Hello everyone and welcome to another Royal Round-Up! I hope you’ve all had a good weekend!
Well there’s been a few items floating around in the press to cover off and I really didn’t know where to begin, so I decided I’ll start with the one I missed off last time….
Harry’s Interview with Stephen Colbert
So as promised, I am going back a little in time and covering off Harry’s painfully embarrassing interview with Stephen Colbert earlier this month.
I know the Royal Family, like any other, has likely been dysfunctional since the dawn of time and probably aired their own grievances with one another, but I guess they just didn’t have the technology and platform to do it so publicly before. I’m trying to imagine how that would have gone centuries ago…
“Anne, give it a rest– that was bloody ages ago, get over it now.”
“Aye you can shut up and all, Henry– don’t think I don’t know you were banging that trollop from Number 9 behind my back when I was in labour with little Lizzie. Don’t make me put this on Insta.”
But not one to miss an opportunity to take aim at his family, Harry sat down with Stephen in New York to drag them some more, all while downing some tequila and laughing his head off.
But there to promote his “book”, Harry talked about some of the ‘pain’ he had experienced throughout his life, including his brother, The Prince of Wales, allegedly ignoring him when they were both students at Eton.
Stephen went on to joke:
That’s heartbreaking. To be rejected by his older brother at school even though that magic hat sorted them into the same house. What do you think? Hufflepuff? Gryffindor?
Oh do grow some balls, Henry; does he think his relationship with William is unique? Show me a pair of siblings where the older one hasn’t avoided the younger one at school at some point so they don’t look stupid in front of their mates?
My little brother is a lot younger than me and I used to physically throw myself against my bedroom door and hold it closed when I was a teenager and had mates over so that he couldn’t come in and just sit there, doing nothing and not actually bothering me.
If he honestly thinks this is a source of ‘pain and trauma’, it doesn’t surprise me that he’s such a pansy.
Stephen also joked that the book was available in ‘hardback, audiobook and commemorative royal plate’, as though Harry’s little book of stories are even worth the scraps of paper they’re printed on, let alone a whole fucking plate.
But if this wasn’t bad enough, some anecdotes from the book are touched on; there is one where Meghan allegedly bought an ornament with The Queen’s face on it from some kind of shop near their home in California– which Harry promptly stuck on the Christmas tree for some reason, rather than querying why his wife was mocking his grandmother.
The story after this is that Archie was running about, knocked the tree stand and send the ornament flying, causing it to smash into smithereens on the ground– something that Mummy Meghan probably orchestrated as she was probably hoping Harry would simply laugh at the bauble and toss it to one side rather than putting at the front of the tree.
But try as she may, Meghan just couldn’t get Harry to part with the bauble that held his darling grandmother’s face on it… so she had to resort to more drastic measures.
But so touched by his rambunctious son trashing the living room was he, that Harry consulted a medium to find out just what his mum was thinking watching all of this from Heaven– because apparently she has nothing better to do up there.
Apparently the “”psychic”” ‘already knew’ about the bauble-breaking incident because ‘she had been talking to Harry’s late mother from beyond the grave for some time’.
Yeah, I’m sure out of all of the people the former Princess of Wales would sit down and chat to from the afterlife, it’s some old hippie from Santa Monica who smells like weed and looks like a foot with hair.
There were a series of random questions also posed to Harry, with these questions for Colbert’s guests usually including things like what their favourite sandwich is (who gives a shit) and what app they use most on their phone; Harry’s is likely to be something related to meditation or an app Meghan has created that he listens to while sleeping so she can brainwash him.
Stephen also asked Harry if he watches The Crown on Netflix, to which Harry confirmed he had ‘seen’ the show. He was also asked if he ‘fact-checked’ the show, to which he confirmed he did.
Now I don’t know about you, but given Harry and Meghan’s track record, I wouldn’t trust either one of them to ‘fact check’ anything. It would be like asking Stevie Wonder to describe the colours in a painting to you.
Harry also told Stephen that owing to the above, it was important that ‘history got it right this time’– while he pointed to his memoir like it was The Bible.
Thanks Harry, but when it comes to historical facts, I think I’ll find myself another book. Judging by your previous interviews, you have a hard time keeping your story straight, so I expect Spare isn’t too different.
