Royal round-up: 21st July

Happy Sunday guys! Well I’ve gotta be honest – royal week was fairly quiet this time around so admittedly, I’m really pulling things out of my backside to discuss, but sometimes I feel that’s half the fun. 

Come on Meghan, help a hater out

However, there are a couple of nuggets that do always surface, so without further ado, let’s begin the royal review:

The Lion King premiere

You know when you’re just lost for words? Yeah, it’s one of those times. So I’ll just quote Zazu instead:

“There’s one in every family, sire. Two in mine, actually. And they always manage to ruin special occasions.” – Zazu

I think he may have been talking about Harry and Meghan, but I’m not trying to stir up shit or anything.

But yes, with the premiere of course comes this week’s instalment of “Just What The Fuck Was Meghan Wearing?”

I have to be honest, it wasn’t the worst item of clothing she’s ever worn (though the competition for that prize is fairly fierce) – but still – it was hardly a winner.

The sheer neckline was daring enough, but what on earth was with the pushed up cleavage? It honestly looked like her chest was struggling to breathe – totally and completely squished in. It didn’t fit her properly at all. Does Harry not tell her she looks ridiculous before they leave the house?

Meghan’s compressed cleavage – although I believe she owns a hat that looks like this too

On top of that as well, I wasn’t sure about the leather-look skirt part of the dress. It just looked rigid and uncomfortable and I’m never sure why anybody wears material like this for skirts or dresses either; they freeze you when you’re cold and stick to your arse when you’re hot – hardly my idea of fun. 

But with that aside, we must remember that no Meghan and Harry outing is complete without the Sussex Death Grip, which made another appearance last Sunday. 

Honestly, if Scar had held onto Mufasa like that during the stampede, he might’ve survived 

I do suspect this had a lot to do with the stilt-like heels Meghan had squeezed her feet into, as it was abundantly clear early on that she couldn’t walk in them at all, but then again, it’s hard to tell what the reasons are anymore. 

Then came the biggest shit show of all… the meeting of the Sussexes and the Carters. 

I swear it’s a toss up between Meghan and Beyoncé who loves themselves more. 

The most vomit-inducing moment was when Beyoncé greeted Meghan with “hi, my princess”.

Beyonce looks at Meghan the way I look at a glass of wine after a long day at work

Please – don’t inflate this woman’s already massive head anymore. She won’t be able to fit through the doors in Buckingham Palace at this rate (which might bode quite well for the rest of the BRF, but anyway…)

“Yeah, good luck getting her in for the next Trooping The Colour, Harry!”

Harry asked Beyoncé how the twins were (whatever the fuck their names are), where Beyoncé was quick off the mark to say they hadn’t travelled with them because “they didn’t always go everywhere with their parents”. 

I’d bet in actual fact they don’t go anywhere with their parents at all and probably see more of them through a TV screen than at home. 

I’m sure that’s the core bond between the Sussexes and the Carters – neither couple actually takes care of their kids.

“Yeah, our children barely recognise us either!”

And on top of all of this fuckery, I’m feeling like I should add “Just What The Fuck Was Beyoncé Wearing?” and “Just What The Shit Did Jay-Z Do To His Hair?” sections.

I would also say it’s inappropriate to have your fanny half out in a dress in front of royalty, but seeing as I don’t consider Harry and Meghan as royals, she may as well have gone stark naked for all I care.

Still… the dress wasn’t nice. 

I did also get a good laugh when it was reported that people attending the premiere were read a list of “rules and protocol” before meeting Harry and Meghan. Well, I can take a guess at what that looked like:

1) Don’t block any cameras that are pointed directly at Meghan 

2) Don’t mention Harry’s loss of hair since getting married; wisecracks such as “Archie has more than you already!” will result in a swift removal from the premises 

3) Don’t ask Meghan why she looks more pregnant now than when she was actually “pregnant”

4) Don’t ask how the Cambridges are doing – you know damn well they never see them

5) Don’t ask them to pass on any birthday presents for Prince George; when this was mentioned during a press briefing, Meghan asked “who?”

6) Don’t talk about yourself for more than three seconds at any given time; allow the Sussexes the opportunity to talk about their house renovations/baby/wedding that happened a year ago/charity work they’re passionate about/etc – even if you don’t give a shit 

7) Don’t ask Meghan how her dad is

8) Certainly don’t ask her how her sister is

9) Don’t ask Meghan how much her dress cost the taxpayer 

10) Please do not discuss “yachts” or “salad tossing”, or it will be ‘off with one’s head’

Other than that – chat away! 

