Royal round-up: 8th December

Happy Sunday ladies and gents – hope you’ve all had a good weekend!

After my first week back at work since being ill, it was most welcome; what a stressful one that was! I swear, I could’ve died and the finance team would still come to my funeral like “that’s sad, but you’re late submitting your credit card expenses.”

Also pleased to announce that I had my first glass of wine in foreeeeeever on Friday night and it was beautiful. (Ok, I had 4, but I’m British – we rarely stop at one.)

But enough about me – as per, there have been some nuggets of royal manure this week to get through, so without further ado, let’s get stuck in!

Prince Charles wants to streamline the monarchy

Yes, Prince Charles reportedly wants to bring the circle in a bit where members of the royal family are concerned and this would mean bumping some useless members off the VIP list.

It has been said that Charles has “wanted to do this for years” and even with his mother Queen Elizabeth still on the throne, plans have been “put in motion already”. Many believe that the shunning of Prince Andrew is an indicator that this is what’s happening behind palace walls, but…

There are other sources that say Charles wants to limit the family beneath him to “just his sons and their children”, in order to “avoid embarrassing situations with other members of the family”– seemingly forgetting that Hypocrite Henry and Media Meg are probably the most cringeworthy members of the family.

Just a word of advice to the Prince of Wales, but it might be worth streamlining the monarchy down to those who actually want to be a part of it. I’ve yet to see Harry and Meghan put their arses into their roles, so until they do, they can end up on the scrapheap with the rest of them.

Where is it they’ve been again for the last three weeks, Charles?

Yeah – I’d hold that thought for now, mate.

Harry and Meghan spent Thanksgiving in the USA

Which brings me nicely to my next point…

An article or two surfaced this week confirming that Harry and Meghan are in fact in the USA and have been for the last few weeks, having celebrated Thanksgiving with “close family”…

Considering most of her family (on both sides) have been slagging Meggers off in the press, talking about how they haven’t seen her in years and expressing their obvious disdain for her, I can’t imagine they were welcome around the table to share a bit of turkey and pumpkin pie this year– so I’m gonna say they spent it with Doria in her bungalow.

Apparently Meghan, who is made out to be a Michelin star chef just because she once knocked up some avocado on toast, will be doing “all the cooking” in California – as she just “loves wearing the apron”.

Given the amount of weight Harry has lost since Meghan moved to the UK, I can only assume her cooking is fucking terrible and he’d rather starve than put any of it in his mouth.

In addition to speculation on their whereabouts, some dude called Omid Scobie, who is a prize prat, might I add – was the first to “leak” the news on behalf of Meghan that the Sussexes are currently in the USA.

For those who don’t know, Scobie is Meghan’s mouthpiece and leaks all the info to the media that Meghan is unable to leak herself, due to royal family constraints. I mean, you didn’t think Meghan would go to the USA and NOT make sure we all knew about it, did you?

Of course, many others believe that the Useless Twosome are in fact out there searching for a permanent USA home – a rumour of which many of us hope is true.

And if the stories are true that they are planning to stay out there through Christmas also, then they’ll certainly have plenty of time to house-hunt, that’s for sure.

William on tour

Thank fuck – something to redeem all this bullshit.

As mentioned during last week’s royal round up, just as I started penning the previous one, The Duke of Cambridge had just arrived in Kuwait for a solo royal tour.

Prince William, who left his wife, The Duchess of Cambridge and their three children back home in England, conducted visits to both Kuwait and Oman– the first time he has officially visited either country.

The Duke also paid a visit to the Ras Musandam Naval Base, where he wore protective glasses and ear plugs to watch soldiers throw hand grenades – which gave His Royal Highness a bright idea or two:

The Duke went on to study the wetlands’ wildlife, where he even got a chance to get up close and personal with some of the beautiful creatures the land had to offer:

And he even got a chance to see how Kuwaiti arts and crafts were made, first hand:

All in all, a successful trip for the Duke, who even made it home in time for the kids’ bedtime.

Harry and Meghan want you to think of the homeless

Despite the fact Dumb and Dumber are meant to be on a break, they are still posting on Instagram, getting us to “reflect on the lonely, hungry and homeless this Christmas”.

Tabloids speculated that Meghan may have penned the post herself, due to the wording of “festive holiday season” – a term of which we never use in the UK.

I was fascinated by this observation; Meghan? Taking control of the Sussex IG?

I, for one, thought it was a heartfelt, lovely post. I mean, a social-climbing gold-digger who has dumped anybody who couldn’t boost her profile as she clambered her way up the ladder? It’s really touching to see her utter phrases such as:

Tell me Meghan, what is it dear old daddy has planned for Christmas? Perhaps he’s spending it alone at home with a can of beer? Is it a takeaway Chinese and a quiet one in front of the tv? I think your dad would “appreciate the smallest act of kindness” Meghan, but I’m guessing he’s unlikely to get it from his cold-hearted bitch of a daughter.

I’ll bet the Sussexes are genuinely worried about the hungry and homeless, as they jet about the planet on their private planes and spend money like it’s water. What true humanitarians they are.

Kate takes over a royal patronage

Turning our attention back to the royals who actually do some work – it’s been announced this week that The Duchess of Cambridge has taken over a patronage from The Queen – becoming patron of Family Action – a charity Her Majesty had been patron of for 65 years.

Catherine visited the charity this week, meeting with the children who are supported by this cause and engaging in some festive activities.

This is of course a huge honour; if the Queen passes down such an important patronage to you, you know it’s because she clearly thinks highly of you – which we know she does with Catherine.

It was during this visit that Catherine also revealed that Prince Louis “follows her around everywhere” and “wants to go wherever she does.”

This comes off the back of a busy week, as Catherine also attended the NATO dinner held at Buckingham Palace, where attendees included the President and First Lady of the USA, as well as Justin Trudeau, Prime Minister of Canada.

Kate seemed in her element in a green Emilia Wickstead dress, clearly delighted to be part of the occasion:

But with William away, Catherine seemed more than comfortable undertaking such important events with world leaders on her own, and as usual, totally outshone everyone else.

Well that’s all for now folks – this coming week will see the Diplomatic Reception at Buckingham Palace on Wednesday and let’s not forget as mentioned above – that all important UK election on Thursday.

I won’t disclose who I’m voting for, for fear of being stabbed, but to my fellow UK-ers, please make sure you get out there and do your part this week… let’s sort out this political mess.

Until next time, my dears… 💋