Royal round-up: 23rd June

Happy Sunday all! Kinda proud of myself for making it in time for this week’s round-up, because it looked almost impossible at times. But after a 12-hour sleep last night, I’m awake and ready to go!

Well a fair bit has happened in the last week, so without further ado, let’s get cracking!

Father’s Day and Archie

As sure as the sun will rise, Meghan will too arise from her lair to ensure that any big event in the world’s calendar will be firmly attached to her name or that of her offspring’s… So as you can recognise, Father’s Day this year was no exception.

Yep, as predicted – we were “treated” to a photo of Archie last weekend.

As much as I dislike Meghan, I’m not going to strike out at an innocent child, but all I will say is that this photo was totally and completely pointless.

A “photo” of your child, where barely even half his face is visible, shielded by your husband’s bloody massive hand? 

“Sshh, quiet Archie.”

If I’ve laboured the point on this before, I apologise, but I’m so baffled by their desperate need to hide his face. 

It was the same during his first public appearance at Windsor Castle – they had to be asked TWICE to show him properly to the cameras, as Harry practically smothered him in his own shawl to prevent the press getting a clear shot of his face. 

Seriously, that kid was decked out in so many items of clothing to hide him – baby-grow, blanket, hat, etc – he was essentially dressed for a trek through the Arctic.

They’re either trying to hide something or are playing at being “celebrities”, where they do that stupid self-important thing of sharing a “photo of the child” while totally obscuring the kid’s face. Seriously… 

And this time, not only is Harry’s large hand blocking half his son’s face (in another attempt to stop him from breathing perhaps), but Meghan has also whacked on a heavy “sepia” filter, meaning the photo isn’t very clear at all. 

Honestly, I can’t tell where Harry’s arm hair ends and Archie’s head hair begins, but whatever – I don’t particularly care anyway. 

The only thing that surprises me is that Meghan didn’t manage to somehow shove her head or face in the photo either.

“Don’t forget about ME, guys!”

Archie’s christening 

A lot of Archie news this week – yes, they have announced his christening will take place at Windsor Castle next month.

Yes. Windsor Castle. Again. Do they know there are other places you can visit in life?

I’m starting to wonder if perhaps Meghan has been caught shoplifting tiaras from Tiffany’s or something and has been put on house arrest by the police, because she really doesn’t like to leave the Frogmore/Windsor vicinity at all ever, I’ve noticed.

“Good luck arresting me bitches, I’m still in bloody Berkshire!”

In any case, Archie Harrison will be baptised at St. George’s Chapel in Windsor Castle – the same place Meghan and Harry got married a year ago. No doubt Serena Williams and Elton John will be godparents, alongside Jessica MoleRat and Camel Clooney. Can’t wait.

The Queen won’t be in attendance as she’ll be away at Balmoral for her summer holidays – the timing of which she obviously planned quite well, as I imagine she’d rather contract Ebola than attend that total farce – but Charles, Camilla and the rest of them will turn out to watch an untitled, very distant 7th in line be christened. I’m sure William and Catherine are desperately thinking of excuses to get out of going already.

“Well, it’s not like we could’ve gone, Wills…”

So how do we think Meghan will maximise press coverage for this event? Announce another pregnancy live from the Chapel? Ride through Windsor in another carriage procession, holding Archie aloft? Fly in on a unicorn? Predictions welcome and will be reviewed following said christening. 

Megan goes to Scotland

That’s right – Meghan, Harry and Archie are Balmoral-bound this summer to spend some quality time with the Queen. Or rather – be situated somewhere she can actually keep an eye on them – right under her nose. 

It was revealed this week that Meghan will spend her 38th birthday in August out in the sticks of Scotland – likely fishing for haddock, collecting berries and knitting tartan kilts. 

I don’t know what disturbs me more; the image of the above, or the fact that she’s an August baby just like me.

Yes, I can just see it now; Meghan, after one too many Highland whiskies, tripping and falling in the mud somewhere, forever destroying her fave Hunter wellies.

“Fucking hell Harry, will you WAIT for me!”

No for real though, I’m sure there was a time where Meghan spent her birthday snorting cocaine off an LA nightclub toilet and dancing until 5am, so I’m sure she’s just thrilled about having to spend her next birthday with a 93-year-old and her ginger, demanding baby in the middle of fucking nowhere. Oh, and Archie.

