Royal round-up: 14th July

Happy Sunday folks! I’m out of Twitter jail, it’s that time of the week again and as I am dashing out the door for a boozy brunch with my best mate, I will leave you with this week’s royal round up!

Meghan’s Wimbledon seating 

So I’m assuming you all saw the total fuckery that was Meghan Markle taking over about forty seats at Wimbledon and then having her security tell some guy off for photographing her, even though she had no issue with the other wall of media doing so? Yep – I’m sure you all saw it.

I would like to say I was shocked by her behaviour, but let’s face it – none of us are shocked by any of her self-important antics by now. I kind of pity her for needing to go to such lengths to make herself feel like she’s relevant, but then again, I guess they needed the entire section for her ego alone.

Really?

The following photo made me laugh for so many reasons:

The first of which being, you can definitely tell she’s not at all listening to what the person next to her is saying, but is more interested in hearing what the security guard is telling the poor bloke with the phone. Her smug expression said it all really. 

“Shut up – I’m trying to listen to this dude inflate my sense of self-importance, and I can’t hear over your gibbering.”

Secondly, it was the fact that she came dressed like a prat and then demanded a whole section to herself, as though most of the people going to Wimbledon would want to share a seating area with her anyway. 

I think it’s pretty clear by now that most people cannot stand her, and would rather contract swine flu than sit within ten yards of Markle’s smug mug.

Meghan and Kate at the polo  

Fuck me – where on Earth do I start with this one?

Ok, I think I know where – has this woman held a baby before? Sorry no wait – has she held OWN CHILD before? 

In my near twenty-six years on this planet, I have never seen a woman so completely uncomfortable holding her own baby. 

At first glance of the above, I genuinely thought the paparazzi had mistakenly got a photo of me hoofing a sack of potatoes on my way back from Tesco after a long day at work.

“You’re comfortable, right Archie?”

But no, on closer inspection it was a woman who has allegedly had two months to bond with her baby and learn how to hold him properly, but doesn’t appear to have done.

I’m betting the nanny is the one doing all the holding, and Meghan did a quick five-minute rehearsal in front of the mirror that morning before stepping out in front of the cameras.

“Should probably have given it another ten minutes, to be fair.”

Secondly – has she heard of a SLING? Or a stroller? In the lead up to Archie arriving, we heard they’d had some fancy Silver Cross (or some other ridiculously expensive) pram delivered to Frogmore for him, so begs the question, why on Earth isn’t she using it?

She instead chose to stand for a good few hours, holding a heavy baby (like she was going to drop him), and all for what?

This echoes of me some years ago holding a family friend’s newborn baby for the first time; I wanted to “support her head” as much as possible, so decided to elevate my left elbow to almost chest level in order to do this.

Well, needless to say – she fell asleep on me and I was stuck like that for two hours, resulting in me almost needing my arm amputated by the time I was finally able to hand her back to her parents. 

So how Meghan carted Archie around like that for hours, I don’t know. 

She was struggling. We could all see it. But I suppose for the sake of the cameras, she was willing to suffer.

Secondly – we begin Part 1 of this week’s “Just What The Fuck Was Meghan Wearing?”

Yeah – even Kate has second hand embarrassment

It looked an awful lot like a plastic hutch cover I got for my rabbit one year when it snowed and I wanted to keep him warm.

Just £45.00 from Pets At Home!
That’s right, Meghan – I can merch too

Or like the marquee my Aunty Jane pops up in the garden during BBQs, determined to protect her cocktail sausages from the inevitable British rain.

It looked an awful lot to me like she was trying to hide her stomach. I don’t think she’s lost the baby weight yet, so she’s trying her utmost to hide it under items such as tent-like clothing, or y’know, her two-month-old baby – which is why I suspect her son was being held halfway down her torso the entire time.

The Cambridge kids didn’t interact with her once either, which was rather telling.

 Oh but wait – there was this rather special moment when Louis donned his Mum’s sunglasses and stuck his tongue out at Aunty Meghan – just doing what his mother would like to, but can’t.

“You’re not the only one who can throw shade, bitch.”

