Royal round-up: 5th January 2020

Hello hello, and happy new year everybody! πŸ’–

Hope you’re all having a fabulous start to the year so far!

I have to be honest, I feel like it was fairly quiet in royal world this week, so we’re not totally inundated – however, there are always things to discuss, so without further ado – welcome to the first royal round-up of 2020!

Harry and Archie’s photo

So earlier this week, the Sussex fandom lost their shit over a photo that they put out of Harry and Archie against a “Canadian” backdrop.

Yes. Groundbreaking stuff.

Like I say, I’m not arsed about children and I’m certainly not arsed about Harry and Archie, but one thing I will note about this photo is that Archie is fucking HUGE.

Seriously, is he starting school soon? I mean, Mary Poppins I am not, but I’m fairly certain an 8 month old child is usually smaller than this.

“Yes… I am… eight months old.”

Also, is he wearing a skirt and thick wooly tights?

There appears to be some sort of denim fabric hiked up by Harry’s arm, which doesn’t look like a pair of trousers to me. Couple that with the grey tights, and I’m fairly certain he’s wearing a dress or a skirt.

I know it’s 2020, and we’re all “raise your kids without gender” and all that other kumbaya shit, but give the poor little bugger a chance; he’s already got two self-entitled morons for parents, hardly any relatives as his mother has cut them all out and despite being born to a Prince, has been left on his arse without a title – don’t make things worse for him.

Archie has an epiphany

But despite my observations, Sussex fans across the world took to gushing all over the Sussex Instagram, banging on about how “amazing” the photo was and “how much Canada suits them.” I agree – Canada really does suit them. Because it means we don’t have to put up with them in the UK.

…in Canada, for the foreseeable future.

In any case, this idea seems somewhat stolen from the Cambridges; just after Kensington Palace release a shot that Catherine took of William and his kids, Meghan then has to do the same a week later – because she hasn’t got many original ideas in her head.

You said it, bitch

The Cambridge kids want to spend more time with Archie

Yeah, and I’m Obama.

Last week, there was an article put out on the Daily Mail about how Prince George, Princess Charlotte and Prince Louis apparently “adore” their little cousin Archie, and “want to spend more time with him” as he grows up.

What, the cousin they never see and ignored at the polo?

Given the very limited interactions we’ve seen between Archie and the Cambridge kids in public, it couldn’t be more abundantly clear that Will and Kate’s children couldn’t give less of a shit about Archie if they tried.

“Yah, we don’t want to get to know him aunty Meghan, we were just trying to keep him safe as you have no fucking clue how to hold him.”

Speaking frankly, I don’t think three young children are that arsed about a baby who is barely crawling. I mean, how much interest can there really be?

“None what-so-fucking-ever.”

As for them “adoring” their cousin, and the article trying to make out like the Cambridges and Sussexes have Sunday lunch together every week and let the kids bond, I do remember an article coming out last summer which stated that William and Catherine’s brood hadn’t actually met Archie for the first two months of his life.

Yeah – close and adoring?

Of course, I could be totally wrong; they are innocent children and I’m sure they love their little cousin, spending most of their precious time together helping him navigate the big wide world, as he starts to crawl and explore…

“Here, Lottie – lob that at his head – let’s see how long it takes the little fucker to cry.”

Harry and Meghan help couple take a selfie

More Sussex PR for you this week.

Apparently during a hike in Canada, Prince Harry and Media Meg came across a young, stupid couple who were unable to use a selfie stick correctly (because that shit requires a PHD apparently), and very kindly offered their photographic services.

Waiting to be recognised, I think is a safer bet

Never mind those on the frontline battling the Australian bushfires, doctors and nurses who save lives every day and parents on the breadline who starve every night so that their children can eat; in a true act of heroism, Meghan Markle… took a photo.

She could maybe have done it so that the sun isn’t glaring on the back of the woman’s head and almost obscuring her face

As it’s been reported that Catherine is a keen photographer, we know little Meggy is desperate not to be outdone, and seems to have turned herself into something of an Ansel Adams while she’s sat on her arse in Canada.

Surprisingly, this couple were a little too shell-shocked at being approached by two unemployed grifters and kept gushing about it as though they’d witnessed the second coming or something.

Bit impolite to call Meghan and Harry dogs, especially since Meghan was coming over to you, but ok

I’m not sure why they were so excited; it’s painfully obvious Meghan only did this to be recognised and because she knew this woman was going to run to the papers and tell them what had happened, further keeping the Sussexes in the press. I do not believe for a second that this was a random act of kindness – does Meghan actually ever do those?

