there, while Meghan remains in California and rubs shoulders with any Z-lister that will give her five minutes of their time.
In about a years’ time, we will get the long-awaited news that they have finally separated with some long vomit-inducing statement about how they love and respect each other and wish to remain friends for the sake of the kids, but they just have very different focuses in life.
And in true Meg fashion, the second there is even a hint that things might not be so rosy for her and her husband, there has to be a little pap walk for them, where they can be seen acting oh so in love.
Walking out of an office complex, probably to promise yet another company they’ll deliver on something they’ll spectacularly fail to, Meghan laughed and joked as she held hands with her husband, seemingly trying her hardest to prove all was well.
To be honest, if Harry needed to laugh, he need look no further than Meghan’s outfit, which was one of the strangest combination of items I’ve seen recently. I can’t say I’m really sure what look she was going for?
That aside, the outing comes as it was reported that Harry and Meghan had been officially evicted from Frogmore Cottage in Windsor by none other than King Charles III himself. The eviction came just days after the release of Harry’s book ‘Spare’– so it’s not really a surprising move from The King.
It always feels that Meghan is trying a little too hard to prove that everything is great when everything is in actual fact, collapsing around them. Failed podcast and book deals, evicted from a property, reputation in the toilet… It isn’t going too well.
But before long, it was time to head back to their car and be whisked away back to their Montecito mansion– where they could presumably go back to sleeping in separate beds.
Anyway, I’ve gone off piste, but if if Harry is in fact going to focus on something more worthwhile going forward than throwing his family under the bus and licking the arses of any Hollywood icon his wife tells him to, he has my full support at least.
As for the other one…
William at the polo
So yesterday, Prince William (The Prince of Wales) took to the polo field at Outsourcing Inc.’s Royal Polo Cup in Windsor while his wife, The Princess of Wales, also rocked up to show some support for her husband.
Each year, The Prince of Wales takes part in the charity polo match for a chance to raise £1million for 11 different organisations that William and Kate support, including East Anglia Children’s Hospices (EACH), Baby Basics, Centrepoint and The Passage.
Sitting out the first two periods, known as chukkas, Prince William watched the opening of the games with wife Kate before taking to the pitch himself– as the adoring Princess looked on.
William was playing for the U.S. Polo Association and joined his team mates on the field for the third chukka onwards, playing in a defense position, while his wife enjoyed a glass of champagne at the sidelines.
But while a mixture of sun and booze usually makes the average person quite sleepy, it only seemed to bolster the energy of the 41-year-old Princess, who demonstrated sheer class and sophistication as she showed her support for her husband.
During an interval, it was time for William to have a quiet word with his exuberant spouse and her choice of words during the match…
During one such break, Prince William was also seen making a quick phone call as his wife of 12 years looked on.
“Oh my god Wills, give me the phone– I’m really not that shitfaced. I’ll be good — hang up! HANG UP!”
But before long, it was time for William to head back to the pitch and close up the last few rounds of the day before the polo cup was awarded.
“Christ, are you still here? I asked MI5 to remove you an hour ago.”
But it was victory for William and his team, as they beat the opposition to win themselves the trophy, presented by The Princess to her husband and his teammates.
“Yeah it was, but I must’ve knocked it off on my way back from the toilet, so I just had a rummage around the car and replaced it with one of the stuffed animals Louis left in there. I don’t think anyone has noticed.”
All in all, a good day out for the royals and I’m sure William was glad to have his wife’s support.
Harry, Meghan and the New York car chase
So this one is a little old now but I’ve had a couple of comments on here about the fact I never covered this off previously (also, my mum told me to write about it and you don’t argue with her) so I am actually going to break with current news for one sec and briefly revisit this.
Back in May, while attending the Women of Vision Awards in New York City, Harry and Meghan’s team have claimed that the pair were ‘followed in a high speed car chase’ by paparazzi as they left the venue.
It was reported, again by their team, that as they left the Ziegfeld Ballroom in Manhattan that night, the two were pursued by NYC paparazzi, resulting in a ‘dangerous car chase’ through midtown Manhattan.
Now… I don’t know how many of you on here have ever been to New York City, but I lived there for 2 years and logistically cannot see how a high-speed car chase can take place in what is an incredibly busy part of the city.
It also could not be clearer that Meghan was trying her hardest to look like Princess Diana– despite claiming she knew absolutely nothing about her.
