Royal round-up: 16th June

First of all, I’m sorry this is so unbelievably late! In fact I’m so late with last weekend’s royal round-up, that it’s in time for this week’s one…

Honestly, I’m not sure what happened; other than having a totally manic five days, dealing with lazy colleagues and others who think “feeling a bit dizzy” is an excuse not to come into work the whole week and leaving you to handle a massive board meeting in their absence. 

But that’s enough about me – I know I’m a week behind, but without further ado, let’s get stuck in:

Trooping the Colour 

Good God, where do I begin?

I knew there’d be a lot of material to discuss if Meghan showed up, but this is a bit more than I initially thought. 

Yes, as previously predicted, Meghan was in attendance for this year’s Trooping the Colour. Show of hands who was surprised by this, please?

Absolutely fucking no one

What are my thoughts? Well I hate to drag a woman who just (allegedly) gave birth, but she did not look too good. For some reason, her face is a lot fuller than it was a month ago and her eyes were a lot narrower – no idea what was going on there. Been crying? Hayfever? Too much Botox? It’s anyone’s guess.

And once again, trowelled on the highlighter and bronzer, wore a dress that was too casual and dark for the occasion and the hat looked left her head looking as flat as Pingu’s.

The dress looked like a t-shirt dress from BooHoo and I’m honestly not sure why she wore such a dark colour when that’s not usually the done thing at Trooping. Did she think it would make her look slimmer or did she just not get the dress code memo, so wore whatever fell out of her closet first?

Can somebody also please explain to me why she keeps carrying gloves around with her? From what I’ve seen, she wore them for all of two minutes before carrying them in her hand the rest of the time – something she likes to do a lot for some reason. 

Did someone tell her she looks classy?

Does she think she looks Victorian?

Why is she wearing leather gloves in June?

There are so many questions.

Meghan hun, if you’re reading this, please note that this “trend” doesn’t make you look like sophisticated. I feel like you’re trying to channel Cinderella, but instead, have wound up looking like a cross between Dita Von Teese and Jack The Ripper. It’s not a thing. Please leave the gloves at home. 

But in any case, back to the day’s events; one of the most painful moments in history, alongside Kanye’s “Ima-let-you-finish” and Jessica Simpson not knowing the difference between tuna and chicken, was Kate and Camilla having to share a carriage with The Sussexes. As you can see, Camilla looks utterly thrilled at the travel arrangements:

Luckily it’s only a short procession, so Catherine and Camilla didn’t have to suffer for too long; they were probably up and out of that carriage faster than you could say “the Crown Jewels”:

“Get out now Kate – get fucking GOING!!!” – Camilla trying to get out of the carriage as quickly as possible

Then came the balcony appearance(s); there’s always the initial one, where some members stand on the balcony to “greet” the Queen’s carriage as it pulls in – and for the first one, Harry and Meghan were notably missing, which panicked me for a few seconds: Oh fuck, please don’t tell me they’re preparing to bring Archie out? 

Honestly guys, I would NOT have put it past them to bring a one-month-old out onto the balcony just to upstage the Cambridges and Louis’s first appearance. My eyes were scanning that back row Columbo-style as they all came out for the flypast, but I was super relieved to see they hadn’t brought him out. I mean, unfortunately Meghan was still there, but I guess we can’t get everything we want.

Let’s be real here, little Prince Louis totally stole the show. He is the King of facial expressions and I find the little chap so entertaining. He spent the entire time wriggling about, pointing at the planes in the sky and waving to everyone – really quite astute for a one-year-old. It was really nice to see the Cambridge family all together.  

However, it should be noted that the Cambridges and Sussexes were stood as far away from each other as humanely possible on that balcony.

Whether this was because the BRF didn’t want Meghan and Harry clouding Louis’s first shots on the balcony or because they re-thought last year’s arrangement and realised it wasn’t too clever having Kate stand near the edge with Meghan right behind her – I don’t know. 

