CrownsOfBritain

With the birth of Baby Sussex First Edition somewhat imminent now, I’ve decided to jot down a (fairly) short list of items I expect to happen surrounding the arrival — more so that I can look back at it within the next couple of months and marvel about how many of my predictions were accurate. Yes, I do believe Meghan is that predictable.

There’s a lot of speculation about Meghan and her pregnancy at the moment; will it be a boy or a girl? What will they call it? Is she actually pregnant or using a surrogate? When is the divorce announcement? We’re getting fed up now.

So with that, I give you my below list of seven things I expect to happen in regards to Meghan and Harry’s kid.

She’ll give birth at home 
Like I’ve said, I’m still undecided on whether or not she is actually pregnant. Some days I’m convinced she’s not and other days, I think there is a good chance she is. I’m not totally convinced either way. However, I do think a home birth at Frogmore Cottage or in the Cotswolds is likely and this is more in-keeping with the assumption that she is not actually carrying the child herself.
Let’s say she’s not, for example: royal or not, a hospital can’t lie about the details on the delivery of a child; that is why, back in the day, the Home Secretary was required to be present for royal births, especially that of an heir to the throne, to verify that the child had actually, er, come out of the royal mother’s… “Buckingham Palace garden”, as it were.

This may no longer be required, but it doesn’t mean that a hospital can pretend that Meghan had given birth if she hadn’t, and as the couple are now moving to Windsor, I do think a home birth is likely.
 
None of the queen’s medical staff will be present 
It was said around the time of her pregnancy announcement that Meghan had already had her twelve-week scan — and then another story emerged that she had apparently “refused” to be seen by the Queen’s medical team.

Let me just start off by saying, I don’t understand why she did this (unless she’s using a surrogate); all pregnant women want the best care possible while expecting, and if you have access to the bloody QUEEN’S medical team, why would you decline this?
In any case, due to this (and IF a surrogate is being used), I don’t think it’s likely any of the Queen’s medical staff will oversee the birth. The Queen’s physician, John Cunningham, was part of the team that delivered William and Kate’s children, so it will be interesting to see if his name comes up this time, or if indeed the medical staff for baby Sussex are named at all – my guess is not. And it will be very telling if they aren’t.

There’ll be an appearance 
Not one to miss a photo opportunity, I’m convinced there’ll be a “post-baby appearance” for Meghan and Sussex Spawn, likely outside Frogmore Cottage if she decides to “deliver” at home, and assuming that’s where they are going to be living by then. Some people are speculating they’ll just release a photo of the three of them, but I doubt it; do we really think Meghan’s going to pass up the chance to have the cameras and world’s media on her while she presents her mealticket to everyone? Doubtful. Anything Kate does, she has to do better.

If the baby is delivered in a hospital, I still reckon they’ll plump for a London one over Windsor (possibly St. Mary’s) for maximum media coverage; let’s be real, unless the kid is hanging out of her and they’re worried the child will make it’s grand entrance in the backseat of four-by-four with royal security looking on, they’ll be able to get to a London hospital fairly quickly. Windsor is not that far away and I’ll be very surprised indeed if there isn’t some kind of appearance for the baby, Lion King-style, a day or so after the birth.

They won’t give the baby a Victorian name
Trying to be as modern as possible, I can’t see Sparkle Markle going for “Albert” or “Mary” when it comes to naming the kid. They may pick something totally unexpected, may name the kid after the Queen (slightly doubtful though) or… the unthinkable… may name the baby Diana if it’s a girl. I’m about 99% sure they will do this if it’s a daughter, just so Meghan can garner further press attention if nothing else. For this reason alone, I’m hoping to God it’s a boy.

I would say that I don’t think William would stand for Markle dragging his mum’s name into all of this, but considering him and Harry look as though they’d rather die than speak to each other these days, I’m sure the Sussexes won’t give a toss and will go ahead and do whatever they please– just like they have been for the last year anyway.
And can you really see Meghan naming it something like “Mary Elizabeth Victoria Henrietta”? I think not.

