Happy Sunday folks! Hope you’ve had a good week.
As some of you may have seen on my Twitter, it turns out that what I had across my fingers wasn’t actually eczema, but rather a secondary viral and bacterial infection (picked up in Norway we think) that unfortunately put me in hospital earlier this week with borderline blood-poisoning.
The good news is that with the aid of nine (bloody massive) antibiotic tablets a day, I am doing well and (almost) back to normal, with nearly the full working use of my hands again.
The (slightly) bad news is that I can’t enjoy a glass of red while writing this due to my medication, but it’s ok – I’ll be reunited with my Pinot Noir soon!
Not that I’m keeping count or anything, but it’s only two and a half days until I’m done with my tablets….
But moving on, as usual, there has been a barrel-load of fuckery out of the Sussex camp this last week, and keen not to keep you waiting any longer, let’s get stuck right in!
Meghan’s being compared to Kate
As if there’s any comparison, but anyway… for Meg’s sake, keep your violins handy.
Yes – “sources close to Meghan” (as if there are any of those either) have claimed that Meghan is “well aware” that she is being pitted against The Duchess of Cambridge in the media and by the public.
A “friend” of Meghan (so Serena Williams or Jessica Mulroney) has said that Meghan “is aware that Kate will be Queen” (like the rest of the bloody nation) and finds being compared to her “challenging”.
This person, who let’s face it, is probably also a PR rep for the Sussexes, tells us that any competition is simply absurd, as both women are “more focused on their families than any kind of competition.”
Meghan has been in competition since that ring went on her finger. She has never been able to let any Cambridge news shine in the press without trying to outdo Catherine and her clan with some other rubbish from her own life. Not focused on competition? Please.
Another banger that came out of this shit-arsed article was “William and Kate toe the line – maybe because they have to. But Harry and Meghan are saying no. They’re trying to reset the rules.”
Harry and Meghan are not at the head of the monarchy (though in Meghan’s tiny mind, I’m sure she thinks she’s the Queen herself).
It is not for them to say how the monarchy should be run and what rules should be in place, much less which ones they’re going to play by. And if they want to say “no”, we will happily say “fuck off elsewhere then” right back.
Please, Your Majesty, when are you going to disown these two as well like you have with Andrew? I think it’s well overdue.
Meghan’s higher education letter
No – let me stop you right there – I know what you’re thinking:
“Weren’t these two meant to be on a six week break? Why are we still hearing about them?”
Ah yes, the million dollar question – but not one that any of us are surprised to be asking. I mean honestly – did we really think they’d sod off and leave us in peace?
Keen not to be quiet for too long (just in case we forgot about them), Meghan made it a point to release a letter about the “importance of higher education for women” – because she really does believe in gender equality and women working hard to make a name for themselves in this world without the aid of a man…
It really was a wonderful letter; I mean, without some sad, divorcee crumpet telling us all go to university and why it’s important, no one would’ve even vaguely entertained the idea, much less apply to university.
“Because education expands mind-sets, and those minds can then expand the scope of the world at large. From a micro to a macro level, it is with education that we see great change.” – Meghan Markle, 2019 (or some other poor sod she stole the quote off, as she likes to do so often).
God, she really does love the sound of her own voice. However, we appreciate your efforts Meghan and for you taking the time out of stuffing your arse with turkey to tell us all what to do – as usual.
It was also very kind of the Sussexes to throw out this shit photo, wishing us all a Happy Thanksgiving, as though they give a toss:
Can I also say that I really love how these articles like to talk about the fact that Meghan went to Northwestern, as though she figured out the cure for cancer while she was there, or something.
Whatever degree she got (which quite frankly, I don’t give a rat’s arse about), it was very clearly a waste of time; I don’t think you need a double major in the arts for blowing some guy on 90210 or for stalking a Prince until he marries you.
All you need is a narcissistic streak, a good helping of tenacity and oodles of determination.
And THAT, my loves, they do not teach at Harvard.
Harry and Meghan build another fence
Wouldn’t it be cheaper just to move to outer space at this point?
Yes, after attending a coffee morning with the Coldstream Guards’ families and making themselves seem approachable as they spoke about their own, the Gruesome Twosome have once again taken another contradictory step to shutting their neighbours out.
They have now apparently built a third fence around Frogmore Cottage, probably to keep other members of the Royal Family out, just in case The Queen decides to stop by for tea and an arse-whooping.
The fence, which cost the Crown a rather hefty £12,000, was put up in recent months amid “security concerns” for the couple, while they sat on their arses at home eating kale, doing yoga or whatever else it is they do while they’re in residence.
The bit that baffles me the most is that it was said a while back they they had a team of something like twenty security officers outside this cottage, so why on Earth do they also need three fences? It just smacks of self-importance.
At this point, I’m starting to suspect these railings are to keep Harry IN, rather than keeping other folk out.
No, but honestly, if it’s peace and quiet in the USA that they want, might I suggest the stunning Alcatraz?
– Ideal waterfront location for those wanting the quiet life in San Francisco, California
– 336 stone-walled bedrooms with en-suite facilities
– A private medical facility (the NHS has nothing on this stunning ward)
– Newly refurbished kitchen with all the mod-cons
– High security fences and railings, to ensure trespassers are kept firmly outside (or inside – whichever)
It’s just like the palace, but draughtier – I’m sure they’ll just love it!
Will and Kate “relieved” Haz and Megs won’t be at Christmas
Yep – apparently the Cambridges have breathed a sigh of relief that Harry and Meghan won’t be at Sandringham to spoil Christmas for the royals this year.
However, the articles reporting these claims have also gone on to say that in actual fact, William and Catherine are “supportive” of the Sussexes’ decision to “retreat from the public eye (lol) to celebrate Archie’s first Christmas” and that they actually believe it to be a good decision.
It’s still apparently unclear whether Harry and Meghan are currently in the USA or the UK, but if they are abroad, perhaps the Cambridges’ Christmas gift to them could be a one-way ticket to Bermuda.
Between Andrew and the Sussexes, I’d say the entire damn family are pretty relieved that all the troublemakers will be keeping a low profile this Crimbo.
I’m sure Kate’s organising a festive street party to celebrate their absence as we speak.
The Cambridges and Mary Berry
So I was hearing whisperings last week, and this weekend, it seems to have come to fruition that the Cambridges have done a spot of festive baking with Mary Berry!
These lovely festive treats have been created to help feed those carrying out volunteer work this Christmas, as they aid various UK charities in ensuring those less fortunate are looked after this year. Admittedly I don’t know much about GBBO or Mary Berry (apart from the fact her face scares me a bit), but this is definitely a wonderful cause to champion.
Joining in the baking session was Great British Bake Off winner Nadiya Hussain, who offered a helping hand to the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge as they made meringues for the holiday workers.
While Harry and Meghan may be far away for the holidays this year, they certainly weren’t far from William and Catherine’s minds: the royal couple ensured they enlisted expert chef advice during the cooking session, so that they could bake them something lovely – just a token of their appreciation for all they have done for the family and for Great Britain.
Catherine also enlisted some help, as she prepared a special Christmas surprise for her lovely sister-in-law…
And with the aid of Mary Berry’s team, William and Catherine took away some treats for the Sussexes that they could really be proud of.
As I type, Prince William has just touched down in Kuwait and news stories are circulating of Prince Charles wanting to “streamline” the monarchy… you can bet all that and more will be coming next week!
In the meantime – have a fabulous week, I’ll try and stay out of hospital and let’s get together again next weekend! 💋
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