“Do I? I honestly can’t remember Steve– I didn’t even write the bloody thing. If it references getting shitfaced or shagging supermodels though, that was definitely me. Not sure about the rest.”
He goes on to tell Colbert, of the British media:
This is the other side of the story, after 38 years. They told their side of the story. This is the other side of the story. There’s a lot in here that perhaps makes people feel uncomfortable and scared.
Que?
Uncomfortable hearing about your purple penis and shagging some chick in a field behind a pub when you were 17? Yeah, a little.
Scared? I’m not sure about that one. My only fear is that you’re going to bring up your Crown Jewels some time again in the near future and we’ll all be forced to listen.
Anyway, the interview was a load of crap and it was quite clear Stephen was making fun of him for most of it, but Harry was too dim to notice. I await the next late-night interview with eager anticipation.
William and Kate prepare Charlotte for her future role
Off the back of Harry whining that he has had a privileged upbringing with all the perks of being a royal and none of the burdens of being a future monarch like his brother, an article or two were put out regarding Princess Charlotte’s future role and purpose within the monarchy.
Being her own ‘spare’ to Prince George’s ‘heir’, it will of course come with some trials and tribulations– but nothing that parents William and Catherine cannot help her navigate, according to the Daily Mail.
Within their article, it is noted that the royal parents ‘have it all figured out’ when it comes to how Charlotte will support her big brother– likely a snap back at Harry for his previous comments.
This was likely (largely) due to Harry’s previous comments about his niece Charlotte and how she will be relegated to being a ‘background player’ when brother George becomes King.
He had ‘expressed concern’ that she wouldn’t be at the ‘forefront of everything’ once she becomes an adult– clearly assuming that everyone is as much of an attention-seeker as he is.
It is said that The Prince and Princess of Wales are putting every effort into giving their children the most normal upbringing possible, in a bid to level them as they grow up and ensure they have a proper understanding of regular life.
All jokes aside, I’m sure Charlotte will be fine; she is unlikely to be as insecure as her near-40-year-old uncle who has a stick up his arse because he’s not going to sit on the throne one day.
So concerned is Harry about his niece and nephews that he never fucking bothers to see, that he felt the need to bring them up in an interview, along with discussing how he had broached the subject with his elder brother previously. He said:
Though William and I have talked about it once or twice, and he has made it very clear to me that his kids are not my responsibility, I still feel a responsibility.
Out of those three children, at least one will end up like me, the spare. And that hurts, that worries me.
Mate, he’s told you to mind your own business, so please feel free to do just that.
What ‘responsibility’ does Harry feel he has for three children he turned his back on and only mentions when he can use them as a springboard for his own personal and selfish gain? I’d be fuming if I was William.
“Harry, by the time George is King, you’ll be lucky to even be cleaning the palace bogs, let alone advising the monarch.”
Honestly, I still don’t get what Harry’s issue was with his life? That one goes for Meghan too. They had probably the best position in the monarchy where they had the perks, the limelight– but none of the trappings of being Monarch and Consort one day. I’d have been having the time of my bloody life!
During the day I’d be all like:
But at night I’d be back in the palace, kicking my £400 heels off like:
Harry dear, as William has said, do mind your own business and stop pretending you genuinely give a shit. I’d leave this one to their actual parents to worry about.
The Princess of Wales’s engagements
Well, she’s been a busy girl over the last couple of weeks and I can barely keep up, so I will try and break down her engagements as best I can.
Firstly, Kate held a meeting at Windsor Castle for the Early Years Advisory Group at the end of January.
The Princess, 41, held the meeting to talk to the newly-appointed Early Years experts she has chosen, in order to aid her with her research as the project continues its successful journey.
The advisors brought onboard have already made sizeable contributions to the project, supporting the Princess and the centre and in their work, and providing Catherine with some essential tools along the way.
“Which part, Your Royal Highness?”
“The last half an hour maybe…?”
But the following day, it was on to another engagement– this time with husband Prince William as the pair visited Windsor Foodshare near their home in Berkshire– a food bank providing essential supplies for those in need.
The royal couple came to hear more about the centre’s work helping those who are struggling financially in the current climate and unable to put food on the table for their families due to the Cost of Living crisis in the UK.