A sibling for Archie?

The utter horror.

I’ve actually read this week that Meghan and Harry are “keen to give Archie a sibling as soon as possible” – something that I think we all saw coming a mile off anyway.

Though they did get the wording wrong; I think what they meant to say was “Meghan is keen to increase her divorce settlement as soon as possible.”

Make it rain!

I have said all along that I think Sussex Spawn Number Two will be on it’s way by summer/autumn next year, but I’m starting to think it may be earlier than that. 

I do wonder if maybe the reason Meghan isn’t making an effort to shed the baby weight is because she’s planning on getting pregnant again as soon as possible.

She’s also pushing forty, so I’m sure she’s aware that her biological clock is ticking rather loudly and time is running out to pump out another drain on taxpayer funds.

And, you know – because two months post-pregnancy, she now has absolutely no clue now what to do with her hands. 

Meghan and Kate at Wimbledon 

Lots of outings for Meghan and Kate together in the last week – which I’m sure Kate absolutely loved.

“Yeah – fucking thrilled.”

Yes, on Saturday, Kate, Meghan and Pippa headed to Wimbledon together for the women’s final to watch Serena Williams take on Simona Halep. 

Meghan, now probably fancying herself as a tennis coach too, headed over to see Serena before the match in her changing room – probably to give her a pep talk or see if there  was anything she could merch for her.

Of course, she made sure she was photographed leaving the changing room too – you know, just in case there was any doubt they were friends. 

I half expected Meghan to walk out onto court holding Serena’s hand, if I’m honest. 

Maybe when her and Harry divorce, they could use her as a ball girl or something – just so she can make sure she’s still secured an invite.

So much for being her lucky charm hun – Serena had her arse handed to her.

Next, I must also turn your attention to Part 2 of “What The Fuck Was Meghan Wearing?”

Honestly– the only word for this get up was “abomination”:

It was Pippa’s turn to feel some secondhand embarrassment

While I’m pleased to see she’s re-wearing items, I’m not pleased to see that item is the hideous waitress-style shirt she wore to the Endeavour Awards back in February this year, where I momentarily mistook her as one of the bar staff. 

As for the skirt, please don’t get me started.

Meghan – when we said “recycle clothes”, we didn’t mean fashioning them from The Queen’s Sandringham curtains or an old rug the Cambridges threw out. 

Please woman, if you listen to any advice ever – PLEASE invest in a stylist. It’s abundantly clear by now that you can’t manage this on your own, so please stop trying.

Guys, I’m not joking, I’m actually starting to think the jeans and blazer look was better, if not wholly inappropriate. 

The skirt was frumpy and the belt she had around her middle did her no favours at all, only making her rather boxy torso look even thicker. I don’t like to body-shame, but I was getting major Spongebob vibes.

The whole fake display of unity was also rather nauseating; while the internet wet it’s knickers over Kate, Meghan and Pippa “hanging out” at Wimbledon together, anybody with eyes saw an uncomfortable Duchess, a woman all too aware of the cameras on her and a younger sister fucked off at having a Z-list actress separate her and her sibling during the match.

“You’re probably wondering how I got here.”
“Yeah – I fucking am.”

Well tonight is the premiere of The Lion King which Harry and Meghan, who seems to have forgotten what “maternity leave” means, will be attending. 

After our poor princess had to re-wear items of clothing yesterday, I’m sure she’s in desperate need of a £30,000 bespoke Givenchy gown for tonight – yep, Spenderella will be back on her A-game I’m sure and I’ll be covering it all next week.

Until then my lovelies – have a fab week ahead and I’ll see you same time next week!

51 thoughts on “Royal round-up: 14th July

  1. Another spectacular post!

    My first thought at polo was “where’s the pram?” too. Why would anyone – especially someone unaccustomed to holding a baby – clutch at that poor doll for three long hours?

    You said it best about her Wimbledon outfits… but that thing by Georgia Tent & Awning! And why does she look like she’s 8 months gone one day and the next as if that bump has disappeared almost entirely? Did she get the bellies mixed up? It’s confusing.

    See you next week! 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Another brilliant post,COB. Do you think she is REALLY pregnant now?? When she was “pregnant”, her bump would be inflated/deflated at will and the rest of her would stay pre-pregnant slim status. Still trying to figure out how she could squat in 4 inch heels and pop back up without falling over….Now that she’s “had” the baby, she looks even more pregnant than previously, especially in her face and limbs, like it should have been the first time, lol. Even the baby’s size seems bigger than his dates. ?WTF is going on? Her initial appearance at Wimbledon with her 40-seat no-touch zone was OTT and made her even more unlikeable. She still looks like the help when she is side-by-side with Kate. What a train wreck. She will never fit in the BRF.

    Liked by 9 people

      1. I don’t think she’s hiding a mum tum. I think she’s trying to look like someone that would have one post pregnancy…that fits better with her ‘I was pregnant’ narraitve. I do agree she looks more pregnant post Archie’s entrance into the world, but I think it’s fillers or something in her face after it was so glaringly obvious she wasn’t ever pregnant. I think she’s trying to do some serious PR damage control.
        Oh and yes…why not use a pram? I guess it’s due to more photo opportunities if the kid is on her rather than in his pram where he can’t be seen.
        It’s all so fishy! Something is definitely odd here!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I love your post.I had a good laugh.Thanks for your blog.I find it really entertaining and funny.Keep it up.
    I think she didn’t use stroller as she perhaps afraid there were drones taking photos of her precious baby .lol

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yep! I think she was holding his face against her chest so the photographers could not get a clear picture of it. Seems they want to have control over all photos taken of their little one.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Look forward to your posts so much – you have a wonderful way with words. Can’t wait to see what happens at the Lion King tonight, she’ll be all over Bey and Z like a rash.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Hello! Enjoyed your write up greatly. LOL of the rabbit cage cover comparison! So funny! I was surprised MM didn t sit in the middle of the 40 empty seats to have a wider birth from the peasants. That whole episode really made my mouth drop. And as for the polo match, good god. I have never held one of my babies like that except maybe for a second as I was trying to adjust my little person. That was strange. The most obvious sign of no closeness between DoC and DoS is Kate never held Archie or cooed at him. What mother doesn t want to hold a newborn? Or, that MM didn t chit-chat with Louis and let him see Archie up close. Just none of the social things ‘family’ do when together. All so strange.

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Thank you sweetheart 💖 and I know! I found the lack of interaction between her and Kate rather interesting too. The Cambridge kids couldn’t give a shit about Meghan and Kate didn’t attempt to look at Archie once. Very odd indeed…

      Liked by 2 people

  6. I am so grateful to have stumbled upon your brilliant blog. Besides being wickedly funny, you are so spot on with your observations! I have been trolling DM for the Lion King outing and it is quite obvious that the Sussex trolls are out in full force. There are ONLY glowing reports about how beautiful Me-Me is and what an asset she is and what a breath of fresh air that she allows Beyonce to embrace her, blah, blah, blag dee blah. Interestingly though, there were majority red arrows on these comments. I don’t know who was the biggest fashion mess, Me-Me, Beyonce or Jay- Z. Harry looked the best, but even with him there was something off. Anyway, can’t wait for your next post. I am now a HUGE fan, now that I have found your blog!!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you so much darling! 💖 and I know!! I was looking at the daily mail comments last night and it was abundantly clear most of those were being written by her paid cronies… I actually screen capped loads to put in next week’s blog. They were so obviously written by her PR as she looked terrible and the comments on the DM are NEVER that favourable. Looking forward to covering that one next week 😉

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  7. I think you are quite unfair and unkind to make nasty comments about how a woman is caring for/ looking after her child and also about her post-baby weight. Especially since you have never been a mother yourself and have no insight into what that journey is like for a woman. To comment on one of the other issues you have with the Duchess of Sussex i.e. wanting privacy while being funded by tax payers’ money…. I would like to ask you, if a man pays for all of his (house)wife’s expenses does that mean she loses all rights to privacy? For instance does that mean she cannot have an email address whose password he doesn’t know? After all as a housewife, the man is funding her lifestyle including her internet access?

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    1. I barely make comments about her body, so you can stop picking at that thread. And no, if she’s not holding her child properly, she’ll be called out on it – it’s a safety issue for the kid and she looked uncomfortable holding him.

      I have no clue what you’re talking about in regards to “her man paying for everything”, but I think you’ll find “her man” is on the taxpayer payroll also, meaning “his own money” is not actually his own. They want a life of decadence at our expense, all while sticking two fingers up at us – you appear to be in Uganda, so it’s not like this affects you anyway.

      I’d suggest doing your research before making ill-informed and juvenile comments on someone else’s blog. If I took all your money and gave you nothing back, you’d have something to say about it too.

      Liked by 6 people

      1. The question about the relationship between a housewife and her husband was a hypothetical one to illustrate the issue of privacy. In other words, when one receives funding from a certain source does one lose all rights to privacy? Another example would be for instance if one is employed, does it mean that they have no right to privacy from their employee in certain aspects of their life simply because their lifestyle is funded by their employer? The tax payer as the “employer” does not necessarily have a right to know everything about the “employee’s” life.

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      2. Employers know a healthy amount about an employee’s private life, especially if it contains anything that could jeopardise a company’s reputation. The company do not “own” me because they are a corporate model and pay me to do a job for them – but they have a right to know certain things. They also do not pay me from their own personal pockets – they pay me from the company accounts because as a hard-working employee, I receive pay in exchange for doing my job. If I stood outside my office at the end of each day with a hat in my hand and asked members of the general public to put money in there so that they could subsidise me and my career, that would be a bit different.

        Harry and Meghan do not have jobs. I would not call attending sporting events and movie premieres “work”, but perhaps your definition of this is different to mine.

        They are funded largely by the general public – and most of the time, for doing very little. They do not get up at the crack of dawn and work a 40-50 hour week. Other people do and are having large parts of their hard-earned money taken every month to subsidise these over-privileged leeches.

        My lifestyle is not “funded” by my employer – they give me money owed to me for boosting the company’s profile and doing my JOB. I earned that money. I have a right to it.

        Harry and Meghan are not professionally employed and do very little for the money they do receive.

        If you can’t see the difference between the two, I really cannot help you.

        Liked by 2 people

  8. Love love love my Sundays! You and Big Little Lies positively MAKE my day.

    Honest question all: why did she insist on wearing body-con stretch dresses whilst pregnant and only now wears loosy tent thingys? #OhTheIrony.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thank you my darling!! 💖 and I so agree! I was thinking about this yesterday. Perhaps she still has a mum tum and was happy flaunting her stomach while pregnant because it was meant to be there, but not now that she hasn’t lost the weight yet. My theory anyway…

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      1. I am surprised she is still big. I am not fat shaming by the way, but I would have thought that Meghan would have been on the running machine as soon as she had given birth or doing the whole juicing and intermittent fasting routine. Also, I don’t think she would breast feed for the sake of her boobs.

        Liked by 1 person

  9. I had to check to see if I had adjusted my phone screen properly. I may not be on anyone’s invite list to a polo match, but I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t show up in what my mother would have called a “Mu-Mu”. And yes, what the #%*^ was she thinking, clutching the baby for hours on end??? She could have gotten an arm cramp and dropped him, for heaven’s sake. It’s painfully obvious that the nanny does most of the work—she has no clue how to hold him.

    I also loved the Wimbledon “do-over” with Kate and Pippa minding her, to make sure there wasn’t a repeat of the previous debacle. Yes, the outfit was weird, but at least no one commandeered 40-odd seats or threw diva fits over random people taking pictures this time.

    Liked by 5 people

    1. She wouldn’t have dared behave like that while Kate was around – she only does it when she’s on her own because she can get away with it. She would never do it in the presence of more senior members of the BRF. It’s like she has to be babysat the whole time to make sure she doesn’t do anything stupid. I’m trying to imagine what the likes of Queen Victoria would say if they could see the royal family now… probably turning in her grave!