Nah, didn’t think so

It’s also clear that these little hiking trips are Meghan’s idea and her surefire way of being noticed in public, which is what she craves anyway.

I mean, I doubt Harry’s suggesting going on these walks; we don’t “hike” in Britain, unless there’s a pub at the top of the hill, so this is definitely an American initiative– and one where Meghan can revel in the starstruck awe of sad passers-by around her.

“You got me, yah.”

But all’s well that ends well; the couple enjoyed their (slightly shit) photo and Meghan got her name in the press for another 24 hours. Win win!

I won’t answer that.

Meghan mentions Australian bushfires

At last – they’ve only been burning for fucking months, but don’t let that spoil your two-month holiday.

Yes, the Sussexes finally took to Instagram to post about the Australian wildfires, expressing their “sadness” at the situation and how devastating it had been for the country.

And then.. predictably… they managed to somehow bring the post back to themselves and their own (disastrous) visit to Australia.

Was wondering how long it would take them

The only thing Meghan is “personally connected to” is the royal bank account.

Honestly, can they make one charitable post without it somehow coming back to their own stories and how it “personally affects” them?

“The Australian fires are so devastating– but remember when we visited and how amazing we both looked?”

“What’s happening has marked a really difficult time for Australia — but remember when we announced we were having a baby as soon as we arrived there?”

Honestly, both of you, shut up. I’d be willing to bet neither of them has made a financial donation to the Australia yet for these disasters, so until either one of them is prepared to get on the frontline with a hose in their hand, I’m not interested.

“Harry, it opens at this end, yah?”
“Don’t worry Meghan babes, I have it under control!”

Well that’s all for this week, my loves; I trust there will be tonnes more fuckery this week so that I can rant away next weekend.

If they’re not already, I reckon this coming week will see Harry and Meghan return to Britain and of course, there will be some announcements regarding William and Catherine that will be trickling in.

In addition to this, it is Catherine’s 38th birthday on Thursday, when the bells of Westminster Abbey will no doubt be rung in celebration – that will be exciting! πŸ””

In the meantime, have a fab week, be good, and I’ll see you all next Sunday! πŸ’‹

37 responses to “Royal round-up: 5th January 2020”

  1. Awesome blog, as always! Thanks for putting it out there and making us all laugh!

    1. Thank you my love – always appreciate your support! πŸ’–

      1. Erica Mcnaughton avatar
        Erica Mcnaughton

        Well well things have now moved on… the hapless pair are taking their dolly and going to live in Canada. Queen and palace upset and shocked!!! Cant wait for your next blog xx

  2. From random struggling hikers to an entire continent complete with koalas, Meggers saves the day! Great recap, love it,as always : )

    1. Hahahaha so true! Meghan to the rescue! And thank you my love, really appreciate it πŸ’–

    2. And shock of shocks the woman in the picture works for CTV, I’ve also read that she also has connections to the Mulroney family. Megs and co just “happened upon them” my foot.

      1. Yes! I saw that and forgot to put that in – it couldn’t smack much more of Sussex PR could it!

  3. I’m sure I’ve read somewhere that the photo taking story was a rip off from the same story told a few years ago by Hilary Clinton.

    1. That would NOT surprise me!

      1. California Girl avatar
        California Girl

        Just like Moochelle. Big Mike, always about her. Sorry UK got a bad export. We love Kate!

    2. It is. After Mrs. Clinton lost the election she was “spotted” by a local just strolling through the woods. I remember there was more to it, just like megs and haz but the details slip my mind right now.

  4. Brilliant, as always! You’re right about Archie’s (Anabel?) strange kit, too. That’s either a skirt or shorts, which might be almost worse.

    1. Thank you my love! πŸ’– and I know, it just looks a bit strange, so definitely not a pair of trousers. Very odd…

  5. Happiest of New Years my dear!!!!
    I looked up Archies birth weight, 7 pounds 3 ounces. My grandson was 9 pounds 12 ounces. I was able to do a side by side comparison of pictures of Archie and Caden at 7 months. Let’s just say my grandson looked much smaller. I know children grow at different rates but Caden has (and still is) on the high side of all growth charts. I’m really believing that there is no way Archie is as young as they claim he is.