The child won’t be a Prince or Princess
As it stands, the kid isn’t due to receive an official title, so it isn’t looking likely at this point that it will be an HRH Prince or Princess.
The Queen does meet with her Privy Council quarterly though, with the next one taking place this month (if it hasn’t already) and this is usually where the changes to any titles or letters patent are made. The last meeting before this was in December, two months after the pregnancy announcement, so I feel like if she was going to change it, she would’ve done then, but… unfortunately, there’s still time yet.
However, if not changed, the titles will be “Lady [insert name] Mountbatten-Windsor” for a girl and “Earl of Dumbarton” for a boy, taking Harry’s Scottish designation.

The only reason I think the Queen may grant an HRH title is because the child will likely become a Prince or Princess upon Charles’s accession to the throne anyway, so they may decide to cut out the middle man, but… I’m hoping not.
And then there’s the fact that Meghan and Harry apparently “didn’t want their kids growing up in a goldfish bowl” and wanted them to live “privately”, so… here’s your chance. Refuse the titles, get real jobs and stop riding the royal gravy train.

If Meghan is such a feminist, and a large part of that is independence, why does she need her children to have a title to get anywhere in life? Especially if it’s a daughter, she should be able to do that on her own accord, not with the aid of a royal title. Best to say ‘no’ then, if they are offered.

Your Majesty, if by any chance you’re reading this while snaffling your lunchtime sandwich from Sainsbury’s and having a gander at the net to see what people are saying about your family… On behalf of (most of) Great Britain– PLEASE do not give that child a title. You already did us a great disservice by letting Markle marry in, so do Britain one last big favour and do away with the Prince and Princess-hoods for this one. Ta very much, Liz.

There’ll be celebrity godparents
We can all see it coming a mile off; there will be famous godparents. Any idiot can take a guess that the Clooneys, Serena Williams and probably one of the Obamas will be in there somewhere. Meghan won’t be able to help herself; she couldn’t crack Hollywood or get anyone to pay attention to her in the thirty seven years she was on this planet before getting with Harry, so now that people actually give a shit about her because she married a Prince, she’s going to handpick the most famous people possible to godparent this child. I will be very surprised if anyone unheard of or unknown is chosen in the line-up.
Prince Harry will likely select a few regular close friends (my bets are Guy Pelly, Arthur Landon and maybe Thomas Van Straubenzee, who is also godfather to Princess Charlotte of Cambridge) – but on Meghan’s side, we all know who will be picked – all of the above, including that odious Jessica Mulroney who keeps surfacing everywhere like a bad smell.

Let’s be real here, the woman didn’t have any actual regular or childhood friends at her wedding – they were just a load of random celebrities and some of her Suits co-stars – so it’s not looking too likely that a “best friend” of twenty years it going to be picked (as that one doesn’t exist).
Oh, and I’ll bet you every last penny I have that the Cambridges won’t make the cut either. Three guesses why.

Meghan will take the kid everywhere
Once she no longer has a baby bump to superglue her hands to, and in only needing one arm to hang off Harry, what will Meghan possibly do once the child is born? That’s right – trot the baby out at every available opportunity. Do remember that quote about them wanting their child to “live privately” once they start taking the kid everywhere with them, likely strapped to Prince Harry in a Baby Bjorn sling, or hanging off Meghan’s boob as she “normalises breastfeeding in public”. Yikes.

There is of course the tour of the USA/Canada that they are apparently embarking on in the autumn – a great opportunity for Meghan to return to the motherland with Prince and baby, to show off all that she has “achieved” on UK soil, hopefully to masses of adoring crowds (or a rent-a-crowd if nobody gives a shite – whichever).

I don’t know if this tour has been officially confirmed yet, or even approved by the Queen, but I’m sure Meghan will organise it herself and make sure they are on that plane come October, regardless of whoever dares stand in her way. Be prepared to be bombarded with countless pictures of their little ginger tyke and updated every time it sits, stands or takes a dump. Can’t wait.

In short, I do suggest you all take the next few weeks before the sprog arrives to relax and enjoy (a slight) silence while Meghan is on “maternity leave” (from what exactly, I don’t know). See it as a vacation; a calm before the storm. Because once that child is delivered, we are not going to hear about anything for the next two years at the very least, until Meghan gets pregnant again (heaven forbid – I’ll need counselling) or her and Harry’s separation is announced (hopefully). Whichever comes first.

Let’s start praying that the Duchess of Cambridge announces another pregnancy before the year is out, just to take the wind out of Meg’s sails if nothing else. Altogether now….