Royal round up: 25th August

Happy Sunday all! Sorry for the delay on the last post – had myself a bit of a break as it was my birthday on Friday and it has been a heavy week or so – I’m only finally feeling slightly human today.

Emphasis on “slightly”

 Apologies in advance if some of the items are a week or so old – but let’s face it, I haven’t chimed in yet and these are all too good not to comment on. 
So without further ado…

Mum shaming Meghan 
So about two weeks ago, there was an article on The Daily Mail from some “PR expert” who threw their toys out of the pram because a lot of us dared to point out that Meghan doesn’t know how to hold her baby properly. 

“Here, George – hold *this* for a second, will you?”

Of course, because the safety of the child was mentioned, we are once again called “racist bullies” –  because yes, even if Saint Meghan murdered somebody in cold blood, we still have to give her a free pass because she happens to be half black.

Fact is – the woman clearly isn’t comfortable holding a baby, much less her own, which is bizarre as he is three months old and she should sort of grasped the concept by now. 

If you’re holding him the same way I’d cart a pack of bog roll back from the shops, then yes love, you’ll be pulled up on it.

“It’s ok Archie – mummy’s got you!”

She’s on the world stage and as such, yes, will be criticised for everything that she does.

I remember when Prince William was criticised for apparently not strapping Prince George into his car seat “the correct way” when they left the hospital after his birth  (whatever that is). 

Or when the knives came out during the Cambridges’ first tour as a family in Australia and NZ, because Kate carried her own child down the steps of the aircraft, met with comments such as:

“Why doesn’t she tie her hair back?”
“Why doesn’t William carry George? He’s not carrying anything else!”
“Her dress is flying up – AGAIN!”
“Why is she wearing those stupid heels and walking down steps while carrying a baby?”

So no, it’s not just Mixed Race Meghan who deals with such criticism – everyone seems to forget that Kate did too in her early days as a mother.

No – Kate was NEVER criticised.

Bottom line – this is the life Meghan wanted so she can deal with everything else that comes her way. She won’t be getting any sympathy from me – that’s for sure. 

Ibiza, Nice and Elton John
So I’m sure we all saw the constant headline news that after preaching to us all about our carbon footprint, Harry and Meghan spent the best part of two weeks jetting around Europe on a private jet… because apparently being sixth in line to the throne means you’re too important to fly on a commercial airliner.

The first stop was Ibiza – a far cry from Balmoral Castle, I’m sure you’ll agree. Unless the Queen condones snorting cocaine off a toilet and doing shots at 9am. 

“Well, one does enjoy a line of ket with one’s cornflakes.”

Honestly – why you’d visit the island with a baby, I don’t know. I went once when I was about 19 with my friends and it was a total waste of time and money; it’s overpriced, boring if you’re not a drug taker and 90% of the island’s visitors appear to be imported from Essex. Yeah – no thanks.

In any case, this is where Meghan chose to spend her 38th birthday – in a private villa that cost us (yes, us) £108,000 a week.

As idyllic as it looks, why on earth would two losers and a baby need to spend that much of our money on a villa for five days? I mean really, could our two wonderful faux-manitarians not find a charity that would benefit more from receiving that money than some overpriced villa resort?

“End poverty? But… what about my trip to Shag-Aluf?”

And as if that wasn’t bad enough – they then came back to London for a bit before flying on to Nice for another holiday – to recover from their first holiday. 

“Honestly Harry, I’m just SO tired from the last three holidays.”

Yep – Meghan and Harry were snapped disembarking yet another private aircraft in the South of France sometime early last week.

Does this child ever move? He’s been in the same position since the polo match.

And yes – the Sussex Death Grip was back, with Meghan clutching Archie tightly to her with the same energy I hold onto my glass of wine with on a plane when we hit severe turbulence.

Honestly, she held her stomach like that while pregnant and now he’s out, she’s doing the same thing. Why does she insist on crushing him like that? Meghan hun, he’s only a few months old – you got a few years yet before he tries to make a genuine escape from you.

“Time to haul royal ass!”

Also – why they couldn’t just get a British Airways aircraft, I don’t know; I went to Nice for a few days break at the end of last year and before I’d even had a chance to eat a packet of biscuits, we’d already landed. It’s literally an hour and a half flight from London, so I’m slightly baffled. 

📸 My own photo of Nice: honestly, if you haven’t been, go – that place is stunning

But then… Princess Diana’s butt plug Elton John, who has lived with his head up the backside of the royals for the best part of three decades, decided to chime in.

Yeah and I’m deeply distressed by your lack of braincells

I really have no words for this essay of bullshit he posted, because it’s very clear the point of people’s anger over Harry and Meghan flew completely over his big ginger head.

Yes, we’re pissed off about the money spent on ridiculous Spanish villas, but it’s also the hypocrisy of it all.

Really – is Elton as much of a dipshit as Sussex fans that he doesn’t recall this preaching sesh from Holiday Harry and Magaluf Meg earlier this year?

Well, seems like you’re still asleep then, Harry mate.

I don’t give a toss how much of a fan you are of these two, but if you can’t see the blatant hypocrisy and “do as I say, not as I do” attitude, you are seriously dense.

Harry and Meghan are giving everybody the serious middle finger and all we’re being told is how much we need to defend and protect them, by people who are just as stupid as they are.

And then EJ has the audacity to say that it’s all ok, because it was his own private jet and he very kindly planted a few trees to offset the carbon footprint. 

Oh pull the other one, mate. Can you really see Elton John up at the crack of dawn, planting trees so that Harry and Meghan can go on holiday?

This is the same man who last week had two security guards physically CARRY him to a boat because he didn’t want to get his feet wet.

” Fuck the trees – what about my FEET?!”

And I don’t know if anybody has told him this, but trees can take up to 30 years to reach their full height, so this isn’t really doing anything for anyone.Archie will have married someone like his mother by then and will be jetting about on his own private plane, further pissing us all off.

And with the number of private jets the Showy Sussexes take, the planet will have all but died out by the time anything grows.
So A* for effort Elton, but you’re wrong. Best stick to playing the piano.

Yeah, and you’re more of a fart in the wind, mate. Keep it buttoned.

And if Harry and Meghan dare talk to any of us about “carbon footprints” ever again, I daresay the only ones they’ll be dealing with are those they’ll end up with on their backsides from the British public, as their arses are booted off stage.

“Here’s a nice ‘arsehole footprint’ to send you on your way!”

The Cambridges head to Balmoral

Well we heard the Sussexes were invited originally, so whether that invite was revoked or they simply rejected it, the fact is, they went for Spain over Scotland.
And more fittingly, the Cambridges have joined The Queen and the Duke of Edinburgh at Balmoral instead.

But the better news that came out of this was the fact that they had not only flown on a commercial airliner, but a budget one no less – a £70-per-head FlyBe aircraft from London to Aberdeen, complete with Prince William carrying their own luggage too.

Bet our darling Duchess of Sussex spat out her kale and lemon juice when she saw THAT one in the news.

“FlyBe?! This is PREPOSTEROUS!”

Yes, Harry and Meghan; two future Kings and a future Queen Consort flew on a budget airline to see the monarch in Scotland. While two self-important twats who won’t ever get a chance to even sniff the throne, opted for a decadent arrival into a country that is literally an hour away.

If I were the Cambridges though, I’d refrain from giving the Sussexes their flight details prior to travel… never know what lengths Meghan will go to to be Queen…

“How… to… disable.. aircraft.. brakes.”

Funnier still, and true to form, the Sussex PR machine was hard at work, claiming that the aircraft the Cambridges used had used actually flown “hundreds of miles” beforehand to pick up the family.

Try again, Meghan. For somebody that spends half her life on an aircraft, you’d think she’d realise that the bullshit story her camp put out doesn’t even make any sense.

Aircrafts do sometimes make journeys without any passengers onboard – it’s usually how they move from one place to another.

And also – the aircraft wasn’t flying to pick up just the Cambridges – there were at least another 100 passengers onboard – most of whom were not even aware the future King and Queen were onboard, as they’re happy flying about without fanfare.

Carole and Michael Middleton were also onboard the aircraft, meaning the Queen has obviously extended an invite for them to join her at her Scottish summer home – while the Sussexes likely did not even get asked.

Yeah – stick that in your pipe and smoke it, Meggers. Maybe you really will be banished to Africa after all. We’ll make sure you’re put on the finest aircraft available.

Well – sort of.

Harry and Meghan are split up – at Madame Tussaud’s 
Did anyone else laugh as hard as I did at this?

Harry and Meghan’s waxworks at Madame Tussaud’s have been split; and when I say “split”, I mean, Meghan has been removed from the royal family set and dumped alongside Tom Hardy, Priyanka Chopra and the Beckhams… in other words, right where she belongs – amongst other irrelevant, overrated prats.

Very fitting that they stuck her in front of the bar. Somebody at MT has a sense of humour.

Madame Tussaud’s tried to wriggle out of questioning by giving some bullshit about how Meghan was moved so it could “reflect her solo celebrity status” – but we all know it was some manager there exercising their sassy nature.

I mean, what solo status? She’s only where she is now because she married someone famous – she didn’t quite make it on her own, so that’s a load of crap for one.  

Moving Meghan’s mannequin from the rest of the royal family waxworks is quite a daring move – either a foresight on their part, they know something we don’t or the public complained about having a D-list actress ruining the royal family’s set.

Given the real-life figures are usually glued to each other, I imagine it took a blowtorch and chainsaw to separate the waxworks, but the Madame Tussaud’s staff seemed determined to part them – and part them they did.

Well, you can’t say they don’t have an eye for detail; Harry keeping his hands away from his wife’s claw and Meghan’s stick legs and nutty stare are dead on.

Now just for the REAL separation announcement… 

haha I’m such an evil bitch

Ok folks, that’s all for now; will try and keep up with posts from here on out.

Speaking of French jaunts, I’m off on my own birthday trip to the North of France on Tuesday, so will be fairly quiet on social media while I eat all the bread and cheese the country has to offer.
If you’re in the UK, enjoy the long weekend and I’ll see you all next week (when I’m heavier and more tanned than I am now).

56 responses to “Royal round up: 25th August”

  1. Love ❤️ your blog! Happy Birthday 🥳🎉🥳

    1. Thank you lovely lady!! 💖

  2. Another home-run lovely lady & that “Time to haul royal ass!” meme – perfecto!! Thanks for the giggles; good to see you back on form 😊🌎☮️

    1. Thank you so much darling – I really appreciate your kind words always 💖

  3. Have a fabulous birthday and may every minute be enjoyable! Love reading your blog:)

    1. Thank you so much lovely! Appreciate it ❤️

  4. Have a fab time in France.

    1. Thank you so much! 💕

  5. Happy Birthday and have a wonderful holiday!

    1. Thank you lovely! 💕

  6. Wonderful round up as usual! Happy Birthday!!

    1. Thank you sweetheart! ❤️

  7. Love your posts…..enjoy your break 😍

    1. Thank you darling! 💖

  8. You so brilliantly choose your graphics. I’m still laughing at “time to haul royal ass.” Thanks for another wonderful read!

    1. 😂😂 thank you so much darling! ❤️

  9. Why does she clutch that baby instead of giving him to the nanny we know is hovering out of camera shot?

    Give the woman her due, she has a damned slick PR operation. The minute there’s a smidge of criticism, it swings into action, implying that anything other than MeAgain walks on water is racist and hateful. The Elton John rant was hilarious and just loved those pics of the ginger idiot being CARRIED.

    I’m really fed up of these two and a period of silence would be most welcome.

    1. Totally agree! It was abundantly clear that she doesn’t carry him very often – it was a photo op. I’m with you – sick of them all! Thank you for your comment ☺️💖

  10. Did you hear the rumour about her visit to that fashion shoot? You know the one where she was giggling like a deranged thing. Apparently the people there were told not to look her in the eye!

    While you’re in France why don’t you take La Guillotine out of storage!

    1. HAHAHAHAHA you have NO idea how much this made me laugh! 😂😂😂 I’ll be sure to bring it back in my hand luggage – do Britain a favour! 💖

  11. Wonderful read once again and spot on! I love that plane gif. Can you imagine Megs on such a plane ride to Africa!!!! Birthday wishes to you. As the Beatles would say: They say its your Birthday. Gonna Have a Good Time. Happy Birthday to You!

