Hello hello everyone– a very Happy New Year to you to all and welcome to the first royal round up of 2023!
I hope you all had a wonderful festive period–I unfortunately was struck down with the flu and basically missed Christmas while I coughed and sweat my arse off in bed, but there’s always Christmas 2023, I guess.
But as always, there’s a lot to report on with the drop of the Sussex Shitshow Part 2, so let’s dive right in!
Harry and Meghan Part 2
Once again, I’m relying on the Daily Mail to tell me what’s going on because I’m allergic to actually hearing Harry and Meghan speak, but the second half appears to be wilder than the first. And by wilder I mean, “more full of shit”.
We’ll start with the moment their Netflix crew just so happened to capture Harry getting a text from William, evoking a dramatic reaction from Harry.
He waves the phone at Meghan to show her said message, where she narrates what’s going on by telling us “H just got a text from his brother!” like none of us have ever gotten a fucking WhatsApp before.
It’s not clear what was said in the text, but Harry was clearly doing his best to make it seem like he’d just been told he was being removed from the line of succession. When in reality it was probably something like:
Meghan then tries to look like the good little wife supporting her husband during a trying time when Harry raises his arms above his head and says “I just don’t know what to do.”
Meghan proceeds to tell Harry to “get some air and then you can decide”. What he’s meant to be deciding, I’m not sure. Probably trying to choose between Mexican and Indian for dinner. Either way, I didn’t even know he could think for himself anymore.
Harry then goes on to tell us about the time when he and Meghan told the royal family they were stepping down from royal duties, as though they did an awful lot of them anyway.
Harry asserts that William began to “scream and shout at him” for his decision to step down and move abroad which I’m struggling to picture slightly. Again, it’s not said what words William uttered, but I doubt it would be anything major from the future King.
Apparently William’s anger was at the half in, half out request Harry and Meghan made: which I would say was somewhat justified. I can only imagine my boss going spare if I was like:
Harry also asserts that Charles “lied” about something or other— again, not clear what, but he said:
‘It was terrifying to have my brother scream and shout at me and my father say things that just simply weren’t true. And my grandmother, you know, quietly sit there and take it all in.’Elaborate please, dear boy.
So again, he can’t quite muster the courage to actually quote anyone, probably because it was a load of shit, but he tried his hardest to make his family look like a pack of wild animals.
I’m intrigued to know what Charles lied about, but perhaps it was something to lure Harry to Sandringham to talk like actual adults.
But then Harry got there and quickly realised he’d been had.
Maybe even Meghan still does not know to this day what it was her father in law had lied about…
But it wasn’t long before they swung back to their wedding and early days of marriage, with Meghan talking about the morning of her wedding to Harry and how she prepared to walk down the aisle.
Meghan chose to spend the morning of her wedding stuffing croissants into her mouth and guzzling mimosas, while apparently singing ‘Going to the Chapel’, as she stated that this was ‘all she wanted to do’ on the morning of.
She then launched into a few sentences are about how ‘calm’ she was, and how she ‘couldn’t believe she was so calm’ given what was about to happen.
I went into this really calm space, I don’t know how I was so calm. I look back and I think, how was I so calm?”Maybe because you were half cut?
I mean, it’s not really much of a shock for most to hear that a few glasses of champers will probably reduce your panic levels. A couple more of those and she probably wouldn’t even have been aware she was getting married.
But Meghan getting plastered before her wedding aside, it was time for the couple to once again reflect on those early days of living in Nottingham Cottage and getting settled into their marital home.
Harry also took to domestic life— painting fences and doing the gardening.
They really thought they had it good: nice cosy home within palace grounds, staff at their beck and call to run errands for them… that was, at least, until Oprah showed up and gave her own opinion of the place.
But it wasn’t long before Meghan was pregnant with their first child and throwing a lavish baby shower in New York City with a bunch of
hangers on friends who made sure they were there for the big occasion.
