Royal round-up: 18th February

Happy Tuesday all! 💋

Apologies for the delay in posting on Sunday; those of you who follow me on Twitter will know that it was my dad’s 60th birthday on Saturday and overall, a very busy weekend. I could just about string a sentence together from being so tired – much less finish up a blog entry!

Well as usual, a fair bit has occurred in royal world this last week, so let’s take a look at some of the highlights…

Kate’s Podcast

So on Saturday, a podcast with the Duchess of Cambridge and Giovanna Fletcher aired, believed to have been recorded some time in late January when Kate was on her mini tour of Britain to promote her ‘5 Big Questions’ initiative.

This was super interesting, as I feel it was the first time that Catherine has been so candid about her experiences so far with motherhood and it was lovely to hear her speak as so many mums do– especially about feeling guilty for leaving her children behind when going out on engagements.

Catherine talked about the fact that while she is a hands-on mum, she still often worries about whether or not she is parenting her children in the right way and experiences the same worries all mums do – royal or not.

“And you know, by and large, they are well behaved children – but one does not hesitate to smack them upside the head every now and again.”

She also went on to laugh about how George and Charlotte ‘couldn’t understand’ why Catherine doesn’t do the school run sometimes when she has to be out of the house early for engagements, and how they often express their annoyance over this.

“You never do the school run anyway, you fucking liar.”

And also somewhat surprisingly, Catherine also discussed childbirth and how she turned to hypnobirthing following her first experience with hyperemesis gravidarum (severe morning sickness) while expecting Prince George. The Duchess told Mrs Fletcher, “I’m not going to say that William was standing there, sort of chanting sweet nothings at me. He definitely wasn’t! I didn’t even ask him about it, it was just something I wanted to do for myself.”

“Yeah, I was the fuck outta there the second she went into labour.”

I must admit, having never had a baby and not really being into all that kumbaya shit, I’m not really sure what hypnobirthing is; but the thought of William trying to aid an agitated and tired Catherine while she was in the midst of an agonising labour was rather funny to me:

All in all, a sweet and interesting conversation between Catherine and Giovanna – hoping Kate does more engagements like this going forward!

Harry to support US veterans

Like they haven’t been through enough already.

It emerged this last week that Prince Harry, who was recently stripped of his uniform and medals, is apparently now going to take it upon himself to ‘aid veterans of the USA and Canada’ – because apparently two such powerful countries need Harry’s input in order to thrive.

What Harry is going to teach them, I don’t know; he was no doubt well-protected while on the ‘frontline’ himself and likely didn’t risk having any arms or legs blown off during his two tours of Afghanistan, so perhaps he has other matters on the agenda to discuss with them…

“Now I don’t know much about Afghanistan and weapons of mass destruction, yah – but if you need advice on how to marry a woman who will alienate you from your family, just give one a call. Rates are charged per minute.”

A ‘source’ commented on the ‘initiative’, saying that “Now Harry has broken away from the Royal Family, he can finally focus on the causes that really matter to him.”

“The causes that really matter to him”? So what have the last 35 years meant to him then?
In all that time, he was supporting charities affiliated with the army, creating initiatives such as the Invictus Games and championing charities such as Walking With The Wounded.

So it’s really nice to hear that these were all things that ‘didn’t really matter’ to him.

Harry – piss off, mate. You’ve been given free rein to back whatever causes you’ve wanted for the best part of three decades – please don’t act like you’ve been forced to support things you haven’t wanted to.

“Like I say, I’m not very knowledgable on the topic, yah – I just like wearing the uniform because it’s easier to get laid.”

In kick-starting this ‘project’, Harry apparently plans to meet with officials from the PTSD Association of Canada, which supports thousands of troops dealing with the condition and aims to find various ways to support them.

“Yes, even I, a rich and privileged Prince, have struggled with my own experiences with PTSD…”
“…no, not from my time in the army, you peasants – from being married to Meghan for the past two years.”

