Royal round-up: 13th October

Happy Sunday huns!

Sorry – I am getting really shit with updating this on a weekly basis, but I’m trying to keep up with it all. If only life would stop getting in the way.

But I’m here now – so let’s get cracking…

Meghan ties ribbons

And just like that, poverty ended and world peace was restored.

“Don’t you dare fucking post this one – my extensions are looking SHIT.”

In “honour” of the young woman who was brutally raped and murdered, Uyinene Mrwetyana, Meghan made sure that she was up front and centre to highlight her grief – though she probably hadn’t even heard the young woman’s story until she’d been briefed ten minutes before in the car, all while practicing her “solemn” expression in the rear view mirror.

“Does this look ok? No? Bit sadder? …Maybe I should lose the tiara?”

Yes – rather than posting a picture of the young woman who lost her life, Meghan made sure she was caught on camera doing something charitable – because what’s the point of doing something good if nobody’s looking, right Meg?

In fact – one look at their “Sussex royal” Instagram will show you that this tour was nothing more than the fucking Meghan show. Seriously – even on a post about visiting a place of worship, all Me-again has shared are photos of herself like it’s some kind of Vogue photo shoot, rather than a royal tour with charitable focuses.

“Felt like Diana in this one, might delete later lol”

I mean really, it would be laughable if it wasn’t so shocking. Almost every post was entirely about her. Even if Harry has gone somewhere solo, she still managed to find a way to shove her name and face in.

“Here to help the poor” – HRH Meghan πŸ’‹
“Here to campaign for women’s education but doesn’t this look like I’m on a catwalk?!”
“Let’s focus on the matter at hand but look how many people are taking photos of me!!!”

In fact, one article recently described them as “The Duchess of Sussex and her husband”.

If I’m not mistaken, the “Duchess” (lol) would not be a Duchess without marrying who she did, so something about that doesn’t read right, but maybe it’s just me.

I sense Harry getting Charles-jealous-of-Diana-vibes in 3, 2, 1…

Meghan Skypes Malawi

Which brings me nicely to my next point.

Yes, while Prince Harry buggered off to Malawi to patronise yet more sad folk, Meghan made sure her main man didn’t forget about her – or let others do so either.

On a visit to a school, Harry, obviously labouring under the same misapprehension as his wife that she is actually popular anywhere, made sure she stuck her ski-slope nose into proceedings by Skyping the poor girls in the classroom – most of whom probably don’t even have WiFi, let alone use it to look up shit about Meghan.

“Ladies – you don’t really need an education. Just a thick ginger with a title and even thicker wallet. You’re welcome!”

Harry expressed pride over his wife’s appearance – clearly proud she managed to type in the Skype password herself and everything, further proving that her own education (which daddy Markle paid for), had really come in handy.

Harry got into the spirit of things and even joined some morning prayers with one of the young students:

“Yes Angeline, say it with me: Dear Lord, please ensure that plane takes off out of Johannesburg without my wife onboard. I’ll say an extra Hail Mary for possible engine failure too.”

Prayer time over, Prince Harry interacted with some of the young students, discussing important current affairs:

“Fuck it – I’ll give you twenty quid to adopt Meghan. I’ll throw in Archie too for half price, if you’re interested?”

He even met the President of Malawi:

“YOU don’t want her, do you mate?”

And then interacted with more of the locals:

“But twenty quid is a lot of money where you’re from – final offer.”

All in all – a successful trip for the Duke of Sussex.

“Guess she’s fucking coming back to England, then.”

Harry and Meghan take legal action

Yes, these two plonkers are actually taking legal action against the Daily Mail (and whoever else they feel like) because they “write negative things about Meghan” and because the letter she wrote to her dad was released to the public – like that wasn’t her intention from the start.

I think somebody may need to also tell Harry that the DM don’t have anything favourable to say about anyone, but don’t let the truth get in the way of a lawsuit.

Harry actually even went as far as to release a lengthy statement, telling us how much his wife was “suffering” in private and how he “couldn’t stand by and watch it anymore.”

Doesn’t look like she’s suffering too much to me, mate.

If they’re looking for some form of sympathy after spending all our money and trying to shut us out at every turn, they’re not gonna get it here. Save for a few idiots, the public are fully done with these two.

“I know we’re arseholes and we spent all your money and told you all to fuck off, yah – but have a heart.”

Harry – neither you nor your wife know what “suffering” is.

You were born with a fucking silver spoon in your mouth and bar the loss of your mother, an event you’ve dined out on for 21 years and seem to think will get you a free pass for everything, you do not know what this truly means.

And what about Meghan The Humanitarian suing her own father? I thought, according to her, he was once the best thing since sliced bread?

