I’m a little late, but better late than never – so let’s dive right in!
Trump State Visit
So let’s start by looking at the news of the hour – POTUS and FLOTUS have arrived in the United Kingdom today for a state visit. I know this is technically this week’s news, but do bear with me – last week was slow for royalty and I need something to write about.
They’ve already been hosted by Charles and Camilla at Clarence House this afternoon for tea, and as I type this, they have just arrived for the State Dinner at Buckingham Palace.
Of course earlier today, Prince Charles thought it’d be a good idea to invite his younger son, Prince Harry, to join them for lunch. Let’s face it, he wasn’t invited to anything else, so perhaps they thought they’d be kind and throw him a bone.
Well, they needn’t have bothered.
I knew it wouldn’t be long after Archie’s arrival that he’d lose that massive grin he had on his face for all of a week. Yes, today, we didn’t only see the return of the Trumps into the UK, but also of Harry’s Smacked-Arse expression.
Nope – poor old Harry couldn’t crack a smile even when faced with leggy, attractive, blonde Ivanka, who’d normally be right up his alley– but he knew deep down his wife was at home, her beady eyes trawling through the Daily Mail, looking for photos of Harry and the President’s daughter even so much as breathing in each other’s direction so she could throw some of the Queen’s china at him when he came in through the door.
Nope, even greeting her or glancing at her was totally off-limits.
Of course, his sullen expression could be because him and his wife weren’t invited to the State Dinner tonight. Charles and William probably entertained the idea of having him there for all of ten seconds, before realising he’d probably get pissed from one too many sherries and tell the President of the United States exactly what he thought of him.
Or yes – it could be the latter. Harry failed to crack a smile today because Donald Trump had allegedly called his wife “nasty”.
Well, actually – he didn’t and what he did say was taken out of context by the media, so it’s an unfair accusation; it’s the first time Donald Trump has said “fake news” and I’ve actually agreed with him.
But, if he had said it, well…
- He wouldn’t be wrong, would he?
- Most of us find her “nasty” anyway, regardless of anything the President may or may not have said.
- To be fair, she did liken him to a sexual disease (one that she’s probably had) so fair’s fair.
Nah, in all honesty, I don’t think Harry is that upset about missing out on a stuffy dinner. But I’ll bet his wife is fucking livid – especially since Kate’s there in a sash and tiara and Meghan’s been locked at home for nearly a month with a screaming baby. And missing a dinner for her own President? Batten down the hatches, guys…
In any case, it’ll be interesting to see how the rest of this week pans out. Maybe Trump and Sadiq Khan will go out on the lash together and knock ten bells out of each other in the street after outside The Queen’s Head in Islington – proper British style.
The Sussexes and the LGBT community
So yesterday, Harry and Meghan apparently declared their support for the LGBT community.
Ok, I totally agree and back them also, but why must the Sussexes spoil everything?
Let’s be real here – we all know they’re only going after causes that will make them look more popular, because they’re aware most people can’t fucking stand them.
I mean, did you have to formally back them, just to make yourselves look more “modern” and “down to earth”?
It’s a nice gesture and all (or it would be if it wasn’t for their own personal gain) but we sort of just assumed you weren’t homophobes anyway? Nobody needed a public declaration from two benefit scroungers.
Honestly, their movements are so predictable. When they announced they were going to be supporting Baby2Baby around the time Archie was born, I rolled my eyes so hard back into my head, I may as well have been a Great White Shark.
Yes – Baby2Baby. The most “celebrity” charity to back. I’m not taking anything away from them, and it’s all for a good cause, but they surely must have the entire state of California advocating for them at the minute. Can’t Ginger and Nutmeg find a smaller, lesser-known charity with a great cause to support, rather than just riding on the coat tails of a bunch of Z-listers from LA because it’s the “in” thing to do?
And of course – this “grand announcement” was made on their Instagram with a collage Meghan no doubt made herself, considering she managed to force a picture of her and Harry in there yet again. Even though the picture was taken at a world AIDS Day Event, I fail to see what Harry laughing and Meghan playing with her hair has to do with the cause, but perhaps I’m missing something.
“Love is love”, the grifter writes, once again stealing a quote from somebody else.
Yeah, pull the other one, Sussex; the only time Meghan has probably felt true love toward something was when she saw the balance in the royal bank account for the first time.
Honestly, if I were a member of the LGBT community, I’d be truly offended; not just because the Sussexes kill anything they turn their hand to but because they’ve used a bunch of photos related to AIDS to represent the gay community. Charming. Because apparently that’s the first thing that comes to mind. Is she a moron?
I think anybody within that circle has been subjected to enough in their lives already without having two fame-hungry halfwits exploit them further.
To those who are LGBT 🏳️🌈, I can only apologise on the Sussexes’ behalf.
Trooping the Colour
So, the day is almost upon us; just five days to go until the BRF make their way out on the balcony for the Queen’s official birthday parade, engage in awkward small talk and pretend they don’t regularly consider pushing each other off the balcony… (Charles especially – he’s been waiting bloody ages to be King.)
There have been a lot of questions; will Prince Louis be on the balcony for the first time ever? Will Meghan make an appearance? And what colour hat and dress will Kate wear?
Well – the answers in order are as follows:
a) Yes, Louis will be there
b) Ideally Meghan won’t
c) If she is, I don’t know what colour Kate’s hat will be, but I hope it’s large enough to ensure we can’t see Markle’s mug in any of the photos
Failing that of course, she could always hold Louis up high enough to ensure Meghan’s blocked out nicely. They almost managed it last year while she was carrying Charlotte and there are many props to work with here.
Honestly, do I think Meghan will make an appearance? I’m undecided, but unfortunately, I’m leaning more towards “yes, she will”.
Thinking about it, it’s really not too soon; Archie was born almost a month ago and Kate returned to the balcony just six and eight weeks respectively following the births of Charlotte and Louis – it’s not beyond the realm of possibility that she’d attend.
And alongside that, I can’t imagine she’d want to miss out on all the attention of everyone talking about “Meghan’s big comeback”, like she came back from landing on the fucking moon or something, rather than just having had a baby like billions of women before her.
It has been confirmed that Prince Louis will be there, so not one to let a toddler hog the limelight, we know Meghan will likely show up, newborn baby or not.
The only reason I think she’d stay away is because if she isn’t back to her pre-baby body yet, which I doubt she is, she won’t want to stand on a balcony in front of millions of people.
Let’s face it, she’s too “Hollywood” (in her mind, anyway) to go out there looking anything less than amazing. Well… as “amazing” as Meghan can look anyway, with her overdone highlighter, messy hair and long scruffy trousers sweeping the floor. Very regal.
Either way, all will be revealed on Saturday and I’m sure if she’s in attendance, it’ll be a show you won’t want to miss.
Until then, have a good one guys and I’ll see you next week! 💋 x