    1. Right?! I’m not a mother but this child is bloody huge, and as you say, he was very average at birth with his weight. I’m not buying that he’s only 8 months old – no way. And happy new year my love! πŸ’–

  6. Patricia Graham avatar
    Patricia Graham

    Just love your voice, style and witty take. Always make me laugh out loud. Great talent you. πŸ™‚

    1. Thank you my darling, I very much appreciate that! πŸ’–

  7. Hahaha..very funny..As always, I love your blog

  8. love this..Thanks for the good laugh

    1. Thank you darling, you’re most welcome! πŸ’–

  9. “Bit impolite to call Meghan and Harry dogs, especially since Meghan was coming over to you, but ok ”
    Almost spat out my cornflakes. so funny!
    you capture the essence of it all perfectly.

    1. Hahahah thank you my darling! I’m really glad you’re enjoying the blog πŸ’–

  10. That “accidental” running into the couple on a hike was totally planned. The woman I understand knew Megs when they both volunteered for World Vision Canada. The woman is a producer working for CTV Vancouver. And, yes, like other commenters have said the story smacks of a retelling of the Hillary Clinton walking through the woods and meeting up with a couple also hiking. A picture was taken to prove that event with Hillary and the woman cheek to cheek! Egads!! Hillary and Megs both have the PR firm Sunshine Sachs which just recycled the Hillary story to fit Megs’ agenda. Always enjoy your blog. Keep up the good work!

    1. It now looks as if Sunshine Sachs have dropped the dreadful duo! So they have NO PR representing them – no problem thinks RMM – I CAN DO IT. OMG goes my head!! M’s idea of PR is just to ply more and more crappy lies about Prince Charles, William, Catherine Andrew (she kicks people even when they are down) and every other Royal she has encountered – Senior Royals such as Anne would be better at dealing with this since she isn’t emotionally connected to Harry or M! All MM does is create chaos & more with lies fake pictures, and more lies.

      1. Anne would kick both their arses.

  11. Thank you for always making me laugh whilst eating food, which is thus spit out, or drinking a Diet Coke, which spurts from my nose. At least I am mostly alone at these indelicate moments.

    I believe all babies are beautiful (in their parent’s minds, at least. I am not ashamed to say that my first daughter, born early, looked like a tadpole, and I loved her with my entire heart, body and soul the moment I saw her. She has grown to be a remarkable woman in both brains and beauty. She also had divergent tra is us, which is hereditary. I think the latest pic of Archie, in Harry’s arms, is beautiful. The baby might not be the Gerber baby (Humphrey Bogart, whose mother Maud was a wealthy and talented artist), but which baby is always gorgeous?

    Happy New Year!

  12. Happy New Year Saffy! You are awesome!

  13. littlemisshappy120 avatar

    Happy New Year!

    Another great roundup of the soap opera that is H&M!
    You are super witty and have amazing observational skills (stand up may be your vocation)

    Thank you for adding much mirth to my Sunday’s.
    Much love πŸ’• X

  14. Clarissa Armstrong avatar
    Clarissa Armstrong

    I love your blog. It appears Archificial is a little girl. Her parents are friends of Harry and they live in Turkey.

  15. Megains Nightmare avatar
    Megains Nightmare

    You’ve got to cover “H” and the photo that was actually taken at the Rehab! Its on Twitter. Much vacation.

    Love you blog. Glad you’re back!

    1. Which photo do you mean ? I don’t do twitter. Please can you give me a clue how to find it.

      1. The account above is private, but this one is not

  16. Love the Ansel Adams reference. You nail it every time. Thanks for the laughs – a great start to the year.

  17. We don’t want them in Canada. Take them back please!

  18. Hello,
    I’m looking forward to your take on the turn of events. I believe you have a pretty good read of What’s Her Face M.

    Here in the U.S. (no we don’t want her back either) they are reporting they left Archie in Canada. If true, I view the move as making him a weapon/tool to get what she wants and to make sure H doesn’t cave to his family. To me there’s anything lower than using a child.

    Hope your health has improved and your new year is starting out on the right foot.

  19. I agree with you!!
    1) Archie IS ugly (sorry but damn he has Harry’s colouring and Megan’s eyes, nose, features)
    2) I think he was born earlier and this is why she looked huge during her pregnancy, why she was hiding last few months and why the whole labour & birth announcement was so odd. She is vain and wanted to come out when she was more ready physically (i.e
    Slim). Or maybe had a complicated pregnancy/birth which is none of our business but at least dont lie to us!
    3) The trip to Canada was all planned as a big “f- you we are not coming back” to the monarchy. They released the announcement secretly and against all advice. Bunch of spoiled immature brats. I hope Charles gets his wish and cuts them off completely.

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