“Yikes – one had better rethink THAT arrangement.”

But either way, there was a massive shift this year – maybe for photographic reasons or perhaps to avoid a balcony murder. Either one.

A lot happened at this year’s TTC and we should also draw attention to the fact that Prince Harry seemingly told Meghan off at one point during the flypast.

Meg, keen to be part of the conversation Harry was having with somebody behind her (I think it was Princess Eugenie’s husband Jack?) fully turned to face Harry with her back to the crowds, prompting her Prince to quickly become annoyed and tell her in a not-so-loving way to “turn around”. 

Well – he might have said it in a far sterner way with a few expletives in there, but I’m giving you the clean version.  

“Bitch, you deaf? I said turn the fuck around, before you end up in the Tower of London.”

I actually felt a little sorry for Meghan; when she turned back to face the front, her face crumpled like she was going to cry. Putting my thoughts on her aside for one minute, she’s a new mother and was probably feeling somewhat vulnerable and worried about her first appearance in public since having Archie – your husband telling you off on the Buckingham Palace balcony in front of the entirety of Britain doesn’t really help matters either. 

Judging by his irritated, furious expression, maybe next year they should rethink standing Harry behind her. Bloody hell, it’s becoming like musical chairs on that balcony.

” I SAID FACE THE FRONTTTTTT!” – Trooping The Colour 2020

Meghan and Harry’s “leaked” wedding photos 

Of course, just before Meghan made her appearance at TTC, there had to be “leaked wedding photos” of Meghan and Harry come out they very same day, after their wedding photographer’s laptop was allegedly “hacked”.

Yeah, hacked my arse

I don’t know if the actual photos were released, largely because I didn’t give enough of a shit to scope it out, but no doubt they were more photos of Meghan gazing “adoringly” up at Harry, making sure the photographer got good shots of the ring and tiara. Or more snaps of them with their backs to the camera, because they think this looks artistic for some reason, when all I can notice is Harry’s bald patch, Meghan’s ratty extensions and one unfortunate occasion when His Royal Highness The Duke of Sussex had a serious wedgie.

As usual though, the timing was perfect; Meghan had found a way to make sure she was in the limelight in her own right – rather than just being stuck behind James, Viscount Severn at the back of the Buckingham balcony crowd, and being told off by her husband for deigning to speak to him during a flypast. 

I gotta hand it to the woman, she’s clever; she knew her attention for the day would be shared with Prince Louis, due to it being his first appearance on the balcony, so she had to make sure gossip rags were talking about her in relation to something other than Trooping The Colour. Unlucky for her though, nobody really gave a shit.

And what’s all this “leaked” rubbish? Didn’t we get “treated” to yet more “unseen” photographs to mark their first (and possibly last) wedding anniversary? Honestly – you had a wedding. Nobody cares. 

Harry and Meghan moving to America?

So I’ve seen a fair bit this last week or so on the notion that Meghan apparently wants to move Harry and Archie to the USA. 

Well, we saw that one coming too

I say – go for it! Pack your shit, book your plane tickets and feel free to bugger off. I don’t think the taxpayers of Britain will actually give a rat’s arse – just three less benefit scroungers to support financially. 

Harry can get a part-time job in Walmart, Meghan can ensure she’s cast in the next season of “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” and the UK won’t have to pay for them anymore – everyone’s a winner!

The Duke of Sussex celebrates the first day of his new job

Seriously though, can you actually see Prince Harry moving to California? It’s somewhat unlikely. His ass too pale for that climate.

And I don’t know if anybody’s told Meghan this yet, but they won’t be supported financially by the Crown if they move to California… because, y’know, it’s not a commonwealth nation and they won’t be carrying out engagements on behalf of the Queen – unless she calls on them to open the newest Arby’s branch somewhere. 

– official quote by Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

Somehow I highly doubt this.