It was said that the couple’s security detail had first tried to shake off photographers by taking a longer drive than usual around the city, but they eventually hit a problem when they got stuck… behind a garbage truck.
I’ll bet Meggy was over the moon about that one: not only is she having to lie about being in a high speed car chase to begin with, but now she has to embellish slightly less riveting details of the story because they just don’t quite fit the image she was going for.
It was actually a cab driver nearby who dobbed them in and basically shat all over their story by saying it didn’t appear to be a ‘chase’ at all and that all he saw was the car driving at a normal speed through the street.
In the end, a New York spokesman released a statement on the matter, confirming that the NYPD had assisted Harry and Meghan’s security detail that night, but did not refer to the episode as a ‘chase’ as such. The spokesperson, Julian Phillips, was quoted as saying the following:
“There were numerous photographers that made their transport challenging. The Duke and Duchess of Sussex arrived at their destination and there were no reported collisions, summonses, injuries, or arrests.”
Much to Meghan’s dismay, I’m sure.
Unsurprisingly, Harry and Meghan’s PR team didn’t respond to Julian’s statement or any questions that arose from it, likely out of fury that he had not confirmed that it was some sort of hot pursuit situation.
“…because that’s exactly what happened, babes.”
Honestly, could this chick be any more blatant in her attempts to look like Diana? It’s insane. Most people, when they want to be like someone, just copy their haircut or facial expressions— Meghan likes to fabricate stories that she “almost died” in the same way.
Or is she really so delusional she actually believed the car was moving at a far greater speed than it was? And that they were actually being tailed by paparazzi in a city that doesn’t appear to give a shit about them?
“Yeah, I think that might just be an Uber Eats delivery driver, Megs.”
Well she really blew that one: the story fell totally flat and didn’t quite garner the response she wanted (largely because most of us could tell it was bullshit). Meghan also knows she can’t come up with the same story again in the future now, as then we’ll all really know it was fake, so she’s a bit screwed.
Overall, I think we know the story was totally embellished because when exactly has the woman ever tried to avoid the cameras? She can usually sniff one 100 miles out— they could’ve used her in rescue efforts for the Titan submersible.
Better luck next time fabricating total crap, Meg.
Kate at Wimbledon & 75 years of the NHS
Perhaps the biggest indicator that summertime has arrived in England is when Wimbledon kicks off — and this year is no exception.
Last week, we saw The Princess of Wales take her seat in the royal box to catch the latest in the tournament— exuding extreme class and elegance, as always.
Eventually Kate, who is patron of the All England Lawn Tennis & Croquet Club, was able to take her seat, being placed next to Roger Federer and his wife Mirka.
“Are you fucking kidding me?”
Considering they’re quite good friends by now, they must’ve had a lot to chat about as they nattered away happily court side— with Mirka jumping in occasionally.
“Well Kate, I’m truly flattered, but—“
“Hmm… Queen Mirka does have a ring to it…”
But despite the rain, the future Queen seemed to really enjoy her outing to watch the tennis and left the venue in very high spirits.
Shortly thereafter, it was on to another engagement for the Prince and Princess of Wales, as they celebrated the 75th birthday of the NHS at Guys and St. Thomas Hospital in London.
The couple joined a surprise tea party for NHS staff, where they helped make a cake alongside Bake Off finalist, Alice Fevronia.
“Yes, I hear that about three times a week, William.”
The couple also helped set tables ahead of the tea party and answered the burning British question of what goes first on a scone— jam or cream.
Kate revealed that she puts jam first on hers, while William simply joked “whatever’s closest.”
The couple happily sat and chatted with NHS staff about the daily challenges they face in their field and within the NHS overall, with William and Kate both lauding the healthcare system as wonderful and thanking the staff for all they do.
“Excuse me Your Highness, but didn’t you give birth on a private ward of an NHS Hospital… three times?”
“Well I’m not giving birth out on a regular one am I— don’t know what I’ll catch. Tracey from down the road gave birth on an NHS ward at Chelsea and Westminster and came out with a baby boy and MRSA.”
But the couple really seemed to enjoy the day and spending time with the hospital staff on what was a hugely momentous occasion.
Well that’s all from me – I did warn you it was going to be a long one!
As the Wales kids apparently broke up for summer this past week, I’m not expecting to see a huge amount from William and Catherine in the coming weeks as they’ll likely go on holiday with the kids or stay home with them— but there’ll always be something to write about I’m sure!
Until next time, stay safe, stay sane and I’ll see you all again soon!
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