    1. Thank you lovely lady!! 😁💖

  12. Happy Birthday dearest Saffy !
    Today’s post was well worth the wait ! I don’t know how you manage to be so spot on and absolutely hilarious in equal measures ! 😂
    Read they’ve appointed a new PR guru ! Heaven help her, she’s got her work cut out for her ! Talk about bolting the stable door once the horse has bolted ! 😞
    Hope you have a wonderful fun filled holiday ! Xx

    1. Oh God, I know what you mean! Isn’t it an all-female, mostly American team? Lordy. Thanks for your comment lovely – really appreciate it! 💖

  13. Was getting worried there for a moment. Glad you’re back. Have fun darling and happy birthday 🎉🎂🎊;)

    1. Thank you darling!! 💖

  14. Happy Birthday! Mine was the day before yours! I got to go to Nice 2 summers ago (we live across the pond in Canada) and actually Spent my birthday in Monaco. I agree, everyone should experience Nice and it’s beaches. Was nice to not get sand in every crevice; although I must admit, those rocky beaches nearly did my dainty hooves in.

    Love that the Cambridges spent their break with Her Maj and Prince Phillip. I’d give anything to be able to take my kids to visit my grandparents again. Nice to see them making the most of the precious time William’s grandparents have left.

    1. Thank you lovely! Hope you had a great birthday also! 🧡 and totally agree with your comments about Nice – I did walk the beach in shoes though! And I love the fact they’re at Balmoral – good for them to be there and spend time with the Queen 😊

  15. Welcome back! Your post, as always, was awesome. Thanks!

    By the way, I’d love to hear your take on Meghan’s manic performance at that Smart Works shoot. She was high as a kite, either on coke or meth or speed, whatever, but she was on SOMETHING! I’m hearing whispers her entourage forbade anyone to look her in the eyes during that photo shoot, which was a stupid demand because Meghan was forcing people to look her in the eyes by hurling her body into theirs and hugging them close, etc. (Boy, I’ll bet the homeless women getting fitted for new clothes noticed her drugged state instantly. Drug addiction plays a significant part in the lives of homeless people, so in the ‘it-takes-one-to-know-one’ line those homeless women would have known instantly that Meghan was stoned out of her gourd.) Oh, well. Anyway, I’d genuinely love to read your take on this.

    In any case, welcome back! Also, Happy Birthday and have a wonderful trip to France! You deserve it! God bless.

    1. Thank you so much love! 💛 I did see smart works and may cover it next week – it was so weird! Her over the top laughter was too much. I’ll definitely have to cover it!

    2. The strange thing is that when she embraced the women at the photoshoot her hands barely touched their back. Such a strange person – she’s tuppence short of a shilling.

      1. She always does that – scared to touch the peasants 🙄 Kate has genuine warmth hugging people – Meghan does not.

  16. I’m new to your site, and I just wanted you to know…
    I 💕 it! You’re a treasure. Enjoy your trip to France!

    1. Thank you so much lovely – I really appreciate your kind words 🧡

  17. Belated Birthday Greetings! As always a wonderfully satirical view of La famillie Royale! Bon chance et s’amuser en France manger les fromages comme le brie, le boursin, la baguette fraîchement préparée et le vin sonne comme une façon fantastique de célébrer xxx

    1. Thank you lovely Kit Kat! I so appreciate it ❤️

  18. Happy happy birthday, and enjoy your holiday!

    It should surprise NO ONE that MM likes luxury things and would charter private jets. The quickest look at her old blog, the Tig, reveals that. She didn’t think twice about letting others pay her way back in the spring for a very lavish baby shower, a very “new money” move for someone who married into one of the “oldest money” families in the world. When her PR leaked that she considered it “boastful” to be on the cover of a magazine (even though she herself has done this in the past) she did not correct this statement but let it hang in the air like a dagger directed at Kate and Diana. To borrow from another blog I read, any criticism of her is disabled by cries of discrimination.

    Other blogs are highly critical of Thomas Markle and deem him a narcissist, but if they’d revisit their Abnormal Psych notes they’d recall that narcissists are usually the product of a narcissist parent. They learn early on to split off from their emotions (again, borrowing from another blog) and sense that others can be useful to them or in their way. They also cannot tolerate shame, ever, which manifests itself in statements such as “MM is riding above the private jet debacle.” A more prudent PR move would be for her and Harry to recognize the hypocrisy in taking private jets after preaching for months about the environment.

  19. Fantastic post! This whole saga reminds me of the movie ‘Soap Dish’ with Sally Fields and Kevin Klein. I just can’t stop watching. It’s so ridiculously bad it’s funny.

  20. Fantastic post! This whole PH/MM saga reminds me of the movie ‘Soap Dish’ with Sally Fields and Kevin Kline. It’s so ridiculously idiotic it’s funny, but they don’t understand why. I can’t stop watching. 😂

  21. Whoops! Posted the wrong one!

  22. Thanks for another hilarious post. Still laughing over the Elton John pic. Have a lovely holiday.

    1. Thank you darling! 💖

  23. Elton John’s statement was probably written by Meghan.

    1. Hahahaha that wouldn’t surprise me!

  24. Meghan probably offered to write Elton’s statement before she left just in case it was needed.

  25. Elizabeth Howatt avatar
    Elizabeth Howatt

    OMG. Your posts make hilarious reading. Saffy, you give joy to the world

  26. I love your posts! Always hilarious and right on target! I was glad to see you back! 😃. I hope you have a very happy birthday trip. 🎂 🎉💐 Relax and celebrate YOU!!

  27. Spot on and hilarious! Great job Saffy! Happy Birthday!

  28. Thank you for your thoughts, eloquently written. I was totally engaged.
    One for the future – if Megamega goes to the wedding of Chelsey & Harry maybe she’ll announce another pregnancy, just to take the focus away from the happy couple.
    Looking forward so much to your next edition.

  29. Hi,

    did you read the Daily Mail today?

    Harry and Meghan swap jet-set lifestyle for £15 pub roast with Archie

    You have to love the comment from someone who spotted them who said Meghan cradled Archie the whole time and the baby did not make a sound or cry….. I do believe they are using a doll and Archie either does not exist or harry and Meghan have not got their hands on Archie yet and he is still with the surrogate.

  30. Erica Mcnaughton avatar
    Erica Mcnaughton

    Thank you for a very interesting read. Im a new subscriber, i love our queen and our royal family.
    However words fail me as yo how Prince Harry has been hoodwinked and taken in by Me Again!!! She acts like a spoiled brat, and her shenanigans cost us the public dearly. Harry doesnt look at all well, he has lost his cheeky personality. She has changed him. Should never have married her!!! She brings nothing but embarrassment to our Royal Family. From clutching her tummy to crushing baby Archie the dolly to her chest. Our poor Queen must be horrified, as we the public are. What a carry on.
    Thank goodness we have Price William and the beautiful graceful Kate.

  31. What is it with her cuddling the baby all the time? according to the Daily Mail (yeah, I know), they went for lunch at a local pub and she was cradling the baby most of the time. Is there a Mother of The Year award coming up?

    1. And apparently it was all another LIE. They weren’t there at ALL yet these people went into detail of everything from what they are to how quiet Archie was. All a fraud storey they thought wouldn’t come out as false. Let’s see how they did out of this or better yet, who they pay to say they had no idea.

    2. THIS is what really gets me about Meghan. Her arrogance. Only an arrogant person would have fed us such a stupid clumsy lie. If Meghan had had the least respect for our intelligence, she’d have handled this pub lie totally differently . If she’d respected us, she’d have made sure her lie was sound and good; for instance, she’d have called up the pub and spoken to the owner, made him an offer he couldn’t refuse. In exchange for free publicity (she could even have paid him), the pub owner would have not just gone along with her lie but would have embellished on it. And she could have arranged for a couple that looked like her to take a small room at the back, with the couple’s backs to the cameras to make it look as if they were Sparkles and Haz, etc. In other words, Meghan would have done SOMETHING to make her lie believable. But instead? She didn’t do a damned thing – no calls to the pub, no fake photos, no fake couple, etc., nothing. We weren’t worth it. Meghan considered us so damned stupid she didn’t lift a finger to convince us, she just tossed her blatantly false lie in our faces and walked off, expecting us to swallow it whole and give her applause. Well, there’s no applause. There’s just anger at having been treated like morons. THAT’S what really hurts about her lies – it’s not that they’re lies, it’s that they’re the kind of lies you only feed to idiots, not to smart people. She thinks we’re idiots. No, Meghan doesn’t think, she KNOWS we’re idiots, not worth making an effort for.

      The arrogance of that woman.

  32. Joyeux anniversaire ! Enjoy your stay in France and thank you so much for this blog. It’s always so funny and to the point! Love it!

  33. This was your first blog I read and I was dying with laughter. Everything is so spot on. I’m an American (sorry) & Megain is a total embarrassment. Now I’m addicted to your blog ada I will spend all night reading them, no doubt! Happy Birthday from NY USA 🎂🎉🎈
    PS there baby coming off that ✈️ is the size of Price Louis & it’s legs never move from the position as is he’s standing. Darren needs a tune up.

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: