CrownsOfBritain

Well hello everyone! As promised…

Firstly, again, I’m sorry for the super long hiatus; Now four months into the year, I hope 2024 is treating you all well and that you’re all happy, healthy (and sane!)

So a lot has happened in royal world in the last six or so months since I last blogged; some good, some extraordinarily shit. I don’t want to cover super old ground, but with enough having happened this year already, let’s get stuck in with some of the biggest news of 2024.

Kate and Charles both have cancer

Perhaps the most rubbish news to come out of the royal family, in a double blow earlier this year, we were told both Charles and Kate were being treated for medical issues in hospital.

At first, it was the news about Charles that broke, letting us know that he had… an enlarged prostate.

At first, it was announced that this was not due to cancer and that The King would undergo treatment for this at the London Clinic without any fuss or drama.

Hot on the heels of this news, the palace then released a statement letting us know that The Princess of Wales had, the day prior, been admitted to the London Clinic for her own health woes.

Royal communications announced this as being ‘planned abdominal surgery’, whereby Catherine was expected to remain in hospital for 10-14 days following the op, sparking some concern and mild alarm amongst royal fans…

Let’s be real, 10-14 days is a long time to recover post-op in hospital unless it was seriously major surgery. I mean, women are in for less time having had a hysterectomy or c-section, so we knew whatever Catherine had gone through was severe– especially since they then announced that the 42-year-old royal would be ‘unlikely’ to return to royal duties until after Easter.

Of course, this then sent the rumour mill into overdrive. What exactly had happened to our fit and healthy Kate? Some ideas included… a Brazilian butt lift:

Another was that she had gotten a fringe/bangs cut and they looked so terrible she had decided to hide away at Adelaide Cottage until they had grown out.

Another more gruesome one, reported by a Spanish media outlet (although God knows how they would have a better idea as to what was going on with a British Princess than we would) stated that Kate was critically ill in a coma following her surgery.

While speculation went on about this, separately the news had broken from Buckingham Palace that King Charles had been diagnosed with cancer following further tests at the London Clinic.

While it was not disclosed which type of cancer The King is battling (and let’s face it, does it really matter– cancer is always serious), it was said that the 75-year-old monarch had started treatment immediately, but would continue to carry out as many engagements as possible. I’m sure I speak for us all when I say that we wish him well in his ongoing treatment and recovery.

But going back to Kate speculation, there was deep concern that the Princess had not been seen since Christmas Day and now into early March, people were wondering just what had happened.

Firstly, I wasn’t all that surprised we hadn’t seen her; it appears the supremely thick members of the public missed the part where the palace said she would not return until after Easter. Yet people were questioning where she was from late January… two months before Easter.

But then, in a bid to get people to fuck off and leave her alone, the palace released a photograph for Mother’s Day of Kate and her three children, Prince George, Princess Charlotte and Prince Louis, to show that all was well.

Immediately, there was a lot of uproar about how the picture had been ‘photoshopped’, with people picking apart small details like Charlotte’s cardigan sleeve and something to do with the zipper on Kate’s jacket.

Now I know I don’t have 20/20 vision, but I failed to see just what the fuck everyone was moaning about. I had to search reaaaaally hard (practically having to invest in a monocle) to see what the ‘photoshopped’ areas were.

To be honest with you, did anyone really give a shit? I mean, whatever alleged editing was done, I doubt it was for any sinister reasons, yet people were making out that Kate had died and the palace was using AI to create fake pictures with the impression she was still alive.

Seriously, do people think the palace have nothing better to do? In any case, they wouldn’t need to use AI for that — they could just, I don’t know, simply post a photo of Kate and the kids from last year that we hadn’t seen yet? Would probably be less work.

Anyway, Kate (the poor cow) was forced to post an ‘apology’ the next day, stating that like any amateur photographer, she sometimes played around with editing and was sorry for any confusion it had caused.

Of course, global jokes ensued and I still failed to see the big deal. It was a picture with some slight editing– hardly an issue. But people still relentlessly bullied Catherine over the image and demanded to know where she was and ‘what the palace was hiding’.

And then, on the evening of Friday 22nd March, the world finally got its answer in a video released by Kensington Palace. In the video, The Princess of Wales, dressed casually in a jumper and jeans and sat on a bench, told viewers just what had been happening since January.

Kate told the public of her surgery, and how even though at the time tests showed her condition to be non-cancerous, subsequent tests after the operation showed that cancer had in fact been present.

In order to ensure she was given the best chance possible of a full recovery, The Princess of Wales went on to tell us that she was currently undergoing a course of preventative chemotherapy and that she and her family would appreciate some privacy now, while she completed her treatment.

Of course, speculation and criticism quickly turned to sympathy– and there was an outpouring of apologies from the public and various celebrities, such as Blake Lively, who had made fun of the photoshop scandal but now realised they were taking the piss out of a seriously ill woman.

Kate, however, reassured the public that she was well, having said the same to her three children to stop them from worrying about her and that she looked forward to returning to royal duties when she was able to.

But of course, Twat 1 and Twat 2 chose this opportunity to pipe up and make their ‘well-wishes’ in such a public manner. The pair of prats issued a lengthy and heartwarming statement, saying:

We wish health and healing for Kate and the family, and hope they are able to do so privately and in peace.

Harry and Meghan. I can only wonder just how much thought went into that.

Seriously, I think a text would’ve sufficed here.

When it came to speaking out, some people said that Harry and Meghan are ‘damned if they do, damned if they don’t’, but I wholeheartedly disagree and think I speak for the majority of us when I say that we would rather they kept their mouths shut altogether.

This isn’t about you, it never will be and now along with the people who were harassing Kate the last couple of months, please bugger off and leave her to get better in peace.

But to add to the invasion of privacy issues, it then came out in the news that there had been a security breach at the London Clinic, whereby some members of staff had apparently tried to access Catherine’s medical records.

Following this news, it appears that along with an apology from the Head of the Clinic, three members of staff have subsequently been suspended while being investigated for the breach. However, despite The King’s medical records also being held there, the media were quick to confirm that no one had bothered trying to access Charles’s information.

On that note, that’s all there is to say for now. I know we’re all hoping for a speedy and strong recovery for Catherine and I’m sure she will be back in no time.

Meghan Markle to sell bird feed and pet treats

So a few days ago it came out that Meghan had apparently applied to sell products such as bird seed, gardening shears and napkin rings with her new ‘lifestyle’ brand, American Riviera Orchard.

Apparently in some documents filed to the US Patent and Trademark Office, other such items on Meghan’s list included ketchup, flower pots, bath soaps and incense burners, amongst other household items.

Honestly, it seems like she just dug through the garage to find any old shit she could flog and call it a ‘brand’.

Now I don’t know about the rest of you, but I sure as shit would not have given up being a Duchess, living in a palace and swanning about in designer dresses all day cutting ribbons to start selling sweaty old yoga mats online.

I mean really, is this what she went back to the US for? To sell dog treats?

Also.. it gets worse. That American Riviera Instagram apparently posted some bullshit video of Meghan dancing about in a kitchen, pretending to cook and arrange flowers like some sort of 1950s housewife.

I am going to hazard a guess here that this was another Meghan attempt at appearing ‘relatable’ and ‘down to earth’ as she cooks some quinoa and quail’s eggs on her state of the art AGA cooker in one of her six kitchens within her $15million Montecito mansion.

Aaaand it gets even worse.

Further to this, apparently some nutjob at Netflix has given Markle a tv show based on her cookery skills, which probably extend no further than smearing some avocado on toast.

Seriously, after how badly Harry & Meghan was received on Netflix, are they really giving her a second chance with this tripe? And more interestingly, it doesn’t appear that her husband Harry is involved in this project– although I suspect his cooking skills do not even extend to toast.

In any case, I hope this Netflix guff is a load of crap. They’d be really stupid to let those two back in again after how badly the last documentary tanked and I suspect this will just be another venture whereby Meghan preaches about something she knows bugger all about.

No thanks, Meghan. If I’m going to be on Netflix, I’ll stick to Love Is Blind.

Harry ‘gives up’ as Meghan embarks on a new journey

Yes, further to the above, it does seem that Harry is drifting off in a slightly different direction to dear old Megsy in terms of their goals and aspirations.

Royal author Tom Quinn told a news publication that “beyond writing another book, Harry is very unlikely to come up with his own commercial project.”

This doesn’t really come as a shock; Meghan is driven by money and fame, having not had much of both for most of her life, whereas Harry was born into both in abundance and doesn’t really give a shit.

Apparently there is another book on the horizon (I’m really not sure how much more Harry has to say after less than 40 years on this planet) but owing to Kate’s cancer bombshell, they will ‘tone down’ any commentary regarding the royal rift between themselves and the Prince and Princess of Wales.

How about– you just stop talking altogether? Seriously, I cannot imagine how much else there is to say.

So you guys don’t get along? Not the first family to have that issue!

Your big brother doesn’t like your annoying, unsuitable wife who married in? Happens every day!