There was even a pointless flower-arranging session where guests got to arrange their own floral bouquets, which were apparently later donated to hospices— the only nice gesture that’s ever come from Meghan and even then I’m betting it wasn’t her idea.
But amidst all this, Meghan was reportedly suffering in silence. Suicidal, unable to leave the house (apart from a New York round trip) and barely able to get out of bed in the morning— things were super tough for the Duchess.
Real talk though, this is not even the full bill— it’s simply all my phone could screenshot at one time. There were at least another 10 items. This is hardly a woman who was struggling with her mental health.
And after partying her way through NYC and drinking all the tea the city had to offer, she returned to the U.K. to continue to sit on her backside and use her pregnancy as an excuse.
And then before long, their son Archie arrived and Meghan couldn’t hide her anguish anymore: she told her husband they needed to leave—and fast.
It’s at this point in his interview that Harry tells everyone that the royal family were “jealous” of Meghan’s popularity and the fact that she was “doing such a good job”.
Doing a good job of what— ploughing through our tax money faster than Pete Doherty could get through a mountain of cocaine?
As for jealous — please. I doubt the late Queen Elizabeth was sat at home worrying, like:
Honestly — what did she do while she was here? I cannot think of a single thing. She spent about a year in the U.K. moaning, wore a lot of expensive ugly clothes, spent yet more money on house renovations, fought constantly with the press and her family and then… left.
I also doubt the poised and elegant Princess of Wales harboured even a shred of jealousy toward Megamouth Markle, who can’t dress to save her life, didn’t have a clue about royal protocol and could win an Olympic gold medal in whining.
But the claims got even wilder from the Deluded Duo when– get this– Meghan actually claimed that staff onboard the flight to Canada thanked her for her service to the UK.
Seriously, what in the fresh wet dream was this? On what planet has anyone ever considered her one year in the UK ‘service’? I’ve seen gap years last longer.
And after a brief stint in Canada, which we all know was only to appease the royal family in the initial stages by pretending they had every intention of living in a Commonwealth country, the pair hopped on a plane and fucked off to the USA.
In the quiet city of Los Angeles, the pair could finally have the privacy and anonymity they had so badly craved while in the UK.
But away from the horrible UK and British media, the pair then got to grips with the spiteful US media instead, with Harry insisting he had to ‘build a fence’ to keep the paparazzi lenses out, but that they still managed to see through and get photos.
But with crappy DIY aside, the family really began to settle in California and they turned their attention to their next goal: ruining the royal family and making money off it as a means to “survive”.
Simply not content with moving across the pond to start a new life, they had to keep bringing up their old one in a bid to stay relevant— because nothing says ‘thriving’ like two former royals repeatedly bringing up their family and old life.
And in keeping with the theme of family-bashing, there was a clip that brought things back to William and the palace machine, with the Sussexes seemingly annoyed about something (what’s bloody new).
In the clip, it appears the pair are discussing Jason Knauff and his role in the royal household, where they are clearly lamenting his work representing William and clearly pissed off he hasn’t defended their lies.
Meghan turns around to Harry and says:
I know, it’s your brother, I’m not going to say anything about your brother, but it’s so obvious…”Eh?
What William is meant to have done this time, I don’t know– even he must be confused waking up to this crap every day, wondering what fresh hell awaits him.
In any case, I do find it funny that Meghan says she isn’t going to blame William for something, but then proceeds to?
“Now I’m not saying it was your brother buuuuut…”
I’m going out on a limb here and assuming that they’re accusing William of some sort of smear campaign, as previously reported— something I highly doubt he has time for.
Do they really think the future monarch of Britain lazes around his palace all day, thinking up ways to trash his brother and sister-in-law?
But Harry wasn’t done yet: he also went on to say that the royal households ‘competing with each other’ was the reason he ‘now lives in another country.’
Is he serious? He left the country because there’s a competitive streak between the two royal households?
