CrownsOfBritain

First of all, I’m sorry this is so unbelievably late! In fact I’m so late with last weekend’s royal round-up, that it’s in time for this week’s one…

Honestly, I’m not sure what happened; other than having a totally manic five days, dealing with lazy colleagues and others who think “feeling a bit dizzy” is an excuse not to come into work the whole week and leaving you to handle a massive board meeting in their absence. 

But that’s enough about me – I know I’m a week behind, but without further ado, let’s get stuck in:

Trooping the Colour 

Good God, where do I begin?

I knew there’d be a lot of material to discuss if Meghan showed up, but this is a bit more than I initially thought. 

Yes, as previously predicted, Meghan was in attendance for this year’s Trooping the Colour. Show of hands who was surprised by this, please?

What are my thoughts? Well I hate to drag a woman who just (allegedly) gave birth, but she did not look too good. For some reason, her face is a lot fuller than it was a month ago and her eyes were a lot narrower – no idea what was going on there. Been crying? Hayfever? Too much Botox? It’s anyone’s guess.

And once again, trowelled on the highlighter and bronzer, wore a dress that was too casual and dark for the occasion and the hat looked left her head looking as flat as Pingu’s.

The dress looked like a t-shirt dress from BooHoo and I’m honestly not sure why she wore such a dark colour when that’s not usually the done thing at Trooping. Did she think it would make her look slimmer or did she just not get the dress code memo, so wore whatever fell out of her closet first?

Can somebody also please explain to me why she keeps carrying gloves around with her? From what I’ve seen, she wore them for all of two minutes before carrying them in her hand the rest of the time – something she likes to do a lot for some reason. 

Did someone tell her she looks classy?

Does she think she looks Victorian?

Why is she wearing leather gloves in June?

There are so many questions.

Meghan hun, if you’re reading this, please note that this “trend” doesn’t make you look like sophisticated. I feel like you’re trying to channel Cinderella, but instead, have wound up looking like a cross between Dita Von Teese and Jack The Ripper. It’s not a thing. Please leave the gloves at home. 

But in any case, back to the day’s events; one of the most painful moments in history, alongside Kanye’s “Ima-let-you-finish” and Jessica Simpson not knowing the difference between tuna and chicken, was Kate and Camilla having to share a carriage with The Sussexes. As you can see, Camilla looks utterly thrilled at the travel arrangements:

Luckily it’s only a short procession, so Catherine and Camilla didn’t have to suffer for too long; they were probably up and out of that carriage faster than you could say “the Crown Jewels”:

Then came the balcony appearance(s); there’s always the initial one, where some members stand on the balcony to “greet” the Queen’s carriage as it pulls in – and for the first one, Harry and Meghan were notably missing, which panicked me for a few seconds: Oh fuck, please don’t tell me they’re preparing to bring Archie out? 

Honestly guys, I would NOT have put it past them to bring a one-month-old out onto the balcony just to upstage the Cambridges and Louis’s first appearance. My eyes were scanning that back row Columbo-style as they all came out for the flypast, but I was super relieved to see they hadn’t brought him out. I mean, unfortunately Meghan was still there, but I guess we can’t get everything we want.

Let’s be real here, little Prince Louis totally stole the show. He is the King of facial expressions and I find the little chap so entertaining. He spent the entire time wriggling about, pointing at the planes in the sky and waving to everyone – really quite astute for a one-year-old. It was really nice to see the Cambridge family all together.  

However, it should be noted that the Cambridges and Sussexes were stood as far away from each other as humanely possible on that balcony.

Whether this was because the BRF didn’t want Meghan and Harry clouding Louis’s first shots on the balcony or because they re-thought last year’s arrangement and realised it wasn’t too clever having Kate stand near the edge with Meghan right behind her – I don’t know. 

But either way, there was a massive shift this year – maybe for photographic reasons or perhaps to avoid a balcony murder. Either one.

A lot happened at this year’s TTC and we should also draw attention to the fact that Prince Harry seemingly told Meghan off at one point during the flypast.

Meg, keen to be part of the conversation Harry was having with somebody behind her (I think it was Princess Eugenie’s husband Jack?) fully turned to face Harry with her back to the crowds, prompting her Prince to quickly become annoyed and tell her in a not-so-loving way to “turn around”. 