All I can say is God help those poor veterans; having quite literally been through the wars and then having to listen to a toy soldier ginger prince pretend to identify with them. Let’s hope this isn’t a regular visit.

Harry and Meghan pictured for first time since Megxit

Interestingly, the same time as Catherine’s podcast is released.

Unfortunately, we were ‘treated’ to some photos of Dumb and Dumber landing in Victoria, Canada (from where, fuck knows) – but at least this time they had the common sense to use a commercial airliner.

Probably because they can no longer afford a private jet

Well, firstly – it’s clear their new-found freedom suits them.

Meg is free to look as messy as she likes now; hair all over the gaff, low cut top barely covering anything and that all-important binder under her arm to make it look as though she is actually doing something other than sitting on her arse and ordering the house staff around.

“Do I look really sophisticated and less yacht-y yet, yah?”

It does appear that times are tough though; in addition to flying commercial, it appears they were also having to carry their own bags (the horror). Though this did come in handy for Harry; at one point, while Meghan walked ahead of him (what’s new) down the steps of the aircraft, the Prince was in a great position to ‘accidentally’ decapitate his wife.

“At last – the moment has arrived. The wheels are perfectly level with the nape of her neck…”
“Actually, fuck it – I can’t be arsed to take care of Archie by myself.”

But alas, having lost his balls a while ago, he chickened out and settled for attempting a runner instead.

“There’s a hole in that fence – consider one’s royal arse, hauled!”

Harry and Meghan axe staff

In the interest of saving some money, it has been reported that Harry and Meghan have axed their staff at their Buckingham Palace office here in London – though the story has been spun that there is ‘no longer a need for them’ as the couple are spending so much time in Canada. Harry and Meghan told their staff formally in January:

“Your P45s are in the post, bitches.”

To me, this is the biggest sign to date that they have more chance of setting foot on the moon than back in Britain ever again, so I really think we might be lucky enough to have seen the last of them. Sort of. For now.

Though I did have to laugh though; Meghan, who likes to champion educational and employment opportunities for women, has just intentionally put a load of them out of a job so early on in the year. So much for being ‘kind’ and ‘compassionate’.

“Thank you all for your hard work over the last two years, six months or one week that each of you have worked for us… The situation is heartbreaking and I can’t find the words to say… except for maybe… leave your company iPhones on the way out – Haz and I need to flog them for a bit of extra cash.”

Apparently some of those who have lost their jobs will be ‘absorbed back into the royal family’ for work, but most of them will be facing redundancy and are currently negotiating pay packages – even those who were appointed about five seconds ago.

I’d be SO fucked off if I was one of these people. A lot of them were poached from notable places (such as Burberry) as early as six months ago; can you imagine how pissed you’d be if you had walked out of a perfectly decent job and were already out on your arse just months later?

All jokes aside, I do feel for those who have lost their jobs – but what I can tell you is that given how smart and well-educated these people seem to be, they could honestly do much better than working for some loser and his demanding wife – I’m sure they won’t have any trouble finding something new.

Ok guys, that’s all for now – see you again on Sunday when I’m sure there’ll be more shit to make fun of. Until then…

26 responses to “Royal round-up: 18th February”

  1. Happy Birthday to your Dad!

    1. Thank you my lovely! 💖

  2. I hope your dad had a lovely day!

    1. Thank you my darling! 💖

  3. Megs seems to be merching that luggage. Note how she carries the holdall, showing the logo. I’m not 100% sure, but is that luggage the same as she gifted at the baby shower ?