I wonder when Harry will get it into his thick skull that he is totally being taken for a ride by this woman. Judging by his face on the balcony last weekend, he is slowly growing his balls back, but there’s a long way to go and I do think she’s still very much in the driving seat with this one. 

If you’re a Prince of the UK and your wife, a failed Z-list actress, is actually managing to persuade you to leave the Crown behind and move across the Atlantic, you’re either seriously whipped or intentionally trying to cause damage to your family.

In any case, I do think Harry will see the light before that boarding pass is in his hand; he’s not stupid enough to get off the royal gravy train and move to the USA – I mean really, what would he do there anyway? He’d actually have to get a job and do some hard graft – and the way Meghan spends, whatever he does have now will be gone very quickly. 

Nah – Meghan will be going to back to the USA, but one thing’s for certain – it won’t be with Harry and Archie. 

Safe travels, Your Highness

There are a few other items that have come up today that I want to go over, but I’ll do this next week – honestly, my brain is so saturated I couldn’t even spell my surname the other day, much less piece together a blog entry with all the trimmings. 

But I’ll be back next week – I promise!

Until then, have a lovely rest of the weekend and a very Happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there – and to the single mothers who play both roles in their children’s lives πŸ’ž

Have a great week, all! xx

31 responses to “Royal round-up: 16th June”

  1. News bulletin: America doesn’t want her.

    She was not a star, celebrity or personage in any sense of the word in the US or in Canada. My bet is that she’ll glom onto the Clooney’s, or failing that roam around Europe on her Former Royal/Victim currency.

    1. I think you’re correct, but Britain doesn’t deserve to be lumbered with her either – we’ve been through enough recently. She won’t hold high status in the USA but there’ll be an interest for post-divorce interviews and tv appearances and she’ll definitely do them. She can’t herself and will need to keep some level of fame and notoriety going for herself.

      1. Interest? Good Lord, that is an understatement to say the least. Every form of American media will be positively smothered in MM stories.

      2. As long as I don’t have to see it here, I’m all good!

    2. So many seem to believe – here in the States – that Meghan was some multi million dollar star who left a lucrative, amazing career for LOVE. Blech.

      Here we tend to worship the royals as A+ list celebrities. Kate is a saint, as is Meghan, as was Diana and the obsession with Diana – who was a hot mess and not the lovely wonderful People’s Princess people believe she was – still reigns supreme. I’m sure Meghan wants that level of worship and adulation in her life!

      I love that photo of Camilla. If she doesn’t like you, you must be horrible, because she is a warm, loving, fun woman. I would love to meet her most out of all the royals.

      1. Oh totally agree; Meghan was nothing before – and I hate this notion that she “gave up her life” for Harry. What life? She may have given up her independence and freedom but it’s not like she was some Hollywood a-lister who had this amazing career. She gave up being Z-list for A-list and that’s it. As for Camilla, she’s hardly a saint either, but she tries very hard as a royal and does a good job. I agree – if she doesn’t like you, something must be wrong.

      2. Yes! Meghan spent her time grifting trying to hustle and attach herself to wealthier, more important men to boost her own profile. That’s not giving up anything, but her mythology is so entrenched – including her fake PR ‘humanitarianism,’ etcetera, that any cursory reading shows it’s false! She bagged Harry because he was desperate for a wife and a family of his own.

        Thanks for your blog – I enjoy it! πŸ™‚

      3. Totally agree and thank you lovely!πŸ’–

  2. I don’t want to sound petty, but when Harry told MeGain to turn the fuck around it made my day. Hell, my entire year.
    Keep up the great work!

    1. Hahahaha not petty at all and thank you very much πŸ’– it was the first indication that Harry may actually be gaining back some control of his life (and balls).

  3. OH we don’t want her back!!! She needs to find another hole to crawl into. Not here. The US doesn’t give two shits about what she wears, where she goes, what shoe does, etc etc etc…..there isn’t any coverage of her on our daily news–gossip rags, MAYBE but really, we don’t care about her in the US. It is so damn funny how she got her ass chewed out at the Trouping, though! I loved it! I knew she’d be up there trying to hog up the limelight. NOBODY CARES! She was on a basic cable show, she wasn’t even the lead, and nobody had ever heard of her until she started dating Prince Harry. She can glom onto her new fake Hollywood friends and mooch off of them until they get sick of her for all I care.

    1. Word perfect! πŸ’– I always wonder how much she’s talked about in America – when really, I don’t think anybody actually cares anymore, if they ever did to begin with. She’ll be on her way out soon enough anyway.

      1. In the beginning, they were all over the news. Everybody thought it was “cute” and now that’s worn off. She’s old news and her face is wrapping fish down at the docks. There was only a blurb about the baby after he was born. I mean, they showed the reporters waiting for her to go into labor but then, they just lost interest. If he was going to marry an American, he could have at least picked a woman from a nice prominent family. Bless his heart.

      2. I live in Toronto and no one talked about her until Harry put out that thing about her being “harassed”. Now? People still don’t talk about her. She’s a nobody around these parts. I grew up and are friends with people in the same circles as JM. None of us care about MM. Don’t send her back.

      3. I agree completely – she was never known anywhere, hence the need to bag a prince. In all fairness though, nobody had to pay for her in Canada – we’re paying for her here and it’s total bullshit. Not onboard with it. She should go back to LA – she’ll fit right in there!

  4. Don’t send her back unless she would live next door to the Kardashians. Could you imagine the fireworks?

    1. That’d be hilarious! I think she’d like that though – fancies herself as a bit of a Kardashian!

    2. I hate the Kardashians, but I’d take them over MM any day.

      1. At least the Kardashians don’t pretend to be something they’re not!

  5. Loved this one a whole lot! This, ” I SAID FACE THE FRONTTTTTT!” – Trooping The Colour 2020″ really got me
    laughing so hard that I couldn’t finish reading what you wrote until I could calm down! You’ve got the humor stuff
    going along with the serious side which does make for not only excellent entertainment, but a fantastic blog. Thank you,

    1. Thank you so much!! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ glad you enjoyed lovely! ❀️❀️

  6. That picture of Camilla in the carriage, looking like she smelled a bad smell, is priceless! As people have been saying, she was one character in the USA cable show β€œSuits,” which was a good show, but not terribly well-known. The only reason I watched it was because my spouse and my best friend discovered and loved the show. There was one appalling scene where she and the star go at it in a file room, and I swear it was not sexy due to her painfully weird, skinny legs. I think most people here in the US, upon hearing Prince Harry was getting hitched to her, was a collective β€œHEH? Who’s that???” I’m wondering if perhaps she wore dark colors to cover up any post-baby weight-gain.

  7. She should know by now to face the front,especially when The National Anthem is going to be played.

    1. A first-grader would know to do that.

    2. We do the SAME in the US. She’s an attention hogging dolt.

  8. Enjoyed your writing once again! Thank you!

    1. Thank you so much!! πŸ’–

  9. The Princess Royal avatar
    The Princess Royal

    I think it’s obvious why she wore a dark dress – she’s merching for next season’s lines. Same reason why she wore an ill-fitting summer dress to visit an old folks’ home in December, and why she wore a drab olive dress to Prince Louis’ christining last July, when there was an obvious blue and white theme going on. These things are always done one season ahead. It would also explain the gloves, and the fact that she hardly ever wears British labels, as they know that royals are not allowed to accept freebies for promotional purposes.

    So basically she’s using her tax-payer subsidised position as a representative of the Crown to make money, as though she were a Kardashian. Part of me thinks at least it’s better than her ugly clothes being paid for with public money, but it is a disgraceful abuse of her very privileged position.

    1. Was coming here to say exactly this. Her bizarre fashion choices make much more sense when you realize she’s merching for next season.

  10. Cheers! Lovely recap as always. Thank you for the fun!

    1. Thank you very much darling! πŸ’–

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