Royal round-up: 30th June

Happy Sunday all! (If you can ever call it that with work looming the next day).

There was a fair amount to talk about this week, so without further ado, I give you this week’s Royal Round-Up!

The Royal Foundation: dissolved

So last week, it was reported that William and Harry had met up for a formal meeting regarding The Royal Foundation of The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge and The Duke and Duchess of Sussex – and the rather shaky “foundation” it was sat on. 

It looks as though this meeting indeed signalled the end of the Cambridges and Sussexes work together on the charity; well – not that Harry and Meghan did much for it anyway, despite sit on a stage once to chat shit and scribble on some bananas, but you get the idea.

Yes – a crushing blow to the foundation, I’m sure.

We all knew this was coming anyway – it was announced several months ago now that both couples were going their own ways as they “simply couldn’t work together” anymore and that they all wanted to focus on “other things”. 

The royal foundation will be left to William and Kate, so that they can focus on mental health and early childhood development – and the Sussexes will create their own charity in due course, so that they can focus on merching for Mulroney and swindling as much money from the public as humanely possible. Ok – the palace didn’t quite word it that way, but we all know what they meant. 

Christ on a bike, to have been a fly on the wall during THAT meeting; Harry clearing his throat every ten seconds to avoid speaking to his brother, Prince William bringing along a thick scarf (just in case he had to really avoid speaking to Harry) and some poor fucker from the palace having to mediate for the brothers, in the likely event they tried to stab each other. Must have been frostier than Harry’s South Pole trek in that room.

“And this fucking meeting”

Personally, I think they should’ve let the brothers have a few beers, handed them some blunt objects and let them have it out properly (live streamed to the public, of course) – but maybe that’s just me.

“This one’s for the Queen, ya big, bald PRICK!”

Royal tours

With the Cambridges announcing a royal tour of Pakistan in the autumn, of course the Sussexes had to quickly stick their (likely coked-up) noses in there and try and garner some press attention for themselves.

Yep, true to form – Meghan took to the couple’s Instagram page to inform everyone that she, Harry (and it looks like Archie too) will be heading to Southern Africa in the autumn for a “royal tour”.

On behalf of Great Britain, I extend my formal apologies to the continent of Africa

But wait, sorry – do let me correct myself. Meghan and Archie will only be going to South Africa. With Harry journeying on after to Botswana, Malawi and Angola. 

No – don’t adjust your screen brightness – you read that correctly. Harry will be representing the monarchy in Africa – and Meghan and Archie are going on holiday. 

Fixed it!

I’m not too sure about the rest of my fellow Brits on here, but my nose is a bit bent out of shape at the prospect of paying for two nobodies and a baby to fly into South Africa, foot the bill for some hideously ugly and ridiculously expensive dresses for Meghan and then pay further for her to sit on her (now rather fat) arse in stunning Cape Town while Holiday Harry clocks up more air miles jetting about the continent. 

So why isn’t Meghan going to the other three countries? Well, the answer is simple – because they’re all slightly poorer nations than South Africa and Meghan can’t wear haute couture out there.

“Impoverished nations where I can’t wear Givenchy?!”

But of course, Meghan’s spending restrictions being her reason for not going to the other African countries have been hidden under the excuse of a “high malaria risk”, which begs the question – why the fuck are they going at all?

The whole “tour” just smacks of pointless. 

My advice to the palace? Considering Madam Meghan will barely be lifting a finger out there, I’d imagine it would fit better for Harry to go out there by himself and leave the Mrs and baby in England. It’s more cost effective, makes more sense and we’ll be spared seeing Meghan’s smug mug for a couple of weeks.

Meghan’s engagement ring gets a facelift 

Yep, Meghan Markle has only gone and fucked her engagement ring design right up. 

Not content with the original one Harry so lovingly designed and created with diamonds from his mother’s jewellery collection, Mrs Sussex has shat all over Harry’s initial design and changed basically everything about the ring.

It should also be noted how purple Harry’s hand is in the second photo, due to the start-up of the Sussex death-grip

The ring either way isn’t really to my taste, but I definitely prefer the one Harry designed.