“My father is a wonderful man who has done a lot for me, but since he is slowly exposing me for the total prick I am, it breaks my heart to tell you all that I will have to sue his arse in the near future. Please pay, I mean – pray, for me at this difficult time.”

This is one circus that isn’t going to come to an end anytime soon, but I’m finding it hilarious, so keep ’em coming I say!

Harry gets aggy with the press

Following a visit to a hospital in Malawi, Prince Harry was asked “what he hoped to gain by the short visit he made”, which nicely fucked him off.

“Don’t be getting up in one’s face, yah”

“Ask them” and gesturing back to the hospital with his thumb was his response – which was probably another way of saying “I haven’t got a fucking clue.”

“Couldn’t tell ya, mate. I just turn up, shake some hands and then head home for a nap.”

Any further questions from Harry were met with a dismissive response, with him essentially telling one reporter not to be a dick – before jumping into his chauffeur driven car, with security, water and AC waiting.

“Remind us of what SUFFERING is again, Harry m’boy.”

As usual, the Sussexes show their anger at being called out by anybody on their own behaviour. For two people who love looking in the mirror, they sure as hell don’t enjoy having one held up to them.

Let’s face it, she doesn’t look like a victim here – she looks like Anthony Joshua about to take on Conor McGregor.

But we can all thank our lucky stars – this “royal tour” is now over and hopefully the Spender Sussexes have retreated back into their cave for several months, where they can have all the “privacy” they want.

“Harry, I’ll be wife number two once this one dumps you!”
“Yeah, almost done with him love – just give me another year and one more kid.”

This coming week should be interesting and it’s a big one – The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge touch down in Pakistan tomorrow for a four-day tour of the country, and we all know they’re going to do us proud.

Let’s face it, we fucking need them to redeem the image after the Sussexes buggered it up yet again overseas.

I can’t wait! Until next weekend, my lovelies…

24 thoughts on “Royal round-up: 13th October

  1. Another brilliant entry; so happy to see you back!

    Is MeGain preggers again, do you think? Her body, (no mum shaming here) is looking thicker than after she had Archie the doll.

    Also, if that clueless bint pushes, pulls or pokes Harry one more time I’m going to lose my shit. Who exactly does she think she is??

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you my love! πŸ’– and I was thinking that but I’m sure they’d have announced it during the tour for maximum attention if she was. I really think she’s just thick round the middle from Archie and just didn’t lose the weight. It’s odd though because she isn’t chubby anywhere else – just her face and waist…

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Loved the screaming about ‘we’re gonna sue the DM for invading our privacy!’ and without ANY loss of time the Mail hit back by pointing out that the letter had already been leaked by HER friends and that her father gave it the letter. I’m sure part of the defence will be that neither of them is averse to using the press in the same way Diana did – to promote favourable PR.

    Can these two just shut up and go away? or mostly, just go away.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Exactly!! That’s the bit that got me – but of course, all is forgiven when it’s one of Meghan’s little “friends” who leaks something. But not ok when it’s her father and he gets phased out of her life? She’s such a tool.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. What I think we are seeing here is a lack of self-awareness at the very least. And lack of self-awareness is a very unintelligent trait. I am convinced that she simply cannot get out of the mindset that she’s not in Hollywood now and she doesn’t have to keep promoting her brand to get one over her rivals: and what’s so funny is the sheer class with which the Cambridges are trumping the Sussexes every time in the PR stakes.

        Liked by 2 people

  3. You always bring a smile to my face! I hope to the dear Lord above she’s not preggers. I don’t think we can take another 11 months of bump holding belly rubbing and coat flicking!!
    The lowly peasants will soon start revolting outside the castle or maybe start chucking moldy fruit at her. We can only hope?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you love! πŸ’– and I hope not either, although if she isn’t already, we know it’s in the post. She’ll be sure to have another one next year. She’s not leaving that family with any less than two kids, that’s for sure.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I love beautiful Kate and William. They just ooze class. Im so very glad William was born first. Please no more dollys. Err i meant babies, i just couldnt cope. She seems to have got fatter long after Archie weird !! And please if you do have another child. Choose a Royal name for goodness sake!!

    Be gone from our shores

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I agree with these honest, true comments. The Sussexes want us to have sympathy for them after the people pay their salaries to live in the lap of luxury. Oh please Meghan! Stop crying to the cameras. We don’t believe your fake tears!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Truly, your hilarious blog is a palate cleanser from the bitter bile known as the Suckasses. The lowlife tied the ribbon and merched the outfit immediately thereafter. Also, I was desperately hoping that you would address the huge rubber butt she wore under the washerwoman mosque “dress”. But, thank you so much for this delightful blog!

    Liked by 1 person

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