Well – he might have said it in a far sterner way with a few expletives in there, but I’m giving you the clean version.  

I actually felt a little sorry for Meghan; when she turned back to face the front, her face crumpled like she was going to cry. Putting my thoughts on her aside for one minute, she’s a new mother and was probably feeling somewhat vulnerable and worried about her first appearance in public since having Archie – your husband telling you off on the Buckingham Palace balcony in front of the entirety of Britain doesn’t really help matters either. 

Judging by his irritated, furious expression, maybe next year they should rethink standing Harry behind her. Bloody hell, it’s becoming like musical chairs on that balcony.

Meghan and Harry’s “leaked” wedding photos 

Of course, just before Meghan made her appearance at TTC, there had to be “leaked wedding photos” of Meghan and Harry come out they very same day, after their wedding photographer’s laptop was allegedly “hacked”.

I don’t know if the actual photos were released, largely because I didn’t give enough of a shit to scope it out, but no doubt they were more photos of Meghan gazing “adoringly” up at Harry, making sure the photographer got good shots of the ring and tiara. Or more snaps of them with their backs to the camera, because they think this looks artistic for some reason, when all I can notice is Harry’s bald patch, Meghan’s ratty extensions and one unfortunate occasion when His Royal Highness The Duke of Sussex had a serious wedgie.

As usual though, the timing was perfect; Meghan had found a way to make sure she was in the limelight in her own right – rather than just being stuck behind James, Viscount Severn at the back of the Buckingham balcony crowd, and being told off by her husband for deigning to speak to him during a flypast. 

I gotta hand it to the woman, she’s clever; she knew her attention for the day would be shared with Prince Louis, due to it being his first appearance on the balcony, so she had to make sure gossip rags were talking about her in relation to something other than Trooping The Colour. Unlucky for her though, nobody really gave a shit.

And what’s all this “leaked” rubbish? Didn’t we get “treated” to yet more “unseen” photographs to mark their first (and possibly last) wedding anniversary? Honestly – you had a wedding. Nobody cares. 

Harry and Meghan moving to America?

So I’ve seen a fair bit this last week or so on the notion that Meghan apparently wants to move Harry and Archie to the USA. 

I say – go for it! Pack your shit, book your plane tickets and feel free to bugger off. I don’t think the taxpayers of Britain will actually give a rat’s arse – just three less benefit scroungers to support financially. 

Harry can get a part-time job in Walmart, Meghan can ensure she’s cast in the next season of “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” and the UK won’t have to pay for them anymore – everyone’s a winner!

Seriously though, can you actually see Prince Harry moving to California? It’s somewhat unlikely. His ass too pale for that climate.

And I don’t know if anybody’s told Meghan this yet, but they won’t be supported financially by the Crown if they move to California… because, y’know, it’s not a commonwealth nation and they won’t be carrying out engagements on behalf of the Queen – unless she calls on them to open the newest Arby’s branch somewhere. 

Somehow I highly doubt this.

I wonder when Harry will get it into his thick skull that he is totally being taken for a ride by this woman. Judging by his face on the balcony last weekend, he is slowly growing his balls back, but there’s a long way to go and I do think she’s still very much in the driving seat with this one. 

If you’re a Prince of the UK and your wife, a failed Z-list actress, is actually managing to persuade you to leave the Crown behind and move across the Atlantic, you’re either seriously whipped or intentionally trying to cause damage to your family.

In any case, I do think Harry will see the light before that boarding pass is in his hand; he’s not stupid enough to get off the royal gravy train and move to the USA – I mean really, what would he do there anyway? He’d actually have to get a job and do some hard graft – and the way Meghan spends, whatever he does have now will be gone very quickly. 

Nah – Meghan will be going to back to the USA, but one thing’s for certain – it won’t be with Harry and Archie. 

There are a few other items that have come up today that I want to go over, but I’ll do this next week – honestly, my brain is so saturated I couldn’t even spell my surname the other day, much less piece together a blog entry with all the trimmings. 

But I’ll be back next week – I promise!

Until then, have a lovely rest of the weekend and a very Happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there – and to the single mothers who play both roles in their children’s lives 💞

Have a great week, all! xx