CrownsOfBritain

Happy Sunday all! Sorry for the delay on the last post – had myself a bit of a break as it was my birthday on Friday and it has been a heavy week or so – I’m only finally feeling slightly human today.

 Apologies in advance if some of the items are a week or so old – but let’s face it, I haven’t chimed in yet and these are all too good not to comment on. 
So without further ado…

Mum shaming Meghan 
So about two weeks ago, there was an article on The Daily Mail from some “PR expert” who threw their toys out of the pram because a lot of us dared to point out that Meghan doesn’t know how to hold her baby properly. 

Of course, because the safety of the child was mentioned, we are once again called “racist bullies” –  because yes, even if Saint Meghan murdered somebody in cold blood, we still have to give her a free pass because she happens to be half black.

Fact is – the woman clearly isn’t comfortable holding a baby, much less her own, which is bizarre as he is three months old and she should sort of grasped the concept by now. 

If you’re holding him the same way I’d cart a pack of bog roll back from the shops, then yes love, you’ll be pulled up on it.

She’s on the world stage and as such, yes, will be criticised for everything that she does.

I remember when Prince William was criticised for apparently not strapping Prince George into his car seat “the correct way” when they left the hospital after his birth  (whatever that is). 

Or when the knives came out during the Cambridges’ first tour as a family in Australia and NZ, because Kate carried her own child down the steps of the aircraft, met with comments such as:

“Why doesn’t she tie her hair back?”
“Why doesn’t William carry George? He’s not carrying anything else!”
“Her dress is flying up – AGAIN!”
“Why is she wearing those stupid heels and walking down steps while carrying a baby?”

So no, it’s not just Mixed Race Meghan who deals with such criticism – everyone seems to forget that Kate did too in her early days as a mother.

Bottom line – this is the life Meghan wanted so she can deal with everything else that comes her way. She won’t be getting any sympathy from me – that’s for sure. 

Ibiza, Nice and Elton John
So I’m sure we all saw the constant headline news that after preaching to us all about our carbon footprint, Harry and Meghan spent the best part of two weeks jetting around Europe on a private jet… because apparently being sixth in line to the throne means you’re too important to fly on a commercial airliner.

The first stop was Ibiza – a far cry from Balmoral Castle, I’m sure you’ll agree. Unless the Queen condones snorting cocaine off a toilet and doing shots at 9am. 

Honestly – why you’d visit the island with a baby, I don’t know. I went once when I was about 19 with my friends and it was a total waste of time and money; it’s overpriced, boring if you’re not a drug taker and 90% of the island’s visitors appear to be imported from Essex. Yeah – no thanks.

In any case, this is where Meghan chose to spend her 38th birthday – in a private villa that cost us (yes, us) £108,000 a week.

As idyllic as it looks, why on earth would two losers and a baby need to spend that much of our money on a villa for five days? I mean really, could our two wonderful faux-manitarians not find a charity that would benefit more from receiving that money than some overpriced villa resort?

And as if that wasn’t bad enough – they then came back to London for a bit before flying on to Nice for another holiday – to recover from their first holiday. 

Yep – Meghan and Harry were snapped disembarking yet another private aircraft in the South of France sometime early last week.

And yes – the Sussex Death Grip was back, with Meghan clutching Archie tightly to her with the same energy I hold onto my glass of wine with on a plane when we hit severe turbulence.

Honestly, she held her stomach like that while pregnant and now he’s out, she’s doing the same thing. Why does she insist on crushing him like that? Meghan hun, he’s only a few months old – you got a few years yet before he tries to make a genuine escape from you.

Also – why they couldn’t just get a British Airways aircraft, I don’t know; I went to Nice for a few days break at the end of last year and before I’d even had a chance to eat a packet of biscuits, we’d already landed. It’s literally an hour and a half flight from London, so I’m slightly baffled. 

But then… Princess Diana’s butt plug Elton John, who has lived with his head up the backside of the royals for the best part of three decades, decided to chime in.

I really have no words for this essay of bullshit he posted, because it’s very clear the point of people’s anger over Harry and Meghan flew completely over his big ginger head.

Yes, we’re pissed off about the money spent on ridiculous Spanish villas, but it’s also the hypocrisy of it all.

Really – is Elton as much of a dipshit as Sussex fans that he doesn’t recall this preaching sesh from Holiday Harry and Magaluf Meg earlier this year?

I don’t give a toss how much of a fan you are of these two, but if you can’t see the blatant hypocrisy and “do as I say, not as I do” attitude, you are seriously dense.

Harry and Meghan are giving everybody the serious middle finger and all we’re being told is how much we need to defend and protect them, by people who are just as stupid as they are.

And then EJ has the audacity to say that it’s all ok, because it was his own private jet and he very kindly planted a few trees to offset the carbon footprint. 

Oh pull the other one, mate. Can you really see Elton John up at the crack of dawn, planting trees so that Harry and Meghan can go on holiday?

This is the same man who last week had two security guards physically CARRY him to a boat because he didn’t want to get his feet wet.

And I don’t know if anybody has told him this, but trees can take up to 30 years to reach their full height, so this isn’t really doing anything for anyone.Archie will have married someone like his mother by then and will be jetting about on his own private plane, further pissing us all off.

And with the number of private jets the Showy Sussexes take, the planet will have all but died out by the time anything grows.
So A* for effort Elton, but you’re wrong. Best stick to playing the piano.

And if Harry and Meghan dare talk to any of us about “carbon footprints” ever again, I daresay the only ones they’ll be dealing with are those they’ll end up with on their backsides from the British public, as their arses are booted off stage.

The Cambridges head to Balmoral

Well we heard the Sussexes were invited originally, so whether that invite was revoked or they simply rejected it, the fact is, they went for Spain over Scotland.
And more fittingly, the Cambridges have joined The Queen and the Duke of Edinburgh at Balmoral instead.

But the better news that came out of this was the fact that they had not only flown on a commercial airliner, but a budget one no less – a £70-per-head FlyBe aircraft from London to Aberdeen, complete with Prince William carrying their own luggage too.

Bet our darling Duchess of Sussex spat out her kale and lemon juice when she saw THAT one in the news.

Yes, Harry and Meghan; two future Kings and a future Queen Consort flew on a budget airline to see the monarch in Scotland. While two self-important twats who won’t ever get a chance to even sniff the throne, opted for a decadent arrival into a country that is literally an hour away.

If I were the Cambridges though, I’d refrain from giving the Sussexes their flight details prior to travel… never know what lengths Meghan will go to to be Queen…

Funnier still, and true to form, the Sussex PR machine was hard at work, claiming that the aircraft the Cambridges used had used actually flown “hundreds of miles” beforehand to pick up the family.

Try again, Meghan. For somebody that spends half her life on an aircraft, you’d think she’d realise that the bullshit story her camp put out doesn’t even make any sense.

Aircrafts do sometimes make journeys without any passengers onboard – it’s usually how they move from one place to another.

And also – the aircraft wasn’t flying to pick up just the Cambridges – there were at least another 100 passengers onboard – most of whom were not even aware the future King and Queen were onboard, as they’re happy flying about without fanfare.

Carole and Michael Middleton were also onboard the aircraft, meaning the Queen has obviously extended an invite for them to join her at her Scottish summer home – while the Sussexes likely did not even get asked.

Yeah – stick that in your pipe and smoke it, Meggers. Maybe you really will be banished to Africa after all. We’ll make sure you’re put on the finest aircraft available.

Harry and Meghan are split up – at Madame Tussaud’s 
Did anyone else laugh as hard as I did at this?

Harry and Meghan’s waxworks at Madame Tussaud’s have been split; and when I say “split”, I mean, Meghan has been removed from the royal family set and dumped alongside Tom Hardy, Priyanka Chopra and the Beckhams… in other words, right where she belongs – amongst other irrelevant, overrated prats.

Madame Tussaud’s tried to wriggle out of questioning by giving some bullshit about how Meghan was moved so it could “reflect her solo celebrity status” – but we all know it was some manager there exercising their sassy nature.

I mean, what solo status? She’s only where she is now because she married someone famous – she didn’t quite make it on her own, so that’s a load of crap for one.  

Moving Meghan’s mannequin from the rest of the royal family waxworks is quite a daring move – either a foresight on their part, they know something we don’t or the public complained about having a D-list actress ruining the royal family’s set.

Given the real-life figures are usually glued to each other, I imagine it took a blowtorch and chainsaw to separate the waxworks, but the Madame Tussaud’s staff seemed determined to part them – and part them they did.

Now just for the REAL separation announcement… 

Ok folks, that’s all for now; will try and keep up with posts from here on out.

Speaking of French jaunts, I’m off on my own birthday trip to the North of France on Tuesday, so will be fairly quiet on social media while I eat all the bread and cheese the country has to offer.
If you’re in the UK, enjoy the long weekend and I’ll see you all next week (when I’m heavier and more tanned than I am now).
💋💋💋