Something tells me that when she thought “princess”, this is not exactly what she had in mind.

It could just be a rumour and whether they go or not remains to be seen – I mean, it IS pretty far outside of Windsor and we know old Meggers gets anxious leaving Berkshire. But something tells me they’ll go. Let’s face it, what else does she have to do these days, besides change nappies and order Harry about? 

It’s ok Meghan; you can make it a really quick trip if the idea of it bores you to tears – and if all else fails and you really wanna get out of it, you can always ask Prince Phillip to pick you up from the train station. I’m sure he’d be only too happy to oblige.

“Don’t worry Meghan, I’m on my way.”

Meghan and Harry – going to Africa? And editing Vogue?

So apparently Meghan and Harry’s first trip overseas with Archie is going to be to Africa: yes, the Sussexes are allegedly being sent to the Southern part of the continent to follow-up on some of the charity work Princess Diana undertook before her death. 

Well, I’m sure Meghan is just fucking thrilled with that one. She asked for America and got Africa – I’m sure some of the Queen’s fine china met the walls of Frogmore Cottage when THAT piece of information was shared with them.

“I said ‘Los Angeles’, NOT ‘Lesotho’!”

But once Meghan had calmed down, realised it was still an opportunity to be in the tabloids and had pounded a stiff Chardonnay, I’m sure she dropped Archie, raced over to her MacBook and began furiously googling any outfits Diana had worn in Africa, just to make sure she emulated them perfectly. 

Oh wait sorry, she’s done that already, a la India.

“This is my best faux humanitarian/I-really-do-give-a-shit/saintly Diana expression, so the cameras better have fucking caught it.”

Seriously, if there was any doubt that the Sussexes were being sidelined, I think the Queen’s recent actions have left little room for questioning.

Africa instead of America, being left out of the big banquets and shoved to the back of the Buckingham Palace balcony for flypasts? 

Yeah, the Palace has definitely spoken. 

It’s rather clear after the shambles that was Australia, the Queen has decided against having them represent any Commonwealth nations in the near future – probably best to leave that to the future King and Queen Consort, who have it down to a fine art by now.

Quite frankly, it’s time Harry and Meghan took their places at backseat royals.

But fear not Sussex fans – Meghan will be plenty busy, as it was announced last week that she will be editing the September issue of Vogue. I think I speak for all of us when I say:

Nope, you didn’t misread what I wrote; possibly the biggest fashion magazine on the planet have indeed asked a woman who cannot dress to save her life – to edit an issue of their magazine. Honestly, the mind boggles. It’s like asking Stevie Wonder to paint a portrait of the Queen.

So what can we expect from Meghan’s input? Probably segments that feature items of ill-fitting clothing, lots of Givenchy and questionable elbow-high leather gloves. 

Or, y’know, merching whatever Jessica Mulroney has asked her to. I’m telling you, Jessica is currently wetting her knickers in excitement at the prospect of shoving all her ugly shit in Meghan’s direction for Vogue.

“Oh my God Meghan, take THIS, this and definitely THIIIIIIS!”

In any case, I hope they double check whatever Meghan has put in there once she’s done; the whole thing echoes of 4-year-old me, desperate to wash the dishes after dinner – so my parents would let me stand on a chair at the sink, waste about ten gallons of water, put the (still dirty) dishes on the drying rack and leave – pleased with myself for “helping”. 

When in reality they’d wait for me to go to bed so they could hurriedly wash and dry all items without me seeing and getting pissed off.

Yep – I have a feeling the theme will be similar in the Vogue offices come September.

Will and Kate’s security detail run over an OAP


Yes, as The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge zoomed through Richmond the other day, about to break out onto the big open road (Ascot-bound, I believe), it appears one of their security motorbikes hit an elderly lady as she attempted to cross the road.

Unfortunately, the 83-year-old was injured quite badly and is recovering in hospital now. Apparently the Duke and Duchess sent flowers and a card to say sorry; but y’know, if I was over 80 and had been hit by the motorcade of two over-privileged people, I’d tell them exactly where they could put their flowers.

“Up one’s Royal arse.”

No, I’m totally kidding – we all know I love Will and Kate and I’m sure they’re genuinely shocked by what happened… but, y’know, they could’ve gotten out of the car at the very least or perhaps even pulled over? 

I don’t know, but I think it’s slightly poor form to have your security mow down an OAP and then zoom on down the M4 because you don’t want to be late for the races.

“Tally ho, driver! Those horses aren’t going to bet on themselves!”

In any case, we wish Irene Mayor a speedy recovery and hope she’s fighting fit again soon 💐

Well, that’s all for this week folks; there are a couple of things I’ve left out but I will add these next week – let’s face it, there’s always lots to talk about in Royal World.

Until then, have a lovely week all and I’ll catch you next weekend! 

28 responses to “Royal round-up: 23rd June”

  1. Edwina Lindeman avatar
    Edwina Lindeman

    As always thanks for the laughs!!!

    1. Thank you lovely! ❤️

  2. My rather pointless question: Are the Sussex family not sufficiently guarded? Is someone going to run off with little Archie if they see his wee face? I have never liked MM but now I question her bloated face as well as her sanity.
    Don’t wish them any harm; just hope they relocate to Africa.

    1. This is what I never get – aside from the president of the USA, I’m fairly certain our royal family have the best security money can buy. I think they’re just trying to create an air of mystery but failing miserably. He’s a baby – no one really gives a shit what he looks like. Either show his face or don’t bother at all. And I totally agree – I do hope they go to Africa also, although I suspect that won’t happen as a semi-permanent move; can’t see Meghan going along with that!

  3. Absolutely LOVE ❤️ your blog!

    1. Thank you so much darling! 💛

  4. Perhaps William and Catherine were not aware of the accident involving a motorcycle? It could have happened out of their sight and they only became aware of it later thus they feel awful I am sure and sent a card and flowers. More than likely they will even visit the old lady and family too. It could be touchy though if the people feel they are responsible. It is not like they were driving the motorcycle that hit the woman or even driving the car they were in. More than likely they were in the backseat being driven to their destination and totally unaware of what happened until later.

    1. I was only teasing in my blog – I doubt they were aware. There are motorcycles behind their vehicle also, as well as in front – could well have been one of them. I live close to Richmond and know exactly where she was struck – it’s a really busy area near a petrol station that leads out onto the M4. Cars do fly by, but also, I’ve seen a lot of security vehicles go through for members of the BRF and for the PM and it’s a tricky area to navigate. Nobody’s fault and it was nice of them to send flowers and a card – I’m sure they’re feeling a bit guilty.

  5. I love your posts. I was wondering why people always joke about her throwing dishes? I think I missed a story because I see that referenced a lot. Thank you!

    1. Thank you so much! 💖 and actually I have to say, I don’t think anything like that has ever happened – just funny to imagine her flinging the Queen’s china around. There was only one story last year that had said she had apparently thrown something at a member of palace staff in Australia during a hissy fit, but I’m not sure if that’s true or not.

  6. You nailed it!….Great writing.

    1. Thank you so much my darling! ❤️

  7. All of the negative stories about her can’t be lies. Ever since they were married, stories have surfaced about splitting from collaborations with Will & Kate, Harry cutting out old friends, moving from location to location, reports of going to the US, or Africa…an extra elaborate baby shower she had to know would make for bad optics, continuing to spend money like water for clothes despite the bad press about it, not to mention the numerous staffers who have left. I don’t care for my husband’s family but I make every effort to get a long with them because they are his family and I don’t want to put him in the middle. She could be fostering his relationship with William instead of encouraging them to break every tie. A truly private couple would not have a separate social media account of be looking to start a “global brand” which is right up her Tig alley but makes no sense for a member of the British monarchy. Her pathology is truly on display.

    1. I agree totally. There are so many negative stories that I can’t imagine it’s just some hate campaign by the media to smear her name – I’m sure there’s an element of truth to these claims. I don’t believe everything I read, but a lot of what has been said about her is incredibly realistic – I.e. her having a go at Windsor Castle staff when tasting the dishes for her wedding and the Queen having a word with her. I can see her doing that as she clearly thinks she’s hot shit now. Her true colours have definitely come to the surface and I wonder how long it will be before Harry sees this – if he hasn’t already that is.

  8. I so thoroughly enjoy both your writing and the graphics. You have a wonderful way of expressing your thoughts and I can always count on a laugh while being educated about something I might have missed. Thank you!