“They don’t make it easy”

In an exchange with Pharrell at the Lion King premiere, it’s believed that when the musician “praised Meghan on her relationship with Prince Harry” (because she’s apparently the first woman to ever get married), Meghan responded with “thank you, they don’t make it easy.”

Interesting choice of words Meghan. 

First of all, who is “they”? The media? The public? Because I thought you didn’t read any press about yourself, or is that just another lie in a long stream of bullshit?

 Secondly, do please tell us what aspects of your life aren’t “easy”? 

You don’t work a normal job. 

You live off the taxpayer and spend money like it’s water.

You have several homes and a nanny on hand to take care of the baby. 

All you have to do for “work” is attend sporting events and movie premieres.

You have access to the best things money can buy. 

So do excuse us for questioning this, but where is this strife you’re apparently experiencing?

Honey – it’s not our fault that you have done shit all since setting foot on UK soil and haven’t endeared yourself to the public in the last two years.
I think you’ll find that any trouble you’re experiencing is your own doing, and if you’re digging in the bins for sympathy from the public, you’ll be scraping those bags of shit for a while.

We do apologise if you feel that we’re not “making things easy” for you – please, do have more of our tax money. 

Amsterdam Waxworks 

This isn’t even news in theory, I just want to know what the fuck happened here.  

Some museum in Amsterdam has created some rather frightening waxworks of Meghan and Harry for some unknown reason, and just being frank, there are some things you really can’t unsee.

Should probably lend Meghan that pram, as she clearly couldn’t afford one for the polo match

I think they’ve got Meghan down quite well, ski slope nose and veneers especially, but what is happening with Harry?

I guess the overly fat head is a good artistic reference to how over-inflated it is these days, so they got one thing right at least.

Or no, perhaps two things; they captured the hand-in-the-jacket pose quite well too, likely to represent Harry hiding what’s left of it, after nearly two years of trying to keep it out of Meghan’s Death Grip. 

Meghan’s hair also being slightly messy at the back is also a true likeness I feel, so perhaps I was too quick off the mark with my criticism. As scary as they are, they’ve actually done quite a good job. 

Perhaps they should trot the mannequins out for future public engagements? They certainly have more charisma and are far less annoying than the real Gruesome Twosome, that’s for sure. 

Perez Hilton 

So scrolling through Twitter yesterday, I saw this absolute bullshit from Perez Hilton – another odious character who doesn’t know his head from his arse. 

I don’t even know where to begin with this one, but those of you who follow me on Twitter may have seen my retweet and comment in response to this:

I mean really, the “royal family are not her employers”? I think you’ll find they actually are, hun. 

She receives money from the British taxpayer to be an ambassador for Great Britain and she’s spectacularly fucking that one up so far too, so yes, people will comment as they see fit. 

His comments are just so juvenile, I do have to laugh. 

“Meghan’s got the ring AND the baby!”

So what? That means they can’t ever divorce because she’s wearing a piece of (re-designed) jewellery and popped a sprog out? Well fuck me, I didn’t know it was a binding contract. The divorce courts must be closing down all over the nation.

My parents were married for 22 years and had two kids – they’re not together anymore. It didn’t cause either of them to evaporate on the spot.

And “do what you want boo”?

Well, thanks for your permission Perez – didn’t know you were the fucking monarch and in charge of what members of the BRF can and can’t do.

Nope – no longer can she “do what she wants” – although she certainly tries her luck. 

She married into an institution that stands for tradition and has a thousand-year old history behind it, so I’m sure The Queen and many others will be buggered if some low-rent American actress is going to scupper that with her big-spending and middle finger to the public. 

I feel like I should point out that I saw Britney Spears on the Circus tour ten years ago now, and Perez did the intro video; my favourite part was when the fabulous Britney entered the circus tent and fired an arrow right through his head. What a shame that stunt didn’t go horribly wrong – we’d be spared this bullshit now.

No it’s ok Hilton – keep your comments to yourself. Or failing that, do please take “boo” back to California and fund her lifestyle yourself if you’re so supportive of her stupid behaviour – she won’t be missed and neither will you. 

Well that’s all for this week, folks; on a closing (lighter) note, I would very much like to wish HRH Prince George of Cambridge a very happy 6th birthday for tomorrow! (How quickly has that gone?!)

Word on the street is that William and Catherine have taken the kids to Mustique to celebrate, so I hope he’s having a fab time in the sunshine with his siblings. Have a good one, Prince George! 🎁🎉🎈

See you all next week! 💋

39 responses to “Royal round-up: 21st July”

  1. Wonderful post!

    I’m enjoying Megain’s absence from the limelight, but we do need fodder for next week, so someone open a tin of tuna!

    The wax duo are super freaky. Don’t look too long or the MM figure can steal your soul.

    1. Hahahaha thank you my love! 💖 and I agree – terrifying waxwork! Nightmares tonight for sure…

  2. Edwina Lindeman avatar
    Edwina Lindeman

    Reeeeeaaaallly enjoy your blog!
    Still trying to wrap my around why things have been allowed to get this far. I mean what the what???
    Would dearly love to see her excommunicated from the RF. And yes many happy’s to HRH Prince George. Lovely lad;)

    1. Thank you so much! 💖 I have no idea what’s going on. I’m still betting the BRF are just letting Harry and Meghan make total arses of themselves, but still – it’s not good for the family’s image. No idea why they’re not being reigned in. Perhaps the BRF figures the marriage won’t last anyway, so they’re just riding this one out.

      1. The future of the Sussex couple is actually in the hands of the citizens…”the race is not to the swift nor the battle to the strong” but time & chance happens to them “all”…evil falls suddenly…who can say when…never underestimated the power of an angry mob

      2. I believe the Crown has let the Sussex couple go too far…their future is now left to citizens of UK…never underestimate the power of an angry mob…”the race is not to the swift nor the battle to the strong but time & chance happens to us all”…evil falls suddenly…who can say when…

      3. I totally agree, but I do feel her days are numbered… we will see very soon, I’m sure.

  3. Perez Hilton is the biggest joke we have on this side of the pond. He is irrelevant and his 15 minutes has been up for YEARS. NOBODY takes his stupid ass seriously.

    1. Totally agree! I have no idea what he’s still doing around. Nobody has ever given a shite about him.

      1. My favorite was when he got threatened by all the Hollywood stars and told to stop being such a jerk. I did love it when he was brave and drew dicks on everybody’s faces when he’d gossip about them. But now? Nah, he’s a joke and completely irrelevant, much like Megan will be in the future.

    2. After a weekend of being angrily assulted by the Sussex’s Cult Following on Twitter I must say I’m quite disgusted with both Harry & Meghan. They began an assault on my friend and author, David Seow, a writer of children’s books for making criticism (not vicious or mean, more constructive). They sent him into a mental breakdown. They have tried to ruin his character, his livelihood and reputation! They have reached out to every social media outlet, including sale of his new book including the Sussex’s dog on Amazon giving the book bad reviews. The Sussexs’ MUST know this nasty tribe exists and attacks the weak and vulnerable and they let it continue! I am sickened and have lost all respect for both of them. Check out Crown Chronicles on Twitter! By the way I love your article! And wishing Prince George a very Happy Birthday ☺️

  4. Hi, great post today as always. Did you see that ridiculous article in the mail about Meghan seeing the local bowling club play and deciding to go over to them and watch. It is funny no one took any photos of the occasion because of course no one carries a camera phone these days do they???? I think this is just a made up story to convince people Meghan is staying in Frogmore Cottage and not Kensington Palace which is what I read last week.

    1. Thank you lovely! 💖 and no I didn’t; but I’ll fish it out. It could be useful for next week!! And I agree with your reasoning – probably just to make it seem like she’s in Windsor. Who knows anything anymore..:

  5. Also, did you see the article about Meghan writing for Vogue magazine. I can imagine it is true and no one in her camp has had the courtesy of asking BP for permission or what they think.

    1. I did! I was going to post on it last week but had so much material, I didn’t want to overdo it. Might include it in next week’s!

    2. The article about her writing for Vogue was a trial balloon in the same pile of merde as that invitation to Doria for Christmas at Sandrigham. Or even the rumour that she was very nearly a Bond Girl before she met Harry. Her very public response to the Vogue column rumour indicates that there might have been some veracity to it, BUT Buckingham Palace shut it down. Harpers Bazaar, a notorious Meghan mouthpiece publication, wrote an article saying she had decided to turn down the vogue columns because she had work to do in the royal family and she cared about her responsibilities to the royal family – words almost verbatim.

  6. I think the worst thing about the Lion King premiere was that Harry had been invited to a memorial of the Deal Marines who had died 30 years ago. The invitation was sent a year ago but KP had responded that Prince Harry could not plan an engagement a year in advance. That is interesting because when Eugenie and Jack got married the Duchess of Cornwall still managed to honour a long standing engagement to a school in Scotland, so why could n’t Harry honour an engagement for the Deal Marines who were killed in an IRA bomb, by the same terrorists who also killed his great uncle Lord Louis. Also, Prince Philip stood down as colonel/head of the Marines and was replaced by Prince Harry. I wonder what Prince Philip would have to say of a grandson who preferred to attend a premiere of a Disney cartoon and rub shoulders with celebrities rather than honour the assasinated Marines and their friends and family. I can only wonder the Meghan and Harry horrors we will be treated to next week.

  7. Brilliant as usual, Saffy.
    I nearly wet myself laughing over the wax works. Looks more like a young Henry VIII than Harry the spare. And Smeg-head’s has more warmth and is actually more believeable as a human being than her.

    I saw the Perez thing, made my blood boil. But, we must remember, the man did not become ‘famous’ because of his intelligence.

    I’m so hoping when she does eventually fuck off we can all have the street parties that no one bothered with when they married!
    Side note – WTF has been going off on twitter? It seems like everyone is turning on one another. Kept myself out of it for the most part, but jeesh! I keep getting the feeling MM has sent in undercover sugars to start dissension and discredit our side.

    1. You beat me to it! I was going to say that the wax figure looks actually more confident and less desperate/conniving/camera hungry/self-important than the real MM.

      1. Hahahaha totally!

    2. Thank you my love! 💕 I’d join that street party for sure! 😂😂 and I’m not sure about twitter… sadly there have been divides here and there and it’s rather upsetting. I hope it all evens itself out soon.

  8. Markle and Harry are the perpetual gift that keeps on giving to those who don’t want it anymore. They really can do no right at this point. Going to a movie opening instead of a military memorial is indefensible. Was it worth it, Markle? Your dress didn’t even fit. Did you notice Queen Beyonce’s condescending gaze upon you, “Princess”? lol. “They don’t make it easy”…WTF, Markle, what were you thinking when you uttered this? It exposed you as an ungrateful liar who has stated previously you didn’t read any (negative) press about yourself. Your new Foundation is looking suspect with Sara Latham at the helm of this Arizona registered “charity”. Harry has kicked out the press during a recent appearance. This couple is an embarrassment to the BRF with their entitled, deceptive and outrageous behaviour. Here’s hoping someone will break their NDA and expose them for what they really are: an ineffective, petulant Prince and a domineering nouveau riche who both seem to despise anything British and represent only their Brand.You’re spending other people’s hard earned money, guys. What a farce this pair is.

    1. Totally agree with everything you’ve said! All her lies are coming back to bite her in the arse now and serves her right. They can try and build their own brand – it’ll never work and it’ll certainly never take off. It’ll flop, just like their marriage will before long.

      1. COB, your post is always on point and a welcome breath of common sense among the stench that surrounds the hypocrisy and deceit of Team Markle. It puzzles many of us that what seems glaringly, gut-wrenchingly obvious about these two is being concealed and euphemized by their PR. The scrubbed Forbes article about Markle is a blatant example of Big Brother decimating freedom of speech. Getting too close to the truth about her, no doubt. Staff have apparently called her a Degree Wife. Let’s hope it is an accelerated program of study lasting well below 3 years. Looking forward to your next brilliant post!

  9. bloomsbury101 avatar

    Thank you for another great post. Love reading them over my Monday morning coffee. I think Markle will do a Jackie Onassis before too long. Harry is just a stepping stone until she meets a billionaire, free of the constraints of the RF. I can see the announcement now. She and Harry will remain best friends, but she couldn’t fulfill her humanitarian destiny within the Protocols of the RF. Love the scary mannequins. They really nailed her.

    1. Thank you so much! 💖 and I totally agree – she’ll move on to someone where she can live a life of luxury without the restraints of being a royal. She has the title now and the global platform, so she’ll move on before long – 100%.

      1. bloomsbury101 avatar

        Let’s hope so. My husband says there should be two editions of the newspaper, with one being a Markle-free edition. She’s getting worse by the day.

  10. Did anyone else read the reports from over the ‘Pond’ that our American friends, are disappointed in how ‘their’ Princess is being treated ! Simple answer, they can have her back ! No loss to the UK ! But as we know, gullible Harry, who is still believing she married him for love ! Wants his cake and eat it too ! My 85yr old Gran, said on the day of their wedding, ‘if he emptied the bins for a living, she wouldn’t have looked twice at him’ !
    Saffy another BRILLIANT and hilarious post ! x

    1. Thank you my love! ❤️ And your gran is totally correct! She would never have been interested. Harry is blind for now but I think even he is slowly coming to his senses. I wonder if he has known what she’s like all along, but was so desperate for the family unit and kids, that he chose to ignore it all. And if America are so upset, like you say, they can have her back! Let’s see how interested they are once she heads back to the USA and does her non-stop tv appearances and interviews. They’ll be fed up for sure!

      1. This American thinks MM is being treated much better than she deserves and is hoping her behavior & lies come back to bite her in the butt. She has a group of stans who think that she can do nothing wrong, and that anything negative said about her is due to racism, xenophobia, &/or misogyny. And of course jealousy. Unfortunately the American media, for the most part, plays right into it & encourages it.

      2. Oh no! We don’t want her back! Most Americans are not fans and are not impressed. The majority of her supporters here are teen girls.

    2. Hi, Anna. I knew of her from Suits but none of my friends (here in the U.S.) knew anything about her prior to their marriage. That woman is nobody’s princess except maybe at one time Daddy’s little princess and those days are long gone. It looks like she has positioned herself to represent certain causes and I guess the criticism comes from people pushing that agenda. Thanks for offering her back but I’m hoping she heads for another country after they part ways.

  11. People like Perez Hilton and Meg represent the F-U-get-what-I-can-get mentality. Sadly, there is no sense of duty or loyalty. All I have to do is look at the behavior of her sugars to see the kind of people she attracts. Another great read. Thanks for the time and effort you put into your blog.

    1. Thank you so much! I really appreciate that 💖 and I totally agree – her fans are a clear representation of the type of person she is and who she attracts. It all speaks volumes in my opinion.

  12. As ever another brilliant take on the two faker takers of the RF. Each day that passes makes me more concerned FOR our wonderful Royal Family with this duo parading around as if they own the world. The outfit worn by Markle couldn’t have been much worse, how does she think she really looks? Do they not posses a mirror? I wouldn’t be caught DEAD in such a gruesome piece. Then we move to Harry – not a real bow tie but a clip on one – it shows how little respect he has for anything. But then, MM couldn’t tie a bow tie could she? Something that Catherine doe with ease & I suspect a bit of joy, knowing her husband will be looking the best possible when representing the RF and our Monarch Queen Elizabeth II.

    Grandparents are very wise, and in both cases the two boys asked their grandfather about the woman they have chosen to marry – PP seemed happy that W had taken time to allow Kate to learn how it f eels to be a member of the RF & that W was settling in with K, she had managed to ignore the paparazzi & is rarely caught out of the RF Protocols and has done nothing but grow into her role – supporter of her husband and of the RF. Harry chose to ignore his grandfather’s comments & is now stuck with a wanton woman who doesn’t give a sh*t for this country, our RF or anything unless she is getting something out of it. If H&M continue in their current trend they could rip the RF apart.

    But then, I look at it – It is still standing after Diana, After Fergie & after Andy. So it is made of stronger stuff. Let’s hope Harry sees the mistakes he has made with this trollop, gets a divorce & maybe does what he wanted to do some 10 yrs ago – return to the army, or go to Africa for the charities he created, following in his Mother’s steps. I want Harry to be happy – something he most definitely is NOT at the moment.

  13. Harper’s Bazaar has treated us to MM’s 10 most inspirational quotes. More word salad, and bizarre indeed.

  14. Did you see the two stories in the DM? 2.56pm ’George, Charlotte and Louis didn’t meet their cousin archive for TWO MONTHS and we’re first introduced to him at charity polo match royal expert claims
    5.34pm duchesses ’end rift’ after Kate supported Meghan in run up to Archies birth – and now they exchange ’frequent texts about motherhood’, royal expert claims.

    You cannot make this stuff up. Obviously Meghan’s pr is working over time.

    1. I did indeed and it’s all being penned for tomorrow 😉 biggest pile of crap I’ve ever read in my life!

      1. What about the story today? Harry and Meghan ban neighbours from talking to royals

        Or this?

        Queen will advise Meghan on how to avoid PR blunders

        RICHARD EDEN: Duchess of Sussex will guest edit Vogue

        Or the other ridiculous story in the sun or the daily star, about how the queen would die happy knowing that she was leaving the BRF in a good state because of the popularity of Meghan.

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