There’s competition between a lot of teams at work. Can you imagine if I left the UK because I thought my HR team and the Marketing team were clashing on occasion?
Honestly, is this the same rugby-playing army bloke we used to know? He has turned into such a pansy and couldn’t make it more obvious how jealous he is of his older brother.
The situation is also exacerbated by some random woman standing in their kitchen, throwing in lines like:
And then Meghan, equally articulate, responds with:
I don’t know how many of you have seen the clip, but while Harry is speaking, it is abundantly clear he is constantly trying to please Meghan with what he says and searching her face for a glimmer of approval– and then trips over his words when she doesn’t say anything in response and just stares at him blankly.
But Part 2 gets worse when Meghan’s mum Doria decides to chime in with her own two cents, reflecting on the time Meghan was ‘suicidal’ in London and how she… well… stood back and did nothing.
Doria goes on to talk about how difficult things were for poor Meggy in her palace, telling the cameras:
I remember her telling me that… that she had wanted to take her own life. And that really broke my heart, because I knew that it was bad. But to just constantly be picked at by these vultures, just picking away at her spirit, that she would actually think of not wanting to be here… That’s not an easy one for a mum to hear. And I can’t protect her, H can’t protect her.huh?
I’ve never understood why all the people closest to Meghan have absolved themselves of any responsibility when it comes to her welfare, yet they and Sussex fans time and time again expect Prince William and the palace to put out statements protecting Meg? Why should they take a stand when her own mother and husband won’t?
Doria sat there like:
Really, these two are super close to the project, yet it’s always someone else’s responsibility to take care of a spoilt 40-year-old woman? The three of them are fucking weird.
But ever keen to press on with ‘The Meghan Show’, it was Harry’s turn to blame everyone else but themselves and started attributing Meghan’s miscarriage in 2020 to the ‘stress of dealing with the Daily Mail case’.
Mate, give us a break. I think most of us are sick and tired of hearing about this bloody letter she wrote to her father, which was clearly for public consumption, and then claimed that her ‘privacy had been invaded’. The whole thing was written in contrived calligraphy– who the fuck writes to their dad like that?
I mean– don’t you guys write to your parents via pigeon mail rather than Facetiming them? I know I certainly do.
Now I understand miscarriages are a very sensitive subject and I won’t spend too much time chiming in on something I have no firsthand experience with, but I thought it was already confirmed some years ago by medical professionals that stress does not bring on a miscarriage?
Of course, I am not in the least bit surprised that Harry has chosen to ignore this fact and as usual, is looking for someone else to blame when something goes wrong.
Dude– women lose babies every day. It’s just a fact of life. And while I’m sure it’s disappointing and sad for you, you cannot paint yourselves as the victims every time. If stress really brought about a miscarriage, no one would ever carry a baby to term– you know, given the fact the general public have actual stresses and not just Jerry Springer-style drama with their families.
But all the depressing stuff aside, and the couple look ahead to better times, such as when they flew to the UK with their two kids in the hopes of upstaging the late Queen’s platinum jubilee celebrations.
The pair take us inside Lili’s 1st birthday party at Frogmore, as though any of us are meant to give a shit about a baby’s birthday, and ‘treat’ us to some ‘behind the scenes’ photos.
Meghan goes on to talk about the arrival of her second child, as though no one else has ever had a baby before, saying:
There was something that just felt so complete, once we had Lilibet.Yeah, your future child support amount doubled.
She tells us how ‘everyone really respected everything they had been through and they had the right to welcome their child into the world peacefully, just like any other parent’, adding that it was ‘hugely important to have this time to nurture and cocoon their family’– which I can totally get.
Also–what does she mean ‘everything they had been through’? Like what? Living a life of luxury and then throwing it back in everyone’s faces? Or having to use their titles to cash in? Trying to decide which shade of beige they should paint the 11th bathroom of their Montecito mansion? Give me a break.
The pair also apparently believe they are treating us to something unique by posting a million photos of Lili taken on their phones– as though no other parent has ever photographed their child.
These are a slew of snaps that show off their then-newborn daughter in the early days of her life… Meghan holding her in a sling:
Harry pushing her around the grounds of their home in a buggy:
Lili crawling around on the grass:
Harry… suffocating Lili?
I’m assuming this was a feeble attempt at making themselves look ‘normal’, as though they usually know what wing of the house the kids are in, let alone spending all live long day frolicking about outside with them amongst the birds and trees.
I think we know they spend a majority of their time thinking up new and exciting ways to behave like arseholes, so they can cut the shit, quite frankly.
But back to Lili’s 1st birthday and no celebration would be complete without the cameras present.
Here, we see Harry and Meghan trot the kids and a cake out in their back garden at Frogmore Cottage, encouraging Lili to blow her candles out.
Big brother Archie even got a look in at one point when Mum and Dad remembered they had another kid too and clambered atop the cake table, probably giving his mother a coronary.
But after all the heartwarming ‘family’ crap, Harry and Meghan were quick to whip out the knives again and went straight for the jugular, now demanding an apology from the Royal Family for.. well.. something or other.
I’m sorry, an apology for what? Giving you everything on a silver platter and still not having it be enough? The BRF don’t owe them shit. If I were Charles, I’d be like:
Harry and Meghan apparently go on to say that they wanted to ‘sit down with the royal family and discuss the issues they detailed within their Netflix programme’.
Excuse the fuck out of me, but I think the royal family have extended enough olive branches to obscure Greece from view– what else exactly would like they like them to do?
On top of that, they could have just asked the BRF to sit down in the first instance, rather than going to a streaming giant to drag everyone globally (yet again), but that would be too easy, right?
But as usual, the palace were having absolutely none of the Sussex Shit, and delivered a one-liner so perfect, I could stand up and applaud. In response to Harry and Meghan’s claims that they wanted to sit down with the family, a palace courtier responded with:
Goes without saying, I’m with the palace on this one (and quite frankly, always). They’ve had ample opportunity to sit down with the family and air their grievances, but instead they’ve chosen to take the extremely aggressive route as per usual, while claiming they were left with no choice.
King Charles, even if they phone and let you know they’re dropping by for a cuppa and a chat, lock the palace gates and hide– they’ll probably be wearing wires for another deal they’ve signed with Amazon Prime or some shit. Wouldn’t trust these two as far as I could throw them.
Together at Christmas service
A palate cleanser!
So after its success last year, The Princess of Wales hosted another ‘Together at Christmas’ carol service, whereby this year’s was dedicated to the memory of Her Majesty The Queen.
Many familiar faces were in attendance, including Catherine’s parents and siblings, and of course, husband Prince William and two eldest children, Prince George and Princess Charlotte.
The service was broadcast to the general public on Christmas Eve and contained songs, performances and readings in keeping with the Christmas theme.
The service focused on the values that Her Late Majesty held so dear, such as duty, empathy, faith, service, kindness, compassion and support for others– basically nothing Harry and Meghan could ever understand.
In 2021, Kate had surprised the crowds by playing the piano during the service– a skill many did not know she had. She didn’t do the same for the 2022 service, which was a slight shame, but it was still impressive that the led the event in a solo venture for the second year running.
However, the Prince of Wales gave a reading during the service– perhaps to show some additional support to his wife for all that she organised.
All in all, it was a lovely service and I do hope Kate continues with this annually. Even the kids seemed to have enjoyed it!
Christmas at Sandringham
Well it wouldn’t be a royal Christmas without the annual Sandringham church walk! True to form, the royals headed out in Norfolk to greet the crowns on their way to Church and wish everyone a Merry Christmas, led by His Majesty The King and Her Majesty The Queen Consort.
During the walk, the Princess of Wales was stopped by the adoring crowds and asked about how her Christmas was going so far, to which she responded that the kids had had her up very early to open their presents.
The Prince of Wales was also quizzed about the type of Christmas his kids were having and whether or not they got any nice presents, to which William responded that they ‘got too many presents’, with a wry smile.
And of course it was a big moment for Prince Louis of Wales, who made his Sandringham walk debut at the age of four and a half alongside his parents and older siblings– and the young royal seemed to seriously enjoy walking around and greeting members of the public.
As usual, the crowds were keen to gift the younger royals with some Christmas Day pressies, to which I’m sure they were incredibly grateful.
It even seems that the adults were thrilled by the gifts they received from their loyal subjects.
All in all, a nice opportunity for the royals to greet the crowds and express their gratitude for all of the support in the last year.
Harry’s ‘Spare’ interview
Alas, it’s back to Thing 1 and Thing 2 and their shenanigans across the pond.
This week, it’s Harry promoting his ‘book’ in the form of an interview with Anderson Cooper, who I honestly did not believe would stoop this low, but here we are.
In the interview, Harry discusses his upcoming ‘memoir’ entitled ‘Spare’, in which he apparently re-hashes more old shit we don’t care about, such as his childhood, his mum (whom he can never wait to mention for a bit of sympathy) and his rather boring life over the last 38 years.
Harry tells Cooper that he ‘has tried to speak with his family privately’, making out that he and his wife have only taken such a public route because the family have apparently leaked everything Harry has said. He tells Anderson:
He cannot be serious? Have him and Meghan actually held up a mirror to their own behaviour, because it seems to me that they’re totally oblivious to how they conduct themselves.
When they say things like ‘planted’ and ‘leaked’ stories, I think what they actually mean is that they were pulled up on their shit and they don’t like it.
Harry also goes on to take further aim at the family, implying that the mantras they hold so dear are apparently nothing more than bullshit and just a façade for the public. He says:
Oh aye, is that right Harry? And just how many of your utterings have you stuck to in recent times?
Let me draw your attention to the complete crap they put out themselves regarding their departure from the BRF and we’ll see how much of this still rings true 3 years on.
And I suppose they removed this ‘public interest’ by giving interviews to anyone who would listen, writing books and winning ‘awards’ at glitzy ceremonies for calling Harry’s family a load of racists?
Pray tell, what charitable interests would these be? The Bank of Harry and Meghan? I don’t know about you guys, but I’ve not seen them carry out a single piece of charitable work in the last 3 years– I’ve only seen them do things for their own personal gain.
And then there’s this gem…
The only support they offered the Queen, as I recall, was them trying their hardest to kill her off when she was already in poor health. I don’t recall them representing or supporting her at all.
And while there are so many more, I’ll leave you with this last one..
I’m fairly certain they started Archewell, their own foundation, and haven’t given even 2p to anyone with the money they have made from this. The only people they have had an ‘effect’ on, negatively, would be the Royal Family.
So Harry, I probably wouldn’t accuse others of failing to uphold the values they apparently preach when yourself and your wife have catastrophically failed to abide by anything you promised either.
Harry also then goes on to moan about how the Royal Family would fabricate entire segments of correspondence, but “could not manage to put out statements defending him and Meghan.”
Again– why are you both incapable of defending yourselves at the age of 40? Why does someone else always have to come to your aid when you’ve both proven you’re more than capable of opening your mouths and talking shit? I’m still not understanding why it’s everyone’s responsibility other than theirs to protect poor little Harry and Meghan.
In any case, Harry’s stupid book is out in about a week, so we can wait and see what fresh crap he churns out this time. Either way, I think we can safely say that they can wave goodbye to their titles come January 10th, let alone getting any for their kids.
It is also now being said that Meghan will also be writing a ‘tell all memoir’ too in due course (yipee) but more on that next time as I feel like my braincells have fried simply trying to cover the second part of the Netflix debacle.
Until the next post– stay safe, stay well and all the best for 2023!