Although I guess if these two aren’t throwing their family under the bus, there is a little all else to do or make money off. Let’s face it, nobody cares about Harry and Meghan without their ties to the royals– without that, they are just another two people living in Cali who don’t get along with their relatives.

I wouldn’t be surprised if Harry tired of this whole charade a very long time ago. Honestly, the dude was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and has had someone to tie his shoes for him since birth– he is hardly cut out for grafting and making his own money.

I cannot be the only one who is surprised this marriage is still going nearly 6 years later? I really thought they’d be over at least two years ago, with Meghan already having given her Princess Diana/Martin Bashir-esque interview– but I guess being the current wife of a Prince is better than being the ex.

Anyway, I wish them all the best in their endeavours.

William and Kate invited the Sussexes to the UK

So apparently in a bid to ease tensions between the two families, William and Catherine extended an olive branch to Harry and Meghan sometime earlier this year and asked them visit the UK and to bring the kids over too.

The last time Harry and Meghan brought their two sprogs to the UK was in June 2022 for The Queen’s jubilee, but when The Queen died in September 2022, the pair refused to bring them to the UK, as they did not have ‘adequate protection’.

Apparently despite the best intentions and efforts of The Prince and Princess of Wales, Harry and Meghan politely declined the invite to visit or in fact bring the children with them.

I have to be honest, I’m not sure William and Kate actually did this. They’ve had more than their fair share of drama this year– I highly doubt they’d want to add to it by prioritising inviting Harry and Meghan to stay.

According to a royal reporter, Meghan is ‘not keen’ on the idea of bringing whatever-their-names-are to England, with the reporter adding:

There is no way Meghan would bring the children to the UK. William and Kate have suggested that Meghan and Harry bring the children and that the two couples and their families try to make up, but the suggestion is not leading anywhere so far.

Well that’s fucking handy then isn’t it, because we don’t want them here either.

I think the refusal might be more because Harry is worried about William knocking ten bells out of him again for all the shit he has continued to spew in his ‘memoir’. If I were him, I’d stay away too.

I really think it will be a long time before we see Harry and Meghan in the UK again, so us Brit folk can breathe a sigh of relief. If they never set foot over here ever again, that would be absolutely fine with me.

The King’s Easter Message and Easter Sunday Service

With this past weekend of course being Easter, King Charles released a pre-recorded Easter speech to the public last Thursday (known as Maundy Thursday), as he was not physically in attendance himself.

Broadcast at Worcester Cathedral, his wife Queen Camilla stepped in to take on the King’s usual duties handing out money to local people who are honoured for their community contributions.

In his speech, King Charles said that we all “need and benefit greatly from those who extend the hand of friendship to us, especially in a time of need.”

It is understood that The King missed the Maundy Thursday gathering due to the fact he is likely immunosuppressed at the moment having chemotherapy and wished to stay away from large gatherings to minimise an infection risk.

However, it seemed Camilla was more than happy to be there.

Greeting the crowds outside the cathedral, Camilla told well-wishers that her husband and daughter-in-law, The Princess of Wales, were doing well and that Catherine in particular was ‘thrilled and touched’ by people’s supportive and loving messages.

It was nice to see Camilla interacting with members of the public in such a warm manner as the Easter weekend approached.

But come Sunday, it was the annual Easter Church Service at St. George’s Chapel in Windsor Castle, and this time, The King was present.

The King appeared to be in good spirits despite reportedly being somewhat frustrated by his cancer treatment and progress. He happily greeted the crowds and Archbishop of Canterbury, seemingly putting his health woes to one side for the day.

Notably absent however were the Prince and Princess of Wales and their three children, something that was mentioned a couple of weeks ago when Kate made her shock cancer announcement.

Despite living in Adelaide Cottage just off the Windsor Castle estate, William and Catherine decided to forego attending this year and remained at home instead.

During the Easter sermon, The Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby, made sure to mention Charles and Kate in light of their medical news they’ve had to share, praising them both for how they have handled the situation, saying:

In each of our lives, there are moments which change us for ever – sometimes it is individual. We have watched and sympathised with, and felt alongside, the dignity of the King and the Princess of Wales as they have talked of their cancer, and in doing so, by their lack of selfishness, by their grace and their faith, boosted so many others.

All jokes aside though, it was really lovely for the Archbishop to acknowledge them both and I’m sure we can all agree that they have both been very brave with being so public with their health struggles.

Well that’s all for now! I hope things do pick up this week in some way or another as Kate is obviously away, Charles is mostly out of the picture and Harry and Meghan are suspiciously quiet…

Until next weekend, have a great week ahead, stay safe and I will see you all soon!