    1. I read that it was, actually… hardly surprising!

  4. One again, 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 Saffy! When will they EVER learn? Cringeworthingly embarrassing! 😞🥺😳🤷‍♀️

    1. Ahh thank you my love! ❤️ and I totally agree!

  5. Another week bites the dust & still the troublesome duo are pushing shade over HRH Catherine. Where do they get off? WHY?? Frustration with all is growing & in twitterland the comments are getting a little bit bitchier & some are downright rude. Can’t wait until the press fully understand how little we care for news of these two & stop printing the daily crap regarding them. Nice one Saffy – am in the middle of my “months view” – It takes over your life!! KKxx

  6. My take — -after, of course, I love it!
    “Like they haven’t been through enough already” LMAO
    Kate on a mini tour of England — but MM couldn’t even bother to stop in at Dumbarton for a cuppa, always annoyed me she didn’t care a whit to get to know her adopted country — Kate is so natural in every situation
    King George — that kid is fierce, he is like central casting little boy who will be king

  7. Seems obvious that he is floundering around looking for his niche. Quite lost apparently. God please send a barber to clean up his neck hair. They both have some kind of nice hair phobia-they look like crap all the time.

    1. LOL. I wouldn’t go near any of their so called official crapola

    2. And Meghan’s fly is down!

  8. Thanks again for the great shot of merriment…and don’t worry about getting your blog posted a bit late sometimes. Family matters are more important!

  9. Hope your dad had a wonderful birthday and you got to enjoy the day as well! I love your blog and cant tell you enough how much I enjoy the snark! Thank you for writing!!!

  10. Harry is expecting US active duty troop and veterans organizations to pay him to speak to them, like Markle made African women’s groups to pay her for spending a half hour in their presence. I have reached out to family and acquaintances who work in and with organizations who work with active duty troops and veterans to put them in the know about for profit, secretive status of Prince Harry & Markle’s Sussex Foundation, and that they should not be allowed to exploit the precious resources intended for US active duty troops, their families and veterans. I’d encourage all of you to write, (snail mail or email), or telephone active duty or veterans organizations as well.

  11. Why are they always coming down (or going up) steps on these so-called commercial flights? I haven’t walked across the tarmac to board a plane in 30 years. Is it possible these “commercial” flights are still private in the sense no one else but their entourage is on the plane? Maybe I’m stupid but I don’t see how chartering a commercial grade airplane to fly you around is any better than a private jet. Or do they just not have jetways in the UK? Oh, wait, this is Canada where I know for a fact they do. Something about coming down the steps in 2020 seems really photo-oppy and not ever day commercial flying to me. Just sayin’.

    1. If anyone is classed as VIP on a commercial flight they leave the plane first. A car will be waiting by the steps on the tarmac and will drive them to the VIP passport control area. Their luggage will have come off first and be in the car before they walked down the steps and they’ll be on their way out of the airport before other passengers even leave the plane.

      Harry will be travelling on a diplomatic passport and I imagine the State Department has also issued Meghan with a US diplomatic passport.

    2. I agree 100%. Just another photo op

    3. Victoria airport is quite small, everyone exits on to the Tarmac on those commuter planes from Vancouver.

      Love your blog, it always makes me laugh.

  12. Speaking of getting off the plane, where was Archie?

  13. No, no! US Vets do not want him.

    Can’t wait to hear from you next week after QEII put the kabosh on their little “Sussex Royal” thing!!

  14. Great article..I don’t know what Harry’s going to talk about other than his mummy’s death again for the US and Canada troops..Happy bday to your dad!

    1. Christy Aldridge avatar
      Christy Aldridge

      He is as bad as Meghan. Exploiting famous connections for opportunistic reasons. (His very famous and much loved mother.) *cringe*

  15. Great news on the Mail this morning. I don’t think the divorce is far off now. Markle will blame the breakdown on the RF and racism, while she and Harry will still be ‘best friends.’ Thx for another fab post, and for all the time you spend in making us laugh.

  16. I caught this, “Harry will retain the ranks of Major, Lieutenant Commander, and Squadron Leader – but his honorary military positions will not be used during a 12-month trial period,” in a Daily Mail article I glanced over, and I couldn’t help but consider if it’s a trial period for Ginger to divorce Nutmeg before QEII really lets him feel the weight and gravity of what he has done. LOLOLOLOL!

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