The “new” one seems to have a thinner band (to make the centrepiece diamonds look larger, no doubt), with diamonds now emblazoned all around the band – and the cut of the main diamond itself also appears to have been changed.

Does anyone remember how excited Harry was during the engagement interview to tell us how he’d designed it specially for her, and Meghan glanced down (with her famous faux adoring look) and said “and he designed it! It’s beautiful!”

“Yeah… for a peasant.”

Well you couldn’t have found it that bloody beautiful love, because you’ve gone and changed the whole ring just over a year after the wedding. 

I’m willing to bet Meghan is just blinging everything up in preparation for the divorce, so she has some costly pieces to flog on eBay or down the local pawn shop when the “royal marriage” eventually goes down the shitter.

And to think – their third date was in Botswana and the core diamond was sourced from there, but dear old Meg can’t even be arsed to go there in the autumn. Sentimental? Sure.

“Where was that third date, again? Brixton? Shit sorry – BOTSWANA. My bad.”

Meghan and Harry’s nanny 

Some interesting pieces out in the last week or two on this situation – the first of which being that Harry and Meghan have apparently gone through three nannies for Archie already.

Yes. Three. For a baby that was born seven weeks ago.

Being honest, the articles didn’t make it clear whether they were fired or walked out voluntarily, but I can kinda envisage both scenarios. Let’s set the scene:

Scenario 1: in which Meghan, who has been a mum for all of a few weeks and likely never held a baby before this time, spends every waking minute shouting at a qualified Norland nanny, and telling her she’s not holding Archie “the correct way”. 

“I’ve obviously never held him, but I think Harry’s doing it right.”


Scenario 2: The nanny has gone in, realised that sharing a house with Meghan is like living under Krakatoa waiting for it to erupt, and has decided to haul ass outta there. 

“Fuck-ing forget it dude.”

Bet even Archie is wishing he could be put up for adoption at this point too, given the nightmare his mum appears to be. 

The other story that came out was that Harry and Meghan were apparently making these nannies sign NDAs… Now admittedly, I couldn’t be arsed to read all of that tripe, but NDAs for what, exactly?

So they wouldn’t reveal Meghan’s great avocado-on-toast recipe?

So they wouldn’t tell the press that Harry and Meghan actually spend their evenings getting shit-faced and knocking ten bells out of each-other, true British chav style?

Or to not reveal that Meghan lost her mind, wasn’t actually pregnant and Archie is in fact a Reborn Doll?

No, I’m (sort of) kidding about this one, but can you imagine it it was true? 

I don’t know if any of you have seen that film “The Boy”, but it’s about some English couple who hire a nanny to take care of their “child”, but when the nanny gets there, she realises it’s just some elderly folk carting a doll around this massive Georgian mansion and singing/reading/talking to it.

“Archie Mountbatten-Windsor? Are you guys taking the piss?”

It’s the most epic pile of shit I’ve ever watched, but we can’t be too sure Meghan hasn’t seen it and drafted some of her own ideas from there. Anything is possible with Medusa Meg. 

Meghan’s back – sort of. Unfortunately.

Thought we’d had a lucky escape there, but maybe not. Six months maternity leave, my arse.

Yep, Meghan was let out of her cage yesterday to join Harry on a visit to Queen Elizabeth Olympic Park, where they met the Boston Red Sox. What the point was of this engagement I don’t know, but then again, I find very little point to anything the Sussexes do.

Most articles detailed how “happy” Meghan looked: well of course she’s bloody happy – there are cameras, she’s the centre of attention and in a room full of men, something she is rather used to from her LA days – I’d say she was in her element there and must have had a sense of nostalgia from her yacht girl days. 

“Just like when I was a ho.”

I even admired her for laughing through what must have been an incredibly difficult moment, as she realised her “American cousins” had actually done their research, knew her son wasn’t a prince and hadn’t mistakenly put it on the baby clothes they gifted Harry and Meghan.

“Oh my God, Harry – how cute! They forgot to put ‘Prince’ on the jersey!”
“No but seriously, I’m smiling because there are cameras, but it’s not on this one either.”

I also think it’s nice she managed to find it in her to drag her arse out of Berkshire to meet a baseball team, but couldn’t be bothered when her own President was in town. Mad props Meghan. 

And whaddya know? The Sussex double-grip is back! 

With no baby bump to cling on to for dear life anymore (thank fuck), Meghan is back holding onto her human Zimmer frame – Prince Harry. 

“So glad I now have two free arms again to do this.”

I spent ages thinking maybe she holds onto Harry because she’s unsteady in heels, but no – she was wearing flats yesterday and was still unable to walk unaided. 

Harry had to physically wind his arms behind his back at one point to stop Desperate Duchess from effectively wrenching one of them off. Bet he didn’t miss THAT one on engagements; he looked like he was spending most of the visit trying to work out if supergluing his arms to his side might be a good way of getting his wife to back the fuck off. 

It’s ok mate – it might just be easier to divorce her and retain the circulation in your arm. As well as that of your balls.

I’m sure Harry can identify very well with this scene.

Well that’s all for this week, ladies and gents! But I’ll be back next weekend with another instalment – I have a feeling there’ll be lots to report on.

Until then, stay safe and have a lovely week! 💖

27 responses to “Royal round-up: 30th June”

  1. Bless! She thinks herself in a ‘first Lady’ position; someone who doesn’t have to work. Well, dearie, you’ve signed on to play the part of a Sussex. Can’t simply laze about, blowing that freakish doll up now and again.

    Daft bitch.

    1. Tell me about it! Thinks she’s there just to spend money. I feel like the rude awakening may be starting for her….

  2. Touche (‘over the e!) Your attention to detail is spot on and your writing is hilarious! She is so damn annoying and fake. She really thinks everything is about her. The ONLY reason anyone talks to her is because of Harry yet she s always out in front of him. From day one, I would ve been gracious and humble and take a back seat for a few years to adjust and learn the ropes. Especially knowing many people were skeptical of me. She has been a bull in a china shop from the get-go. Poor Harry and Britain.

    1. Thank you so much! 💖 and I totally agree with you! I would’ve happily been a background person too, but people like her are never satisfied with that. Always need to be at the front. And THAT will be her downfall.

    2. No way is the Queen privvy to MM’s antics. She’s not online or on social media. The UK press operate under a blackout, no-investigative journalism stranglehold.
      This whole Archie fiasco needs to be exposed….

  3. Not being a fan of our President, I completely understand that she’d want to sit that farce out, but I think I would have at least shown up for the one event Harry attended with Trump. Perhaps it will be a small clothes bill, if she decides to merch a bunch of stuff again…I know people complain about this, but doesn’t that save the taxpayers money?

    1. Not if she’s putting in invoices anyway. Charles’ expenses went up by £1,6m on the previous year. The only difference is MM. Funnily enough they chose not to provide a proper breakdown of expenditure just headline figures. This is onto of the £2.4m that Frogmore has cost so far.

      1. Holy cow! I had no idea she was ALSO invoicing all those ill-fitting clothes. I thought she was getting them gratis from people to show off. The weirdest was the shoes that were too big for her. One of these days she’s going to break an ankle that way.

      2. Well it is obvious by the grey jacket & hole shoes the ££ aren’t being spent on PH. MM greed knows no bounds.

    2. I think the Wueen wisely decided to keep Meghan and Trump well away from each other. They are each others’ kryptonite.

      1. That makes sense. You talk about your scenes…

  4. Thank you! Ugh, you said everything I would! The ring is ugly. Also, a LA based jeweller? There are plenty of beautiful, amazing, skilled craftsmen and women in the UK. Like those who made her engagement ring to begin with. He was so proud and pleased with it – you can tell Harry put a lot of thought and yes, love into it – but not good enough for Meghan. Did you notice it looks very like her first engagement ring? HMMMM.

    The christening being so private when they demand attention and control is appalling but what does one expect. They are using it to control their brand and what gets out there about Archie. Meghan will make sure we’ll just see his cute little baby bum in the christening robe or his head being anointed with the Holy Water. All about her image. She does not care a whit for Harry or her baby.

    Love the blog, keep posting please! <3

  5. Great post! This saga gets more bizarre with each day. Now we hear that in spite of us paying for their home renovations, her clothes and their PR, the christening of Archie will be a strictly private affair and photos will follow through the sussexe’s IG account and perhaps even through Gayle King’s tv channel? What with Meghan getting through 3 nannies in the first seven weeks of Archie’s life, you do have to wonder when Meghan will be summoned to the Queen’s’ drawing for a reality check. Keep up the great work! 👏👏👏

  6. She is determined to play the lead role of Princess Diana, even though she’s been signed on to play the supporting role of a Sophie Wessex. She probably has not yet accepted that SHE isn’t the future Princess of Wales/ future queen. The only time she gets reminded is when the whole family is present which is why she looks so uncomfortable like she can’t wait to get away during those events.

    1. I’ll bet the whole family can’t wait .for her to get away.

    2. Narcissistic sorts do not tolerate shame well and feel rage underneath it all. I would believe it is infuriating for her when others are receiving more attention.

  7. Watching the video again, that baby does not stir at all during the press conference. Harry keeps moving the baby closer to him and she is stroking the head over and over again, blocking the face. I’m speculating here, but it looks like they are subconsciously blocking the baby from view.

  8. I love your blog and have been lurking after seeing it mentioned on Nutty Flavor’s blog. I kept looking all morning for your new post and was not disappointed. This woman is such a fraud and narcissist. I would feel sorry for Harry, but then I go back to his early escapades and I don’t feel sorry anymore.

  9. The only escapism to be had through this whole Markle debacle,is reading this blog and LOL ! It’s like therapy ! 🙂
    What is becoming more apparent, is how strained and sullen Harry is looking ! It’s almost like he is indifferent towards her. When you looked at William and Kate’s interaction on the balcony, during the Trooping the Colour, and you see Harry and ‘Meagain’ , the difference is palpable !
    Brilliant post ! Thank You ! x
    Can’t wait for the next week’s round-up, as next weekend, is the very ‘private’ publicly funded Royal christening !

  10. Look forward to this each and every Sunday! A voice of reason in an interweb full of creepy Sussexstans.

  11. Hi, do you add comments to communicate with you, or is there a special portal? Did you see this article in the Times today. Camilla Long has written anti-Kate articles before so she could be one of these paid pro-MM people for all we know.
    Also, I don’t think that Kate is one for freezing people out. MM does it all the time and Camilla Long is not pulling her up on this. I am convinced that MM was at the bottom of all those rumours about William having an affair with Rose Hanbury and freezing people out. Just like I don’t think MM was ‘actually’ pregnant and used a prosthesis bump and a surrogate to do the hard work. Kate was on the scene for years before MM even laid eyes on Harry, and we never heard stories of how Kate would freeze people out, or come between William and his relatives. It is maddening to see what MM is doing.

    1. There were plenty of stories of Kate freezing people out in the same fashion as Meghan. Post-engagement in 2010 however a lot of them were deleted. Friends who were no longer friends once they got her into William’s social circle, that sort of thing – the woman is as hard and determined as Meghan is. Both women used that to snag their princes and hang on for dear life during break-ups and make-ups. I would not be shocked if Harry were similar to his brother; William is well known for having affairs but it has been more discreet, though it was publicized during the dating years whilst Kate waited for the ring. Harry having an affair would not shock me one bit either.

  12. I now to your brilliance! So much to love here. “of course the Sussexes had to quickly stick their (likely coked-up) noses” and “Meghan is back holding onto her human Zimmer frame – Prince Harry.” FABULOUS

  13. I found your blog on tumblr.Your writing is hilarious. Can’t wait for new posts

  14. Super blog, I agree completely with your analyses. Keep it up, I look forward to it every week.

  15. Amazing work. I couldn’t stop laughing. Such a nice switch instead of crying when her name comes up. Medusa Meg, Desperate Duchess, nothing short of inspirational. Great read.😂⭐😂⭐

    1. 😂😂😂 thank you my lovely, really appreciate it 💖💖

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