The pair helped out pulling food parcels together for the locals and chatting with staff as they did so.
But it seems like two of them really got stuck in to the day and had a good time helping out the staff at the centre.
“Good idea babes– you did say you were doing steak and mash tonight. Saves us stopping off at Tesco on the way home.”
“…No darling, they’re for the food packages, not our supper.”
Following their visit, the centre gushed about how ‘hands on’ the Prince and Princess were and how ‘keen’ they were to get stuck in and help physically, rather than just standing and watching.
“Right, well I think ‘happy’ is a bit of a fucking jump, but I’ll give it a go for 10 minutes, I guess.”
The couple also shared that their kids were aware of the foodbank as their private Berkshire school, Lambrook, is a known supporter of the project.
One member of the centre talked about how the couple were really thrilled about the respect that is given to those who need the service, with Kate in particular expressing how impressed she was. They said of the Princess:
They were both also really taken about the respect we offer people, our clients. And Kate liked the fact that we have children in here and learn very early on that others are not as fortunate as them.
Jane, a volunteer at Foodshare
It was a great learning curve for the couple, who could easily identify with some of the struggles.
“Oh fuck! I remember that now, babes. That was a tough three hours, yah. We had to wait for the fraud department to unlock it before we could pay for our lunch. Our lobster rolls had gone soggy by then and I was bloody famished. “
All in all, it was clear that the staff really enjoyed having them there for the day, branding them ‘lovely’. One member said:
They were a lovely couple. Clearly very well briefed but so keen to get involved and hear about what we are doing.
The couple also vowed to be back soon ‘without the entourage’ where they’d be able to lend their services again to the centre.
BAFTA’s Pre-Campaign Launch
And now on to the more glamorous work!
The Prince and Princess of Wales recently attended the BAFTA pre-campaign launch for the The Royal Foundation Centre for Early Childhood Development.
Wearing a red Alexander McQueen suit, Catherine attended the event with her husband Prince William, who is of course the President of BAFTA.
The campaign kicked off with the release of a short film, highlighting how children grow and develop in response to their earliest life experiences, with the Prince and Princess of Wales taking their seats for the screening.
And with many high profile celebrities in attendance to show their support for the Princess and her campaign, Catherine took to the stage to give a speech– watched by her proud husband.
In her speech, The Princess spoke of the aims of the campaign and highlighted its key goals for the upcoming year. She said:
And of course, by understanding our own childhoods – what has shaped our own beliefs, relationships, behaviours and feelings – we, as adults, are better placed to play our part in positively shaping future generations.
It seems like it was a good turn out for the Princess though and I wish her all the best with her campaign going forward!
But then it was on to the next and a visit to Leeds University for Princess Kate, where she spoke with students on the Childhood Studies BA course.
Speaking to the students, the Princess credited Leeds with a ‘broader approach’ to early childhood development that some other ‘fragmented’ cities across the United Kingdom.
The Princess also undertook a tour of the nearby Kirkgate Market, where she met many members of the public who waited out in the cold to see her.
It was a great opportunity for The Princess to meet the locals and hear about their experiences in the community day-to-day, related to their upbringing.
To kick off her Shaping Us campaign, Kate wanted to chat to the locals about life in Leeds and how they make their living. She stopped by the M&D Flowers stall, where she spoke to Mr. Ashcroft who has run the stall for 32 years.
Mr. Ashcroft even tried to tempt Kate with a discount on flowers, offering to knock off VAT. He asked The Princess if husband Prince William would be buying her a bouquet for Valentine’s Day, to which she apparently responded “I don’t think he will do!”
Well I think I’ll leave it there for now; there’ll be more coming out this week I’m sure that I will be able to cover off in the next post. We all know I am not really making fun of William and Kate, but Migraine Markle has been super quiet recently, so my material on her is limited.
Until next time, have a great week, don’t work too hard and I will see you soon!
Disclaimer: I should note that nothing in this post was designed to make fun of anyone who uses food banks. Or lives in Leeds. Just a bit of light-hearted humour and satire with the royals. If you currently need assistance within the UK during this tough time, you can visit the following link and they can provide details of your nearest food bank: Trussell Trust.
Take care everyone xxx
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