      Liked by 3 people

    2. Meghan’s white blouse in some kind of cotton was incongruous to the synthetic pleated skirt in cream and blue. The waistband made her look enormous. She really does have the most awful fashion sense. I follow a fashion IG on the European royal ladies and they all look beautiful. Sophie, countess of wessex always looks lovely as kate does, so why is it always so difficult for Meghan to look half decent?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I think she desperately needs a consultant to advise her. If you look at old pictures of her in her previous life, she tended to wear very short skirts and other sexy stuff. I don’t think she understands how to dress for an event where one has to look classy and elegant.

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  10. Fab post, as always. Markle is the gift that never stops giving. No amount of PR is going to resuscitate this one. I’d give the marriage two to two and a half years, tops. Then, she’ll be back to the US to be the VP candidate for Oprah or Clooney as President. Remember where you heard it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you sweetheart 💕 and I TOTALLY agree! I’ve said also that she’ll try and crack politics after she’s built her platform here. She doesn’t have enough of a voice in the BRF – it won’t be long before she moves on.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. I’m surprised she wasn’t concerned about the public seeing Archie’s feet stay in the same position all that time. The baby’s face also didn’t change. As always, enjoyable read. You have such a way with words!

    Liked by 2 people

  12. I enjoy several blogs on Meh, but I wait with bated breath for yours. Thank you for making me belly laugh each week. Did you see the pictures of what appeared to be “angry Kate” having words with Meh at Wimbledon? Priceless!! There’s no amount of PR money that will make her likable and her stupidity is incomparable.

    Liked by 4 people

      1. Saw the two pictures on skippyv20.tumblr.com (and reblogged on other tumblr bloggers’ blogs) on the day after Wimbledon. Apparently, DM has many pictures of their interactions. Sorry, I’m technologically lacking or I’d post a link. Good luck!

        Liked by 1 person

  13. Love your posts! The icing on the cake with her Wimbledon debacle was that the man was NOT taking a picture of her at all and subsequently voiced astonishment that she was there, as he hadn’t noticed her. Neither had the other lady who was told off. And let’s back off of the “she wants to interact with people and not camera phones” bullshit. She didn’t interact with anyone except her friends and that weird hat that didn’t fit over her hair.

    Liked by 2 people

  14. AND, MM’s fake besties, like the Clooneys and Oprah seriously need to quite weighing in on the “POOR Meghan train”. The Clooneys are a couple of liberal idiots and Oprah…..she just needs to go away.

    Liked by 4 people

  15. It’s obvious that Kate has decided enough is enough, and is throwing some major shade.
    At the ‘Christening’ she wore Princess Diana’s big ol’ earrings that no one could miss, and if they did she wore a skirt that was so short you couldn’t help but focus on her. Megsie tries to even the score by picking out the worst picture of Wills and Kate to publish, but it didn’t work.
    The polo match rolls around and Megsie shows up in a green pup tent. (Cringe) Kate then picked out the skinniest green silhouette she could find in her closet (and it’s a recycled) and wears it to Wimbledon to sit right next to her puffy sister-in-law. Haha, She’s got game. I can’t wait to see what’s next.
    I love your blog, I’m so glad I found it. Always a good laugh,

    Liked by 3 people

  16. Another hilarious post ! This has become my go to blog for LOL moments !
    Harry and Meghan constantly striving to be relevant, and harking for a ‘sustainable way forward’ for themselves, on the global stage, all on the taxpayers dime, is becoming irksome ! But, then they we get the wailing for privacy ! WTH ! Someone needs to remind them, they serve the Monarch, and all or any works they do, is to highlight the UK, not themselves ! If they want to live a life of philanthropy, then stand down from the HRH and all that brings, and go and live a quiet charitable life away from the glare ! But, as we know with these two, they crave the fame and adoration ! Harry, is behaving more and more like a petulant child, as for ‘Meagain’ she’s revelling in the stardom, she never had, when she worked on a two bit TV series !
    Can’t wait for next weeks post, as we all saw the excessive fawning over Jay Z & Beyonce ! 😦

    Liked by 1 person

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