    1. Thank you so much, I really appreciate that! 💛

  9. Yay, another roundup!

    Kate can claim she has to get her hair done – she’s used the excuse before missing the Irish Guards, shopping and got her hair done. I wish she’d do it again for this christening. I wouldn’t criticise her then! They were late to the Garter event, William refusing to attend except go to the procession, missing the service and the luncheon. Typical.

    That poor baby is going to be used as a PR prop and accessory for Meghan so many times. I pity the little mite. ‘My parents are so entitled they demand HRH but refuse to allow me anything!’ I often wonder if Meghan was upset she didn’t have the coveted daughter – her uncle said she wouldn’t know what to do with a boy, probably true. Can’t make a little feminist dressed in mummy and me outfits now!

    I wonder what will be going on with Vogue. I 100% believe the rumour. Absolutely. Meghan was dying for this kind of fame and got it by marrying Harry (what a feminist!).

    1. Thank you so much! 💖 and I agree totally – wouldn’t actually put it past them to raise him gender fluid, just for the attention if nothing else. Meghan’s not a feminist; that includes a large degree of independence and she very clearly doesn’t have that. Couldn’t make a name for herself anywhere else so had to marry a Prince – go figure. She’s definitely achieved the global notoriety she wanted now and I don’t think harry is anything more than a stepping stone for her. Will be interesting to see what she does next because I can’t see her staying in the BRF…

  10. She is so fame hungry or as we in the US say,”She’s THIRSTY!” Ugh that poor baby is going to be pawned off in the biggest dog and pony show ever. If William and Kate either skip out OR announce her being pregnant a fourth time around the christening, that will MAKE MY LIFE! Hahahahah!! I will have to skim through the Vogue issue she “edits” when it’s out on the stands at the grocery store. Won’t be buying that one, as if I buy any of them though. I’m not a huge fan. I feel for certain she’ll get knocked up in the next 6 months to secure a bigger divorce settlement. I see this shit show lasting 12-18 more months tops.

  11. Ah, yes THANK you for mentioning the Vogue edit. I cringe with anticipation: an entire issue of Vogue out of focus and sepia-toned.

    p.s. LOVE reading these!
    p.p.s. The dish washing story – brill!

    1. Thank you so much love! 💖 glad you’re enjoying the blog! Can’t wait for Vogue either – bet that will be an epic shit show!

  12. Spot on, Saffy! I agree Mugs is being transitioned out; maybe being suffocated in the country with no pap walks or merching is part of the strategy. We’ll see how long she lasts. She’s going to hate Balmoral, too — if that story is even true. I think it may have been put out by her PR team to show how special she is and how the Queen favours her above all other family members. Wish I could see her face when they serve haggis and neeps for supper.

    1. Thank you darling! 💛 and I agree completely – your last sentence made me laugh! Totally true – this kind of life isn’t for her I feel. Oh dear…

  13. I came across your blog by chance, and oh my goodness I haven’t stopped laughing ! I was beginning to think I was the only one thinking everything you say (not counting DM comments !) I love how you say it as you see it, all with a great sense of humour ! What a breath of fresh air and common sense ! So pleased I found your blog !

    1. Your comment is one of the loveliest I’ve ever received and I really appreciate it – thank you so much 💖 hope you continue to enjoy it 😊😊

  14. Canadian in the USA avatar
    Canadian in the USA

    FINALLY someone with some common sense to verbalize what so many of us are thinking but we’re too scared to say anything for fear of being labeled racist. I live in the USA and the level of political correctness is out of control. The media wouldn’t dare say a bad thing about her because that would be considered racist. Any feedback or criticism is considered racist. Thank you for putting your thoughts out there without fear. it is hugely validating to read that someone has the same thoughts as I do. And love the graphics!!

    1. Thank you SO much lovely, I really appreciate that 💛 it’s such a shame people are now so scared of voicing their views due to the doxxing that went on in the early days. Unbelievably unfair. I’m so glad you’re enjoying the blog though and hope you keep reading!

  15. I think there’s a difference between racism (which I don’t condone) and simply having common sense about a situation. I’ve thought there’s been something odd going on since that first engagement interview when she claimed she didn’t know much about the royal family. Heh??? There are just as many royal watchers here in the US as there are anywhere else.

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: