CrownsOfBritain

Hello hello, and happy new year everybody! 💖

Hope you’re all having a fabulous start to the year so far!

I have to be honest, I feel like it was fairly quiet in royal world this week, so we’re not totally inundated – however, there are always things to discuss, so without further ado – welcome to the first royal round-up of 2020!

Harry and Archie’s photo

So earlier this week, the Sussex fandom lost their shit over a photo that they put out of Harry and Archie against a “Canadian” backdrop.

Like I say, I’m not arsed about children and I’m certainly not arsed about Harry and Archie, but one thing I will note about this photo is that Archie is fucking HUGE.

Seriously, is he starting school soon? I mean, Mary Poppins I am not, but I’m fairly certain an 8 month old child is usually smaller than this.

Also, is he wearing a skirt and thick wooly tights?

There appears to be some sort of denim fabric hiked up by Harry’s arm, which doesn’t look like a pair of trousers to me. Couple that with the grey tights, and I’m fairly certain he’s wearing a dress or a skirt.

I know it’s 2020, and we’re all “raise your kids without gender” and all that other kumbaya shit, but give the poor little bugger a chance; he’s already got two self-entitled morons for parents, hardly any relatives as his mother has cut them all out and despite being born to a Prince, has been left on his arse without a title – don’t make things worse for him.

But despite my observations, Sussex fans across the world took to gushing all over the Sussex Instagram, banging on about how “amazing” the photo was and “how much Canada suits them.” I agree – Canada really does suit them. Because it means we don’t have to put up with them in the UK.

In any case, this idea seems somewhat stolen from the Cambridges; just after Kensington Palace release a shot that Catherine took of William and his kids, Meghan then has to do the same a week later – because she hasn’t got many original ideas in her head.

The Cambridge kids want to spend more time with Archie

Yeah, and I’m Obama.

Last week, there was an article put out on the Daily Mail about how Prince George, Princess Charlotte and Prince Louis apparently “adore” their little cousin Archie, and “want to spend more time with him” as he grows up.

Given the very limited interactions we’ve seen between Archie and the Cambridge kids in public, it couldn’t be more abundantly clear that Will and Kate’s children couldn’t give less of a shit about Archie if they tried.

Speaking frankly, I don’t think three young children are that arsed about a baby who is barely crawling. I mean, how much interest can there really be?

As for them “adoring” their cousin, and the article trying to make out like the Cambridges and Sussexes have Sunday lunch together every week and let the kids bond, I do remember an article coming out last summer which stated that William and Catherine’s brood hadn’t actually met Archie for the first two months of his life.

Yeah – close and adoring?

Of course, I could be totally wrong; they are innocent children and I’m sure they love their little cousin, spending most of their precious time together helping him navigate the big wide world, as he starts to crawl and explore…

Harry and Meghan help couple take a selfie

More Sussex PR for you this week.

Apparently during a hike in Canada, Prince Harry and Media Meg came across a young, stupid couple who were unable to use a selfie stick correctly (because that shit requires a PHD apparently), and very kindly offered their photographic services.

Never mind those on the frontline battling the Australian bushfires, doctors and nurses who save lives every day and parents on the breadline who starve every night so that their children can eat; in a true act of heroism, Meghan Markle… took a photo.

As it’s been reported that Catherine is a keen photographer, we know little Meggy is desperate not to be outdone, and seems to have turned herself into something of an Ansel Adams while she’s sat on her arse in Canada.

Surprisingly, this couple were a little too shell-shocked at being approached by two unemployed grifters and kept gushing about it as though they’d witnessed the second coming or something.

I’m not sure why they were so excited; it’s painfully obvious Meghan only did this to be recognised and because she knew this woman was going to run to the papers and tell them what had happened, further keeping the Sussexes in the press. I do not believe for a second that this was a random act of kindness – does Meghan actually ever do those?

It’s also clear that these little hiking trips are Meghan’s idea and her surefire way of being noticed in public, which is what she craves anyway.

I mean, I doubt Harry’s suggesting going on these walks; we don’t “hike” in Britain, unless there’s a pub at the top of the hill, so this is definitely an American initiative– and one where Meghan can revel in the starstruck awe of sad passers-by around her.

But all’s well that ends well; the couple enjoyed their (slightly shit) photo and Meghan got her name in the press for another 24 hours. Win win!

Meghan mentions Australian bushfires

At last – they’ve only been burning for fucking months, but don’t let that spoil your two-month holiday.

Yes, the Sussexes finally took to Instagram to post about the Australian wildfires, expressing their “sadness” at the situation and how devastating it had been for the country.

And then.. predictably… they managed to somehow bring the post back to themselves and their own (disastrous) visit to Australia.

The only thing Meghan is “personally connected to” is the royal bank account.

Honestly, can they make one charitable post without it somehow coming back to their own stories and how it “personally affects” them?

“The Australian fires are so devastating– but remember when we visited and how amazing we both looked?”

“What’s happening has marked a really difficult time for Australia — but remember when we announced we were having a baby as soon as we arrived there?”

Honestly, both of you, shut up. I’d be willing to bet neither of them has made a financial donation to the Australia yet for these disasters, so until either one of them is prepared to get on the frontline with a hose in their hand, I’m not interested.

Well that’s all for this week, my loves; I trust there will be tonnes more fuckery this week so that I can rant away next weekend.

If they’re not already, I reckon this coming week will see Harry and Meghan return to Britain and of course, there will be some announcements regarding William and Catherine that will be trickling in.

In addition to this, it is Catherine’s 38th birthday on Thursday, when the bells of Westminster Abbey will no doubt be rung in celebration – that will be exciting! 🔔

In the meantime, have a fab week, be good, and I’ll see you all next Sunday! 💋