Happy Sunday darlings! 💋
Hope you’ve all had a fab week!
Well as usual, there’s been a fair bit to document and I spent most of the week trying to grab headlines for this blog post, feeling like my head was going to explode.
But not one to complain about having material to write, without further ado, I give to you – this week’s royal round-up!
5 Big Questions
So this week was an important one for The Duchess of Cambridge; she went on a mini-tour of Britain as she launched the “5 Big Questions” all adults should be asking when it comes to children’s mental health.
Catherine visited Birmingham and Cardiff as she launched the initiative – even getting to join a baby sensory class, where she was able to relate to other mums about the struggles of being a first-time mother.
It was a great opportunity for the Duchess to also meet some of the young children whose parents are supported by the centre – especially since we all know how much Kate loves babies and children.
And there were even some arts and crafts for artsy Kate to get involved with:
Moving on to Cardiff, and Catherine was beginning to feel the strain of her tour. It was all so tiring, having to move around and actually interact with people.
All jokes aside, Catherine should be really proud of herself for launching this initiative; it’s heartening to see royals who actually want to work and just get on with it, rather than making a fuss.
Well done, Kate!
Harry heads back to Canada and Meghan goes on a walk
Sometime last week, we finally got rid of Twat 2 when after failing to clear up the Megxit mess, Harry headed back to Vancouver to join Twat 1 and Archie.
Harry, who wasn’t too thrilled to be flying commercial with the peasants, was even more upset to see that he had also been put in economy… on a WestJet flight, no less.
The shock continued to wash over Harry as he then had to take in the fact that there was no longer a bag-carrier hired to cart all his shit to and from the airport. Yes. Prince Harry of Wales actually had to carry his own hand luggage out of the airport.
Onlookers onboard the flight said that Harry appeared to be “tired and agitated” during the journey, which stands to reason really and could be for a multitude of reasons; was it because it was a long journey? Because he had to fly in coach? Because he had to go back to Meghan?
Or was it simply because he was forced to fly with British Airways?
Some said that Harry “cheered up” once he approached his waiting car and opened the back door, many believing that it was because he saw Meghan in the backseat.
I think it was more likely he had spotted the car’s mini bar.
In the meantime of course, Harry’s wife Meghan was incredibly busy doing what she does best – posing for the cameras.
In a desperate bid to look like a domestic goddess, Meghan strapped Archie to her chest (incorrectly, and in a sling that was far too small for an 8-month-old baby), hauled her two rather depressed-looking dogs out of the house and took to the park… where somehow, the paparazzi seemed to know she was going to be there.
She was clearly opting for a normal, natural look, but this was marred slightly by the fact her child was hanging like a rag doll from the sling she was struggling to hold up on her shoulders.
It’s unclear whether or not Archie was asleep or had just been wedgied into unconsciousness, but either way, I was deeply concerned how a woman who has been a mother eight months still can’t carry her child properly.
In any case, after this little stroll, it emerged that Meghan and Harry viewed these photos as an “invasion of privacy” (despite it being an open public area) and were taking legal action against photographers.
Honestly, is Harry actually that fucking dense?
Does he actually think that the paparazzi managed to find Meghan in some random park in Vancouver without a tip off? When nobody else was around? How does he think they found her?
Apparently the Sussexes were “deeply upset” that anybody’s dared to photograph one of them in a public setting “without their permission”.
Maybe she was more fed up because she saw the online criticism of her inability to hold her child properly and was angry about reading the truth. Or maybe because she had carted out the wrong Reborn Doll in her haste to leave the house and be spotted by photographers?
Not long after Harry returned to Canada, an earthquake struck the Vancouver island they are currently staying on, measuring 4.5 on the Richter scale.
Some were baffled by this occurrence, but neighbours in the vicinity believed it to be Meghan and Harry having a fight, rather than an actual earthquake.
Once Meghan had finished kicking Harry’s arse for going out for a pint, resulting in a few aftershocks following the main tremor, all went back to normal and the residents of North Saanich were able to rest easy.
The next day, photos showed that their $14 million property was still standing, but eerily silent – indicating that either the whole family were still asleep or Meghan had in fact murdered Harry.
But once it had been revealed that Harry was still alive and (somewhat) well, all went back to normal and the island could breathe easy again. Until the next fight, that is.
Harry and Meghan’s souvenirs are removed
So this week, it has also come out that Harry and Meghan’s wedding souvenirs were taken out of stock on the royal website.
Yes indeed – if you now search for “Duke and Duchess of Sussex” in the online shop, nothing comes up – indicating that you can no longer purchase a mug with their mugs on it.
It’s unclear what the royal collection have actually done with the mugs, plates and towels– but given the fact the royal family are likely no longer benefitting financially from these, I’d wager they’ve gone in the royal bin.
Of course, a large handful of these were scooped up by Meghan on the way out of the UK so that she could spend her days in Canada admiring her own face.
Or at least that was the original idea – some of the plates may or may not have come in to contact with Harry’s head upon his return from the UK.
The remainder of these were used as general cutlery in the Sussex’s new home, given that they were on a tight budget and could no longer afford to buy kitchenware.
How domestic life plays out for Harry and Meghan remains to be seen, but I for one am very much looking forward to seeing how they lead lives as private citizens.
Good luck Sussexes – you’re gonna need it.
Ok ladies and gents, that’s all for this week – I’m sure the next one will bring up yet more fuckery which I will very much look forward to reporting on.
Until such time, have a great week and I’ll see you all next Sunday! 💋